Well, just as temptation can come in friendly, attractive, comforting packages, so, too, can encouragement come when you most need it ... and from wonderful sources.
I've been using my Facebook account to post scriptures and lyrics to hymns and Christian songs that really mean something to me. I've enjoyed sharing with my "friends" on there (a mix of co-workers, former co-workers, high school and elementary school classmates, family, friends and others) these things that have meant so much to me in the past weeks and months.
A few weeks ago I discovered that one of my former classmates "unfriended" me with no explanation. I have assumed it was because of the Christ-centered posts I have made. (Maybe those assumptions are incorrect, but it's the only reason I can think of.)
Of course, I began to second-guess whether I should post so many of these so often. I want so much to be completely unafraid and unashamed to share the Gospel -- I want Romans 1:16 to be my motto:
"For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek."
K. and I e-mailed back and forth today about a former employee who passed away yesterday, whether she was a believer, and how we both want for the first thing people think of when we go to be how devoted we were to the Lord. I told her when it is my time to leave, I want the FIRST words out of everyone's mouth to be about how much I loved the Lord and how I was not ashamed to share that with anyone.
But as much as I want to be unashamed in sharing the Gospel, I also do not want to shove it own people's throats to the point they cannot hear. I know having that happen can be and often is a HUGE turn off for non-believers. That is why I have always tried to live the way I knew God wanted me to and let that be my testimony.
So in the light of being unfriended, I considered cutting back on how many and how often of those kinds of posts I put on my page. I even considered stopping them, even if just for a little while.
Today, though, since I had not yet made a decision, I posted the lyrics to "Have Thine Own Way, Lord."
Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Thou art the Potter, I am the clay.
Mold me and make me after Thy will,
While I am waiting, yielded and still.
Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Search me and try me, Master, today!
Whiter than snow, Lord, wash me just now,
As in Thy presence humbly I bow.
Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Wounded and weary, help me, I pray!
Power, all power, surely is Thine!
Touch me and heal me, Savior divine.
Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Hold o’er my being absolute sway!
Fill with Thy Spirit ’till all shall see
Christ only, always, living in me.
Not very long after I posted it, I got a reply from one of my friends: "Thanks Lauren. I needed this today."
WOW! Immediately my heart was filled and I had my answer: no way could I not continue to post those scriptures and lyrics. Even if just one of every 20 I post holds that for someone, I have to do it.
I e-mailed K. and told her about it. Below is her response and the scripture to which she referred me:
"I just meant to say that I think you're doing the right thing. Satan will try to discourage you from proclaiming what God had done for you and is teaching you. And he knows exactly how to hit you where it hurts (such as being unfriended on Facebook). As you start following Christ more, my understanding is that you will be persecuted more. Take heart! You must be on the right track if you're scaring Satan into action! :)"
Matthew 10: 26-39
26 Fear them not therefore: for there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; and hid, that shall not be known.
27 What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light: and what ye hear in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops.
28 And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.
29 Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father.
30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
31 Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.
32 Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven.
33 But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.
34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
38 And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.
39 He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.
Matt. 5: 11-12
11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.
John 15: 19-21
19 If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.
20 Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.
21 But all these things will they do unto you for my name's sake, because they know not him that sent me.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Night one down -- 29 to go
Well, I have to say night one of the challenge went well. I think that was mostly due to the fact I let myself play on the computer, though. Tonight will be the first night without either. It should be interesting.
It was a bit odd last night -- I got home and started dinner, and I was talking to my dog a mile a minute, singing and talking gibberish and stuff. I told her, "Molly, it just started and I'm already going out of my mind."
I thought it would be kind of funny to call my mom and tell her that -- and probably even get some encouragement from her, too.
Well, I learned last night that Satan uses some things that are very important to us when he wants to test us -- and he sometimes uses US when we don't even realize it.
Wehn I was talking to mom about what I was doing, she said "Do you have to give up TV *and* your computer? That's a lot. Isn't there something else you could do?"
I know that her first and only thought was, "My baby is going to be uncomfortable and I do not want that!"
It would have been so easy to say "Yeah, I guess your right. Maybe I should just cut back on them rather than cut them out completely..." (Still, to this day, I sometimes seek my mom's "permission" for some things, like missing work if I am not feeling well, etc.)
I know my mom's only thought was to protect me from discomfort -- and I also know she had no idea that at that moment Satan was using her to tempt me. She had no ill will behind her statement. But Satan comes in very attractive -- and sometimes comforting -- packages.
I did make it without turning on the TV once all day. The radio was on my favorite Christian station the entire evening. It was nice noise.
Tonight it's going to get a little more rough, though, with no computer.
We'll see how it goes.
It was a bit odd last night -- I got home and started dinner, and I was talking to my dog a mile a minute, singing and talking gibberish and stuff. I told her, "Molly, it just started and I'm already going out of my mind."
I thought it would be kind of funny to call my mom and tell her that -- and probably even get some encouragement from her, too.
Well, I learned last night that Satan uses some things that are very important to us when he wants to test us -- and he sometimes uses US when we don't even realize it.
Wehn I was talking to mom about what I was doing, she said "Do you have to give up TV *and* your computer? That's a lot. Isn't there something else you could do?"
I know that her first and only thought was, "My baby is going to be uncomfortable and I do not want that!"
It would have been so easy to say "Yeah, I guess your right. Maybe I should just cut back on them rather than cut them out completely..." (Still, to this day, I sometimes seek my mom's "permission" for some things, like missing work if I am not feeling well, etc.)
I know my mom's only thought was to protect me from discomfort -- and I also know she had no idea that at that moment Satan was using her to tempt me. She had no ill will behind her statement. But Satan comes in very attractive -- and sometimes comforting -- packages.
I did make it without turning on the TV once all day. The radio was on my favorite Christian station the entire evening. It was nice noise.
Tonight it's going to get a little more rough, though, with no computer.
We'll see how it goes.
Monday, June 22, 2009
No TV for a MONTH?!?!???
Today is the first day of my 30-day no-TV challenge time. It’s really weird how I have an odd mixture of feelings about doing this.
On the one hand, I am SO excited to be able to turn off that attention sucker and do some of the things I have been wanting to do for a long time. I already have plans to spend some time in study and prayer, of course, and I want to follow some of the studies I have found when planning for a BSF-free summer. Then of course are the crafts I want to complete … I laid aside the prayer shawl I was working on never to get back to it. I want to work on it again, get it finished, and start the next one. I’d like to have 6 of these completed by the beginning of November. And if I want to sell purses at the craft show this year, I’d better get on those. I have a new bird feeder on the patio, so that will be some great entertainment. There are so many books to read, things to write, subjects to study. I feel almost like a kid the night before Christmas morning!
Then there is that scared feeling – the one of, “What am I going to do for noise when I am alone every night? Am I going to be able to resist the temptation to watch? What do I do this coming weekend when I go to mom’s? And how am I going to feel if I somehow manage to complete the 30-day challenge successfully? Does that mean I was a TV addict?” I was reading some of the comments people left at Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ site about the challenge. One of the things I honestly did not think about was noise in my apartment during this time. Right now, from the time I get home until I go to bed, the TV is on the entire time. And sometimes I sleep with it on! That noise and “companionship” is always there. I am going to fiddle with my stereo tonight (the one I have so far only used to pipe sound through when I watch a movie) and see if I can pick up my favorite radio station for noise.
I’m wondering, though, how difficult it will be to be in a noiseless atmosphere. I don’t know that I have ever done that for any great amount of time. This is going to be a really interesting time, I think.
I started the morning with a Psalm after my shower – I decided I DEFINITELY want to spend this next 30 days getting into the habit of studying a Psalm a day in order to grow closer to the Lord and learn His attributes. The study Laura taught us in the BSF seminar about how to study the Word on our own was so miraculous – basically you read a Psalm a day, write down the attributes of God found in that Psalm, then pray those attributes back to God, thanking Him and praising Him for them. I have been so excited about growing closer to God and learning more about Him. I am looking forward to this study so much.
@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@
My dad and brother were here over the weekend. It was an interesting at times, frustrating at times, just plain fun at times weekend, and when it was all over, I was so glad they came.
My father has decided that rather than stash away all of his money, he wants to give me part of my inheritance now by giving me a significant down payment on a house. So, for about two years we have been discussing it, house hunting, etc. It’s been frustrating at times because our M.O.s on something like this are so different. For me, I go looking at houses with my real estate agent, I see one I really like, I am ready to move. My dad, though, is chronically (as he puts it) hesitant to “pull the trigger” on it. He waits and waits and analyzes and looks for something better, etc. Well, this trip was first planned for us to go house hunting. This will be the third serious effort I have put into finding a new home, and sure enough I found the third home I liked (the first two, because of hesitancy on dad’s part, got away). Then after we spent the morning with the real estate agent, found the one just right for me, talked about it, etc., he says “I’m not sure it’s not too early to be doing this.”
Man, oh man.
I’m learning patience, that’s for sure.
My brother and I had a pretty decent time together. He and I have a lot of hard feelings between us, and I’ve been trying to sort those out and rectify them on my end, but again our operating systems are very different in this. I’m very typical female – let’s air it all out, talk about it, apologize for what has been done in the past, and make a sincere, serious effort moving forward to fix those things that were broken. His way of doing it is let the past be past, don’t talk about it again, not even to apologize, and go on.
There are still some things he does that really get to me, though. One example is his lying. He told a whopper of a lie to the real estate agent Saturday when we were riding from house to house. His motivation for lying I cannot understand because I have never been in his position in life. However, what he lied about was something that involved me and a huge sacrifice I made for my mom very recently. He had told me in the past that he had told this lie, and I was really hurt at the thought that he would tell someone what he did. I felt like it completely devalued what I did. I didn’t say that to him, though, and told him that when you build something on a lie, it is bound to fail because it is not built on the faith that God will do what is in His plan. Rather than letting Him do His work, you are trying to do it yourself and your way – and it just don’t work that way! He agreed and we had a good conversation about it at that time. Then to hear him repeat the lie Saturday, and for no good reason than to make himself look better in the eyes of someone he may never see again in his life – well, it took everything I had in me to bite my tongue and not say something to him about it.
Obviously I do not know how to handle this situation with him. I’m going to need a LOT of help from the Lord with this.
On the one hand, I am SO excited to be able to turn off that attention sucker and do some of the things I have been wanting to do for a long time. I already have plans to spend some time in study and prayer, of course, and I want to follow some of the studies I have found when planning for a BSF-free summer. Then of course are the crafts I want to complete … I laid aside the prayer shawl I was working on never to get back to it. I want to work on it again, get it finished, and start the next one. I’d like to have 6 of these completed by the beginning of November. And if I want to sell purses at the craft show this year, I’d better get on those. I have a new bird feeder on the patio, so that will be some great entertainment. There are so many books to read, things to write, subjects to study. I feel almost like a kid the night before Christmas morning!
Then there is that scared feeling – the one of, “What am I going to do for noise when I am alone every night? Am I going to be able to resist the temptation to watch? What do I do this coming weekend when I go to mom’s? And how am I going to feel if I somehow manage to complete the 30-day challenge successfully? Does that mean I was a TV addict?” I was reading some of the comments people left at Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ site about the challenge. One of the things I honestly did not think about was noise in my apartment during this time. Right now, from the time I get home until I go to bed, the TV is on the entire time. And sometimes I sleep with it on! That noise and “companionship” is always there. I am going to fiddle with my stereo tonight (the one I have so far only used to pipe sound through when I watch a movie) and see if I can pick up my favorite radio station for noise.
I’m wondering, though, how difficult it will be to be in a noiseless atmosphere. I don’t know that I have ever done that for any great amount of time. This is going to be a really interesting time, I think.
I started the morning with a Psalm after my shower – I decided I DEFINITELY want to spend this next 30 days getting into the habit of studying a Psalm a day in order to grow closer to the Lord and learn His attributes. The study Laura taught us in the BSF seminar about how to study the Word on our own was so miraculous – basically you read a Psalm a day, write down the attributes of God found in that Psalm, then pray those attributes back to God, thanking Him and praising Him for them. I have been so excited about growing closer to God and learning more about Him. I am looking forward to this study so much.
@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@
My dad and brother were here over the weekend. It was an interesting at times, frustrating at times, just plain fun at times weekend, and when it was all over, I was so glad they came.
My father has decided that rather than stash away all of his money, he wants to give me part of my inheritance now by giving me a significant down payment on a house. So, for about two years we have been discussing it, house hunting, etc. It’s been frustrating at times because our M.O.s on something like this are so different. For me, I go looking at houses with my real estate agent, I see one I really like, I am ready to move. My dad, though, is chronically (as he puts it) hesitant to “pull the trigger” on it. He waits and waits and analyzes and looks for something better, etc. Well, this trip was first planned for us to go house hunting. This will be the third serious effort I have put into finding a new home, and sure enough I found the third home I liked (the first two, because of hesitancy on dad’s part, got away). Then after we spent the morning with the real estate agent, found the one just right for me, talked about it, etc., he says “I’m not sure it’s not too early to be doing this.”
Man, oh man.
I’m learning patience, that’s for sure.
My brother and I had a pretty decent time together. He and I have a lot of hard feelings between us, and I’ve been trying to sort those out and rectify them on my end, but again our operating systems are very different in this. I’m very typical female – let’s air it all out, talk about it, apologize for what has been done in the past, and make a sincere, serious effort moving forward to fix those things that were broken. His way of doing it is let the past be past, don’t talk about it again, not even to apologize, and go on.
There are still some things he does that really get to me, though. One example is his lying. He told a whopper of a lie to the real estate agent Saturday when we were riding from house to house. His motivation for lying I cannot understand because I have never been in his position in life. However, what he lied about was something that involved me and a huge sacrifice I made for my mom very recently. He had told me in the past that he had told this lie, and I was really hurt at the thought that he would tell someone what he did. I felt like it completely devalued what I did. I didn’t say that to him, though, and told him that when you build something on a lie, it is bound to fail because it is not built on the faith that God will do what is in His plan. Rather than letting Him do His work, you are trying to do it yourself and your way – and it just don’t work that way! He agreed and we had a good conversation about it at that time. Then to hear him repeat the lie Saturday, and for no good reason than to make himself look better in the eyes of someone he may never see again in his life – well, it took everything I had in me to bite my tongue and not say something to him about it.
Obviously I do not know how to handle this situation with him. I’m going to need a LOT of help from the Lord with this.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Thinking thoughts and other things
I feel like I have been at a little of a standstill lately in my spiritual growth. I'm not too worried about it, since I do know that with every thing that grows, there are still times -- especially just before another explosion of growth. That is what I am hoping for.
My friend K. and I went to lunch together yesterday to discuss Bible studies we could possibly do together over the summer, while BSF is on hiatus. We didn't really come to any conclusion about a particular Bible study, but it was such a wonderful time of fellowship and discussion. I think we each walked away with a few more entries on our prayer lists and hopefully more calmness about sometimes feeling "lost" as to how to study the Word on our own.
I told her one of my biggest problems is that I lose focus. I have SO many different studies I want to do -- predestination vs. free will; the attributes of God; a Christ-centered way of living for a more healthy weight; a series of verses and passages to help a friend of mine who is going through a VERY rough time in her life and she's "mad at God" as she puts it; and several more. I have been gathering different study materials and ideas almost in panic mode, because I knew the end of the BSF structure would be difficult for me to handle. It is SO easy when you have a weekly passage assigned to you, and a set of questions about that passage handed to you. Then you know you have to complete those questions in a week -- if you don't answer the questions in writing, you don't get to participate in the discussion.
It is also difficult for me to prioritize the study subjects I feel led to -- I WANT to know God more intimately, so of course the one on His attributes would be wonderful; I'm also searching for a church home, and one of my "yardsticks" for measuring them is whether they believe in predestination, so of course I have to be "up on" what the Bible says about it vs. free will; and I told K. yesterday at lunch that I know my weight is a sin...gluttony is a sin...and so the Christ-centered weight loss study would be great; and I feel like C., my friend who is mad at God, is approaching crisis mode, and I feel very strongly led to witness to her, but I need to find HOW to do so in a way she will understand and "see" why God does what He does -- and that we're not to neccessarily understand His ways, but to believe and obey.
It feels like every one of them is high priority, and so of course I have done as I usually do at times like this -- I freeze, unable to make a decision. I pray for guidance from the Lord to direct me which of these studies I am to do, or how to concurrently do more than one of them, if that is His will.
Christian Comments
Myspace Comments
The above is just soemthing I found on the Web and liked.
This morning I was listening to Jack Hayford on the radio, and the lesson was about how men who are saved can lead a more Christ- and Biblically centered life. The lesson was really great, and I enjoyed it. It made me realize, though, that I wish I had the kind of relationship with my dad where we could sit down and talk about why guys are the way they are, and why men do some of the things they do. It would have been such a help to me. I do adore my dad, though, and he will be here this weekend with me for Father's Day.
I feel so grateful this year at Father's Day that my relationship with my earthly father is so much stronger and more peaceful, and we have grown much closer over the past couple of years, despite my living further away from him than ever. And I am also thankful that I can pretty much say the same about my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
Christian Comments
Myspace Comments
My friend K. and I went to lunch together yesterday to discuss Bible studies we could possibly do together over the summer, while BSF is on hiatus. We didn't really come to any conclusion about a particular Bible study, but it was such a wonderful time of fellowship and discussion. I think we each walked away with a few more entries on our prayer lists and hopefully more calmness about sometimes feeling "lost" as to how to study the Word on our own.
I told her one of my biggest problems is that I lose focus. I have SO many different studies I want to do -- predestination vs. free will; the attributes of God; a Christ-centered way of living for a more healthy weight; a series of verses and passages to help a friend of mine who is going through a VERY rough time in her life and she's "mad at God" as she puts it; and several more. I have been gathering different study materials and ideas almost in panic mode, because I knew the end of the BSF structure would be difficult for me to handle. It is SO easy when you have a weekly passage assigned to you, and a set of questions about that passage handed to you. Then you know you have to complete those questions in a week -- if you don't answer the questions in writing, you don't get to participate in the discussion.
It is also difficult for me to prioritize the study subjects I feel led to -- I WANT to know God more intimately, so of course the one on His attributes would be wonderful; I'm also searching for a church home, and one of my "yardsticks" for measuring them is whether they believe in predestination, so of course I have to be "up on" what the Bible says about it vs. free will; and I told K. yesterday at lunch that I know my weight is a sin...gluttony is a sin...and so the Christ-centered weight loss study would be great; and I feel like C., my friend who is mad at God, is approaching crisis mode, and I feel very strongly led to witness to her, but I need to find HOW to do so in a way she will understand and "see" why God does what He does -- and that we're not to neccessarily understand His ways, but to believe and obey.
It feels like every one of them is high priority, and so of course I have done as I usually do at times like this -- I freeze, unable to make a decision. I pray for guidance from the Lord to direct me which of these studies I am to do, or how to concurrently do more than one of them, if that is His will.
Christian Comments
Myspace Comments
The above is just soemthing I found on the Web and liked.
This morning I was listening to Jack Hayford on the radio, and the lesson was about how men who are saved can lead a more Christ- and Biblically centered life. The lesson was really great, and I enjoyed it. It made me realize, though, that I wish I had the kind of relationship with my dad where we could sit down and talk about why guys are the way they are, and why men do some of the things they do. It would have been such a help to me. I do adore my dad, though, and he will be here this weekend with me for Father's Day.
I feel so grateful this year at Father's Day that my relationship with my earthly father is so much stronger and more peaceful, and we have grown much closer over the past couple of years, despite my living further away from him than ever. And I am also thankful that I can pretty much say the same about my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
Christian Comments
Myspace Comments
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Roadblocks
I want to post a notice here. It's something I didn't think about until today -- and to be honest I'm not sure if I NEED to post this, but I guess better safe than sorry?
NOTICE: This is a PERSONAL blog on which I record my personal thoughts and feelings regarding my personal walk with the Lord. If you are someone who would normally not be privy to this, i.e. from work, please keep in mind that this is a personal blog. Why would I put a link to this in a place where people from work could read it? In the hopes that it will touch, inspire, be a witness to whoever takes the time to look at it. There may be things in here that I would NEVER say to people I work with. Please remember, should you come across one of these, that this is basically my journal -- something most people keep private -- and I am letting you have a peek. Don't make me regret that.
I have a few BIG roadblocks in my life -- things that have always been there, but I have not tried to conquer...or I have tried, but only halfheartedly -- or I tried and failed, the most painful one of all.
I am planning to take a serious stab at conquering a couple of these roadblocks in the very near future -- only this time I am hoping something will be different. I have never in the past entered a "battle" to overcome something like these with my entire focus on the Lord during that time.
One of these is my weight. I have ALWAYS always had to battle this. I've done some pretty drastic things, like eating about 800 calories a day, slight bulemia, even getting gastric bypass surgery. Nothing has ever helped. Now, the surgery did help -- let me rephrase, though. Nothing has ever conquered the unhealthy relationship with food I have had my entire life and helped me to lose enough weight that I could live a "normal" lifestyle.
Recently I found a bible-based weight loss program, though. It is my intention to begin working through it as part of my daily time with God -- something I have neglected lately and want to get back to.
I have only peeked at the materials, but from what I have seen so far, it looks great. It does include an eating plan, which is not something I expected it to include. (I thought it would be all Bible study, etc.) I'm not sure if I will use its plan or not. It's a basic exchange program, which is easy enough. But there may be a Weight Watchers at Work program starting up again at work soon -- if it does, I am going to join and use their point system as my guideline.
And so, over the next few days and weeks, I am going to do my best to consistently work in the materials that came with the program. It's a 13-week course, so I would like to follow it as close to that timeline as I can. It is likely something I will need to/want to go back and repeat.
I not only want to get to the point where the fact that I am a temple for the Lord, and eating unhealthy or excess amounts of food is an abomination to Him. I also, as a Christian, should live the kind of life that people look at and see Him reflected in me. I want every aspect of my life to be for Him, about Him, pointing to Him. I know it won't be easy. I have God on my side though.
I'll be working on this during a time when I am going to do something I have NEVER thought I could do or seriously considered trying -- I'm taking a 30-day no TV challenge soon. Laziness and easily distractedness are two roadblocks of mine that are tied together that I want to conquer as well...more on that in another entry, though.
NOTICE: This is a PERSONAL blog on which I record my personal thoughts and feelings regarding my personal walk with the Lord. If you are someone who would normally not be privy to this, i.e. from work, please keep in mind that this is a personal blog. Why would I put a link to this in a place where people from work could read it? In the hopes that it will touch, inspire, be a witness to whoever takes the time to look at it. There may be things in here that I would NEVER say to people I work with. Please remember, should you come across one of these, that this is basically my journal -- something most people keep private -- and I am letting you have a peek. Don't make me regret that.
I have a few BIG roadblocks in my life -- things that have always been there, but I have not tried to conquer...or I have tried, but only halfheartedly -- or I tried and failed, the most painful one of all.
I am planning to take a serious stab at conquering a couple of these roadblocks in the very near future -- only this time I am hoping something will be different. I have never in the past entered a "battle" to overcome something like these with my entire focus on the Lord during that time.
One of these is my weight. I have ALWAYS always had to battle this. I've done some pretty drastic things, like eating about 800 calories a day, slight bulemia, even getting gastric bypass surgery. Nothing has ever helped. Now, the surgery did help -- let me rephrase, though. Nothing has ever conquered the unhealthy relationship with food I have had my entire life and helped me to lose enough weight that I could live a "normal" lifestyle.
Recently I found a bible-based weight loss program, though. It is my intention to begin working through it as part of my daily time with God -- something I have neglected lately and want to get back to.
I have only peeked at the materials, but from what I have seen so far, it looks great. It does include an eating plan, which is not something I expected it to include. (I thought it would be all Bible study, etc.) I'm not sure if I will use its plan or not. It's a basic exchange program, which is easy enough. But there may be a Weight Watchers at Work program starting up again at work soon -- if it does, I am going to join and use their point system as my guideline.
And so, over the next few days and weeks, I am going to do my best to consistently work in the materials that came with the program. It's a 13-week course, so I would like to follow it as close to that timeline as I can. It is likely something I will need to/want to go back and repeat.
I not only want to get to the point where the fact that I am a temple for the Lord, and eating unhealthy or excess amounts of food is an abomination to Him. I also, as a Christian, should live the kind of life that people look at and see Him reflected in me. I want every aspect of my life to be for Him, about Him, pointing to Him. I know it won't be easy. I have God on my side though.
I'll be working on this during a time when I am going to do something I have NEVER thought I could do or seriously considered trying -- I'm taking a 30-day no TV challenge soon. Laziness and easily distractedness are two roadblocks of mine that are tied together that I want to conquer as well...more on that in another entry, though.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
A long absence
It seems like ages since I last wrote -- and it has been. The last few weeks have been ... well ... flailing for me. I don't know any other way to put it. Nothing has been bad, really. My health has been good. No bad fibro days or anything. Work has been busy but good. I went to my mom's for Mother's Day. I realized on the way to her house this weekend that the entire time these last few weeks, I have felt uncentered -- off-balance. Nothing was bad, but something wasn't right.
Oh -- yes. That's it. I haven't been doing my time with God each morning. I haven't been spending as much time in prayer as I was. I hadn't attended BSF for two weeks. I haven't visited a church for two weeks. Of course I was uncentered. Of course it felt like something wasn't right. I was missing my time with God each day. And praise God missing that time had that effect on me!
Never did I ever think, honestly, that if I went without that much prayer and without spending time with God, even if it was just a few minutes each day, the rest of my life would be so greatly affected. I have been wondering what was "wrong," and now that I know, I long for things to be as they were again. I miss spending time with God EVERY morning before work. That time centered and refreshed me. I yearn to have that time learning His Word, seeking His guidance, and praying.
I don't even know what got me off track so much. I let life get in the way, I think. And here it is already Wednesday, and I have yet to spend one day like that -- starting off first with the Lord, then letting the rest of the pieces fall into place.
And now BSF is coming to an end for this year. No longer will I have those Monday night lectures from D. There will not be any structured Bible study for me to follow in my daily quiet time. No more choir of the voices of 300 beautiful women together singing "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound," and "Then sings my soul, my Savior, God, to Thee, how great Thou art."
I have to wait until September for all of those again.
I have been praying that not only will God guide me to have the discipline I need to devote that time to Him daily, but to also work on those parts of me that might prevent that. To seek out study material ahead of time so there is no, "Well, I don't know what to study today. Guess I'll wait til tomorrow." To go to bed early enough to get the restful, restorative sleep I need to actually get up early in the morning and have that time with Him, and not sleep until the very last minute, then hop up and rush about just to get dressed for work, neglecting my time for Him.
I've also prayed that the tiny flame of desire to know Him better and life every aspect of my life for Him will not go out, but will slowly over time continue to grow. Rather than a hot, fast flash fire that consumes me totally, then burns itself out quickly, as I have experienced in the past, this return to Him has started with a small spark of yearning. His placing other believers close to me in life and drawing me to Him gently has fanned that spark, until it has slowly grown. It's God's slow, soft burning that I know will continue in me -- and will continue to grow hotter and more consuming over time.
@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@
My desire to find a church home of my own has led me to begin visiting and contacting local churches in hopes of finding that body of believers -- that Christian family -- to which I belong. It is such a daunting task, though. I have never really looked for a church home before -- and certainly never just me, on my own.
My mother's advice for my search was, "Ask them if they believe in predestination." I was raised in a church that believed and taught that God predestined those who are His to be saved. I never questioned that -- I just believed it.
Well, her advice prodded me to begin studying predestination. I don't doubt that belief -- the Bible states plainly God predestined us for salvation:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified." Romans 8:28-30
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ. In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory." Ephesians 1: 3-14
I have found on the Internet, though, several essays and studies about predestination vs. free will. I have printed them out and plan to use these as my first post-BSF study. Before I walk up a pastor of a church and ask, "So what do you teach your congregation about predestination?" I want to be certain *I* know what the Bible says and does not say on both sides of the argument. I have heard soem of the preachers on the radio station I listen to say yes, God knew at the beginning of time we were going to be His, but He still left us with the free will to *choose* to be His. To me, predestination negates free will -- if He decided it already, it may *feel* like I am making a choice to follow Him, but am I really choosing? How can I choose if the decision has already been made for me? And how could I, a sinful creature by nature whose instinct is to turn away from God and all things holy, make that choice on my own, anyway?
I obviously have quite a bit to study -- and quite a bit to pray about.
I also still plan to do the study of Psalms and God's attributes they taught us at BSF. I'm really looking forward to it.
Oh -- yes. That's it. I haven't been doing my time with God each morning. I haven't been spending as much time in prayer as I was. I hadn't attended BSF for two weeks. I haven't visited a church for two weeks. Of course I was uncentered. Of course it felt like something wasn't right. I was missing my time with God each day. And praise God missing that time had that effect on me!
Never did I ever think, honestly, that if I went without that much prayer and without spending time with God, even if it was just a few minutes each day, the rest of my life would be so greatly affected. I have been wondering what was "wrong," and now that I know, I long for things to be as they were again. I miss spending time with God EVERY morning before work. That time centered and refreshed me. I yearn to have that time learning His Word, seeking His guidance, and praying.
I don't even know what got me off track so much. I let life get in the way, I think. And here it is already Wednesday, and I have yet to spend one day like that -- starting off first with the Lord, then letting the rest of the pieces fall into place.
And now BSF is coming to an end for this year. No longer will I have those Monday night lectures from D. There will not be any structured Bible study for me to follow in my daily quiet time. No more choir of the voices of 300 beautiful women together singing "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound," and "Then sings my soul, my Savior, God, to Thee, how great Thou art."
I have to wait until September for all of those again.
I have been praying that not only will God guide me to have the discipline I need to devote that time to Him daily, but to also work on those parts of me that might prevent that. To seek out study material ahead of time so there is no, "Well, I don't know what to study today. Guess I'll wait til tomorrow." To go to bed early enough to get the restful, restorative sleep I need to actually get up early in the morning and have that time with Him, and not sleep until the very last minute, then hop up and rush about just to get dressed for work, neglecting my time for Him.
I've also prayed that the tiny flame of desire to know Him better and life every aspect of my life for Him will not go out, but will slowly over time continue to grow. Rather than a hot, fast flash fire that consumes me totally, then burns itself out quickly, as I have experienced in the past, this return to Him has started with a small spark of yearning. His placing other believers close to me in life and drawing me to Him gently has fanned that spark, until it has slowly grown. It's God's slow, soft burning that I know will continue in me -- and will continue to grow hotter and more consuming over time.
@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@
My desire to find a church home of my own has led me to begin visiting and contacting local churches in hopes of finding that body of believers -- that Christian family -- to which I belong. It is such a daunting task, though. I have never really looked for a church home before -- and certainly never just me, on my own.
My mother's advice for my search was, "Ask them if they believe in predestination." I was raised in a church that believed and taught that God predestined those who are His to be saved. I never questioned that -- I just believed it.
Well, her advice prodded me to begin studying predestination. I don't doubt that belief -- the Bible states plainly God predestined us for salvation:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified." Romans 8:28-30
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ. In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory." Ephesians 1: 3-14
I have found on the Internet, though, several essays and studies about predestination vs. free will. I have printed them out and plan to use these as my first post-BSF study. Before I walk up a pastor of a church and ask, "So what do you teach your congregation about predestination?" I want to be certain *I* know what the Bible says and does not say on both sides of the argument. I have heard soem of the preachers on the radio station I listen to say yes, God knew at the beginning of time we were going to be His, but He still left us with the free will to *choose* to be His. To me, predestination negates free will -- if He decided it already, it may *feel* like I am making a choice to follow Him, but am I really choosing? How can I choose if the decision has already been made for me? And how could I, a sinful creature by nature whose instinct is to turn away from God and all things holy, make that choice on my own, anyway?
I obviously have quite a bit to study -- and quite a bit to pray about.
I also still plan to do the study of Psalms and God's attributes they taught us at BSF. I'm really looking forward to it.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Imperfections make us real
Monday morning was a bad one for me. It was a comedy of errors unfolding around me, and the further it unfurled, the more inadequate I felt.
I woke up with plenty of time to get dressed, have a cup of coffee and watch a little Good Morning America. I knew I had plenty of time to leave home, run the errands I needed to, and make it to a 9 am work appointment. Easy peasy.
As I was getting dressed, though, I was looking around my messy bathroom mentally tallying all of the things I have wanted to do around my home to get it in order, but I have failed to do any of them yet. One of the things I have heard on the Christian talk radio station I listen to was a woman who said God wants us to have a neat, clean, orderly home so our home can be our sanctuary -- so we don't have to feel stressed out about it when we're home, but rather we can sit back at peace. I also have had the conviction that my outward habits reflect what is inside me. I have been feeling SO at peace this year, and things seem to be "falling together" so well -- though I know it has nothing to do with falling together but rather God's careful placement.
Well, as I brushed my teeth, washed my face, etc., I kept thinking of all I had to do and want to do, but have not yet done. Of course that ugly self dialog started in my head -- "You're so lazy. There is no reason for you to not get these things done. What is your problem?? If you want to serve the Lord, you have to have a home, car, office, etc., that people can come into at any time and feel peace. THIS is not peaceful at all." It just went on and on until I just could only sigh, decide I would try to do better, and carry on with my day.
Sure enough, I got away from my home with plenty of time to spare. I wouldn't have to rush around and worry, etc. I had to get gas (I was on E -- ACK!) and pick up some Krazy Glue for a project I had to complete and be ready to give to someone at 9. When I pulled up to my favorite gas station/7-11 to do both in one stop, the pumps were full. No problem, I thought. I'll just pull around to the other side of the station. As I turned round the back of the store, there was a HUGE pick-up truck with an EVEN MORE HUGE horse trailer on it, sitting at the pumps, waiting for the next open one. And because his vehicle and trailer combined were so large, I could neither pass them in the parking lot nor go out of the parking lot by him and back in another way. Well, I had two choices: sit there and wait for who knows how long, or back up and go out an alternate exit.
I checked my blind spots TWICE, put it in reverse, looked back and started very slowly backing up. CRUUUUNCH. All I could do was whimper, whip my head around to make sure there really was no one behind me and my eyes weren't deceiving me, then put it in drive and hope for the best. As I pulled up -- SCRAAAAPE -- I saw it...a low concrete post, painted white. This was NOT going to be good for the fender of my fire red Mustang. Finally I get myself out of this pickle and safely pulled up to a pump waaay out in the boonies in the parking lot. I got out of my car and slowly circled. Another whimper -- my once pristine lil red car now has a huge white paint streak on the passenger back fender, with a little dent just to add to the effect.
Well, to add to the joy I was feeling at that moment, I realized my gas tank is on the OPPOSITE side of the car. Ugh!! I stomped around the car, my anger at the huge horse trailer guy turning into anger at myself very quickly -- anger because I was allowing someone's thoughtlessness to ruin my morning. Back up the car and pull around to another pump -- yeah, you guessed it, the one right NEXT to the horse trailer guy. I can't even describe how hard I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "YOU, sir, should have PLANNED AHEAD and fueled your truck LAST NIGHT BEFORE you hooked that HUGE trailer to it!"
I gassed up my car, ran in for Krazy Glue, then back out (and, yes, horse trailer guy was STILL there, so again I had to bite my already bruised tongue). I pulled away from the pump and to the side of the parking lot, out of the way of all entrances, exits, and traffic flow areas (see, horse trailer guy. THIS is how you sit in a parking lot and wait.) I got my little project put together, then I headed off to my 9 am meeting. Fortunately I was still early enough I could sit in my car and listen to a little preaching. It worked. I calmed down and "got happy" again. Phew.
The building I had to go into was an old, rickety looking building from the outside (101 S. Jennings St. if you're ever in Fort Worth), but it's a historic building -- and inside it is GORGEOUS. Now obviously it's not at all on the same plane with all the new construction on 7th Street, but it was beautiful and weathered and worn. All I could do was wonder what had that building been so many years ago and who had walked its halls.
The room for my appointment was on the 3rd floor, opposite end of the hall from the elevator. I had to stand out in the hall and wait on someone. Of course they had a big ficus tree plant thing in the corner. Now, I'm not one who can usually tell on sight if a plant is fake or real, if it's a good fake plant. Usually I have to touch the leaves or stick my finger in the soil to figure it out.
As I looked at this tree, though, I noticed first of all that some of its branches were missing leaves. There on the end of the branches were little bare twigs, naked and exposed. Then I began to notice other imperfections -- some of the leaves had yellow spots, and the tree had had to be tied up to keep its top-heavy frame from falling over.
It was only through its imperfections, proudly on display for all of the world to see and not hidden or tucked away in shame, that I knew that plant was the real deal. Had the tree looked perfect to the naked eye, even if I studied it closely, I might have never known it was a living, breathing thing. Those flaws let me know it was a real, true, living, beautiful plant.
I realized it's the same for me. How can I be a witness for the Lord if my life appears absolutely perfect -- even if it isn't. If I hide away the flaws and not let other people know, "Hey I struggle all of the time. Life isn't simple for me at all. But it's God's grace that carries me through those rough times and helps me live a life that is happy and blessed and joyful, even if my bathroom is dusty and my bedroom floor is covered in clothes and I have yellow spots on my leaves and need to be given some extra support to keep from falling over." Being saved, receiving God's grace, knowing that peace does not mean life is suddenly perfect. And if you are saved and life continues to throw hurdles in your path, that doesn't mean you're not "right" with the Lord.
Those imperfections are a testimony to others -- they speak to the fact that none of us, no not one, are perfect. Just forgiven.
I woke up with plenty of time to get dressed, have a cup of coffee and watch a little Good Morning America. I knew I had plenty of time to leave home, run the errands I needed to, and make it to a 9 am work appointment. Easy peasy.
As I was getting dressed, though, I was looking around my messy bathroom mentally tallying all of the things I have wanted to do around my home to get it in order, but I have failed to do any of them yet. One of the things I have heard on the Christian talk radio station I listen to was a woman who said God wants us to have a neat, clean, orderly home so our home can be our sanctuary -- so we don't have to feel stressed out about it when we're home, but rather we can sit back at peace. I also have had the conviction that my outward habits reflect what is inside me. I have been feeling SO at peace this year, and things seem to be "falling together" so well -- though I know it has nothing to do with falling together but rather God's careful placement.
Well, as I brushed my teeth, washed my face, etc., I kept thinking of all I had to do and want to do, but have not yet done. Of course that ugly self dialog started in my head -- "You're so lazy. There is no reason for you to not get these things done. What is your problem?? If you want to serve the Lord, you have to have a home, car, office, etc., that people can come into at any time and feel peace. THIS is not peaceful at all." It just went on and on until I just could only sigh, decide I would try to do better, and carry on with my day.
Sure enough, I got away from my home with plenty of time to spare. I wouldn't have to rush around and worry, etc. I had to get gas (I was on E -- ACK!) and pick up some Krazy Glue for a project I had to complete and be ready to give to someone at 9. When I pulled up to my favorite gas station/7-11 to do both in one stop, the pumps were full. No problem, I thought. I'll just pull around to the other side of the station. As I turned round the back of the store, there was a HUGE pick-up truck with an EVEN MORE HUGE horse trailer on it, sitting at the pumps, waiting for the next open one. And because his vehicle and trailer combined were so large, I could neither pass them in the parking lot nor go out of the parking lot by him and back in another way. Well, I had two choices: sit there and wait for who knows how long, or back up and go out an alternate exit.
I checked my blind spots TWICE, put it in reverse, looked back and started very slowly backing up. CRUUUUNCH. All I could do was whimper, whip my head around to make sure there really was no one behind me and my eyes weren't deceiving me, then put it in drive and hope for the best. As I pulled up -- SCRAAAAPE -- I saw it...a low concrete post, painted white. This was NOT going to be good for the fender of my fire red Mustang. Finally I get myself out of this pickle and safely pulled up to a pump waaay out in the boonies in the parking lot. I got out of my car and slowly circled. Another whimper -- my once pristine lil red car now has a huge white paint streak on the passenger back fender, with a little dent just to add to the effect.
Well, to add to the joy I was feeling at that moment, I realized my gas tank is on the OPPOSITE side of the car. Ugh!! I stomped around the car, my anger at the huge horse trailer guy turning into anger at myself very quickly -- anger because I was allowing someone's thoughtlessness to ruin my morning. Back up the car and pull around to another pump -- yeah, you guessed it, the one right NEXT to the horse trailer guy. I can't even describe how hard I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "YOU, sir, should have PLANNED AHEAD and fueled your truck LAST NIGHT BEFORE you hooked that HUGE trailer to it!"
I gassed up my car, ran in for Krazy Glue, then back out (and, yes, horse trailer guy was STILL there, so again I had to bite my already bruised tongue). I pulled away from the pump and to the side of the parking lot, out of the way of all entrances, exits, and traffic flow areas (see, horse trailer guy. THIS is how you sit in a parking lot and wait.) I got my little project put together, then I headed off to my 9 am meeting. Fortunately I was still early enough I could sit in my car and listen to a little preaching. It worked. I calmed down and "got happy" again. Phew.
The building I had to go into was an old, rickety looking building from the outside (101 S. Jennings St. if you're ever in Fort Worth), but it's a historic building -- and inside it is GORGEOUS. Now obviously it's not at all on the same plane with all the new construction on 7th Street, but it was beautiful and weathered and worn. All I could do was wonder what had that building been so many years ago and who had walked its halls.
The room for my appointment was on the 3rd floor, opposite end of the hall from the elevator. I had to stand out in the hall and wait on someone. Of course they had a big ficus tree plant thing in the corner. Now, I'm not one who can usually tell on sight if a plant is fake or real, if it's a good fake plant. Usually I have to touch the leaves or stick my finger in the soil to figure it out.
As I looked at this tree, though, I noticed first of all that some of its branches were missing leaves. There on the end of the branches were little bare twigs, naked and exposed. Then I began to notice other imperfections -- some of the leaves had yellow spots, and the tree had had to be tied up to keep its top-heavy frame from falling over.
It was only through its imperfections, proudly on display for all of the world to see and not hidden or tucked away in shame, that I knew that plant was the real deal. Had the tree looked perfect to the naked eye, even if I studied it closely, I might have never known it was a living, breathing thing. Those flaws let me know it was a real, true, living, beautiful plant.
I realized it's the same for me. How can I be a witness for the Lord if my life appears absolutely perfect -- even if it isn't. If I hide away the flaws and not let other people know, "Hey I struggle all of the time. Life isn't simple for me at all. But it's God's grace that carries me through those rough times and helps me live a life that is happy and blessed and joyful, even if my bathroom is dusty and my bedroom floor is covered in clothes and I have yellow spots on my leaves and need to be given some extra support to keep from falling over." Being saved, receiving God's grace, knowing that peace does not mean life is suddenly perfect. And if you are saved and life continues to throw hurdles in your path, that doesn't mean you're not "right" with the Lord.
Those imperfections are a testimony to others -- they speak to the fact that none of us, no not one, are perfect. Just forgiven.
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