Where the mind goes...

One of the things I prayed for when I first started attending BSF was that my mind would be consumed by God and His "things" -- prayers, "conversations" with Him, scripture I had read, lyrics of songs about Him, etc. There is always something going on in my brain -- not that that's a good thing ALL of the time, but there it is -- and I wanted the "junk" that filled most of my brain's "free" time to be replaced with things of the Lord.

It has worked -- and not that I do not believe that God can and will do anything we ask for, if it is in His will to do so, but my brain was so often consumed with the mental equivalent to junk food, I didn't think He would do a cleaning out so quickly in me.

For example, before I started BSF, the music I listened to was Cheeto music (sticking with the junk food theme here). It was just junk -- some country, a little pop, Texas swing. Not that any of it is "bad" in and of itself. It's just that this music gave my no nutrition -- there wasn't anything in it I could hold on to and carry with me. There was nothing there that would help me in my day and in my walk with the Lord. Since starting BSF, I only listen to Christian music or sermons on the radio. I found a wonderful local Christian radio station that mixes both music and sermons. My radio "dial" (even though it's digital) hasn't left the station since I started listening to it. To supplement the station, because I lose it when I go to my mom's, for example, I have a couple of CDs of some great praise and worship music in my player. As soon as the radio starts going fuzzy on me, I hit CD and start them up.

Now, when I have some mental downtime, I find the soundtrack in my head is all God-related. I may not know all the lyrics, but I know enough that I get a real blessing from repeating the lyrics over and over.

Along the same vein, I have always wanted to have scriptures "filed" away mentally so that I could meditate on them in my down times. So far I haven't found this as easy to do, but my mind does enjoy tumbling over scriptures I hear on the radio or in the BSF lectures. Instead of just letting my mind wander to fluffy, cotton candy thoughts, I now focus on the Word and God's desires for us.

My conversations have changed, too. Now, this does not count for work-related conversations of course. But I have noticed when I have a normal conversation with someone now, it's not "normal" at all. Gone are the Cracker Jack and soda pop conversations I have had in the past. Again, there is nothing wrong with a conversation that is "fluffy" -- my mom and I had each other in stitches in the car Saturday when I was visiting her. We all need the down time and giggle fits. However, I have found that several opportunities to share my faith with people have popped up since the beginning of the year. I don't think this is by any means a coincidence.

"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he" Proverbs 23:7

I believe my change of view and perspective -- and my change in desire -- has brought this all to pass. And I KNOW that the change is not of me. Our human nature is to turn from God to the things of the World -- to turn to sin and unholiness. However I believe one of the small miracles God has wrought in my life recently is this change in my way of thinking, in my desires, and in my walk with Him.

I no longer desire the mental junk food I used to feast on on a constant basis. I want something more substatial -- something that is going to feed and nourish my soul and carry me through each day.

@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@

My brother is "coming home" this week after a year-long stay with the fine law enforcement officers of Hardin County. He will go from there to my mom's house, then eventually -- and hopefully soon -- to a treatment facility. Finally both my mom and dad are in agreement that he needs some help, and they are both going to place him in a facility -- whether willingly or unwillingly.

I know it must be so very hard for them to admit that their child -- the youngest, and the only son -- has such an enormous problem. I am so very glad they are doing it though.

He claims to have had a salvation experience while he was "away." I have prayed so many times that it is so. Part of me worries it was one of those "jailhouse salvations" that happen -- while I am locked away, I live for the Lord, but when I have my freedom, I return to the life I lived before.

I have reminded my mom, though, that even if he did have such an experience, he cannot and will not be able to live a truly full life, free from the monkey that has been on his back for so long, without some sort of help.

I continue to pray for him. He is such a smart, handsome man. He just has no control over himself or his actions when he has total freedom.

Selfishly I also pray for me too -- one day mom and dad will be gone, and I will have this fully grown manchild I'll have to help through life. He has even asked me in a letter if I would help him and can he live in the same city as me if he promises to be good, once mom and dad are gone. He's admitted he doesn't know how to live on his own and will need help. It breaks my heart to even think about it, because he deserves to live a life on his own -- independant and not having to rely on anyone to do for him. He just doesn't know how, even at 30 years old.