Monday morning was a bad one for me. It was a comedy of errors unfolding around me, and the further it unfurled, the more inadequate I felt.
I woke up with plenty of time to get dressed, have a cup of coffee and watch a little Good Morning America. I knew I had plenty of time to leave home, run the errands I needed to, and make it to a 9 am work appointment. Easy peasy.
As I was getting dressed, though, I was looking around my messy bathroom mentally tallying all of the things I have wanted to do around my home to get it in order, but I have failed to do any of them yet. One of the things I have heard on the Christian talk radio station I listen to was a woman who said God wants us to have a neat, clean, orderly home so our home can be our sanctuary -- so we don't have to feel stressed out about it when we're home, but rather we can sit back at peace. I also have had the conviction that my outward habits reflect what is inside me. I have been feeling SO at peace this year, and things seem to be "falling together" so well -- though I know it has nothing to do with falling together but rather God's careful placement.
Well, as I brushed my teeth, washed my face, etc., I kept thinking of all I had to do and want to do, but have not yet done. Of course that ugly self dialog started in my head -- "You're so lazy. There is no reason for you to not get these things done. What is your problem?? If you want to serve the Lord, you have to have a home, car, office, etc., that people can come into at any time and feel peace. THIS is not peaceful at all." It just went on and on until I just could only sigh, decide I would try to do better, and carry on with my day.
Sure enough, I got away from my home with plenty of time to spare. I wouldn't have to rush around and worry, etc. I had to get gas (I was on E -- ACK!) and pick up some Krazy Glue for a project I had to complete and be ready to give to someone at 9. When I pulled up to my favorite gas station/7-11 to do both in one stop, the pumps were full. No problem, I thought. I'll just pull around to the other side of the station. As I turned round the back of the store, there was a HUGE pick-up truck with an EVEN MORE HUGE horse trailer on it, sitting at the pumps, waiting for the next open one. And because his vehicle and trailer combined were so large, I could neither pass them in the parking lot nor go out of the parking lot by him and back in another way. Well, I had two choices: sit there and wait for who knows how long, or back up and go out an alternate exit.
I checked my blind spots TWICE, put it in reverse, looked back and started very slowly backing up. CRUUUUNCH. All I could do was whimper, whip my head around to make sure there really was no one behind me and my eyes weren't deceiving me, then put it in drive and hope for the best. As I pulled up -- SCRAAAAPE -- I saw it...a low concrete post, painted white. This was NOT going to be good for the fender of my fire red Mustang. Finally I get myself out of this pickle and safely pulled up to a pump waaay out in the boonies in the parking lot. I got out of my car and slowly circled. Another whimper -- my once pristine lil red car now has a huge white paint streak on the passenger back fender, with a little dent just to add to the effect.
Well, to add to the joy I was feeling at that moment, I realized my gas tank is on the OPPOSITE side of the car. Ugh!! I stomped around the car, my anger at the huge horse trailer guy turning into anger at myself very quickly -- anger because I was allowing someone's thoughtlessness to ruin my morning. Back up the car and pull around to another pump -- yeah, you guessed it, the one right NEXT to the horse trailer guy. I can't even describe how hard I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "YOU, sir, should have PLANNED AHEAD and fueled your truck LAST NIGHT BEFORE you hooked that HUGE trailer to it!"
I gassed up my car, ran in for Krazy Glue, then back out (and, yes, horse trailer guy was STILL there, so again I had to bite my already bruised tongue). I pulled away from the pump and to the side of the parking lot, out of the way of all entrances, exits, and traffic flow areas (see, horse trailer guy. THIS is how you sit in a parking lot and wait.) I got my little project put together, then I headed off to my 9 am meeting. Fortunately I was still early enough I could sit in my car and listen to a little preaching. It worked. I calmed down and "got happy" again. Phew.
The building I had to go into was an old, rickety looking building from the outside (101 S. Jennings St. if you're ever in Fort Worth), but it's a historic building -- and inside it is GORGEOUS. Now obviously it's not at all on the same plane with all the new construction on 7th Street, but it was beautiful and weathered and worn. All I could do was wonder what had that building been so many years ago and who had walked its halls.
The room for my appointment was on the 3rd floor, opposite end of the hall from the elevator. I had to stand out in the hall and wait on someone. Of course they had a big ficus tree plant thing in the corner. Now, I'm not one who can usually tell on sight if a plant is fake or real, if it's a good fake plant. Usually I have to touch the leaves or stick my finger in the soil to figure it out.
As I looked at this tree, though, I noticed first of all that some of its branches were missing leaves. There on the end of the branches were little bare twigs, naked and exposed. Then I began to notice other imperfections -- some of the leaves had yellow spots, and the tree had had to be tied up to keep its top-heavy frame from falling over.
It was only through its imperfections, proudly on display for all of the world to see and not hidden or tucked away in shame, that I knew that plant was the real deal. Had the tree looked perfect to the naked eye, even if I studied it closely, I might have never known it was a living, breathing thing. Those flaws let me know it was a real, true, living, beautiful plant.
I realized it's the same for me. How can I be a witness for the Lord if my life appears absolutely perfect -- even if it isn't. If I hide away the flaws and not let other people know, "Hey I struggle all of the time. Life isn't simple for me at all. But it's God's grace that carries me through those rough times and helps me live a life that is happy and blessed and joyful, even if my bathroom is dusty and my bedroom floor is covered in clothes and I have yellow spots on my leaves and need to be given some extra support to keep from falling over." Being saved, receiving God's grace, knowing that peace does not mean life is suddenly perfect. And if you are saved and life continues to throw hurdles in your path, that doesn't mean you're not "right" with the Lord.
Those imperfections are a testimony to others -- they speak to the fact that none of us, no not one, are perfect. Just forgiven.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
God is so good
Tonight on the way to BSF, I was talking to my mom on the phone, telling her I was so tired and wished I could go home and just relax. I told her I know I needed to go, though, but I would sure love to be at home in my recliner.
Well, I got to the church and drug myself in, and throughout the first hymn I was in tears...inexplicably. I was so tired and in such pain, all I wanted to do was cry. Then D, our lecture leader, said that tonight's lecture was going to be for the tired Christian. She told the story of Bill and Gloria Gaither's hymn "Because He Lives."
Of course, we then sang the song, and as we did, tears of joy streamed down my face. I knew that tonight's lesson was for me.
Because He Lives
God sent His son, they called Him, Jesus;
He came to love, heal and forgive;
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives!
Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!
How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives;
But greater still the calm assurance:
This child can face uncertain days because He Lives!
Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!
And then one day, I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain;
And then, as death gives way to vict'ry,
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives!
Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!
Well, I got to the church and drug myself in, and throughout the first hymn I was in tears...inexplicably. I was so tired and in such pain, all I wanted to do was cry. Then D, our lecture leader, said that tonight's lecture was going to be for the tired Christian. She told the story of Bill and Gloria Gaither's hymn "Because He Lives."
Of course, we then sang the song, and as we did, tears of joy streamed down my face. I knew that tonight's lesson was for me.
Because He Lives
God sent His son, they called Him, Jesus;
He came to love, heal and forgive;
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives!
Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!
How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives;
But greater still the calm assurance:
This child can face uncertain days because He Lives!
Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!
And then one day, I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain;
And then, as death gives way to vict'ry,
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives!
Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!
Where the mind goes...
One of the things I prayed for when I first started attending BSF was that my mind would be consumed by God and His "things" -- prayers, "conversations" with Him, scripture I had read, lyrics of songs about Him, etc. There is always something going on in my brain -- not that that's a good thing ALL of the time, but there it is -- and I wanted the "junk" that filled most of my brain's "free" time to be replaced with things of the Lord.
It has worked -- and not that I do not believe that God can and will do anything we ask for, if it is in His will to do so, but my brain was so often consumed with the mental equivalent to junk food, I didn't think He would do a cleaning out so quickly in me.
For example, before I started BSF, the music I listened to was Cheeto music (sticking with the junk food theme here). It was just junk -- some country, a little pop, Texas swing. Not that any of it is "bad" in and of itself. It's just that this music gave my no nutrition -- there wasn't anything in it I could hold on to and carry with me. There was nothing there that would help me in my day and in my walk with the Lord. Since starting BSF, I only listen to Christian music or sermons on the radio. I found a wonderful local Christian radio station that mixes both music and sermons. My radio "dial" (even though it's digital) hasn't left the station since I started listening to it. To supplement the station, because I lose it when I go to my mom's, for example, I have a couple of CDs of some great praise and worship music in my player. As soon as the radio starts going fuzzy on me, I hit CD and start them up.
Now, when I have some mental downtime, I find the soundtrack in my head is all God-related. I may not know all the lyrics, but I know enough that I get a real blessing from repeating the lyrics over and over.
Along the same vein, I have always wanted to have scriptures "filed" away mentally so that I could meditate on them in my down times. So far I haven't found this as easy to do, but my mind does enjoy tumbling over scriptures I hear on the radio or in the BSF lectures. Instead of just letting my mind wander to fluffy, cotton candy thoughts, I now focus on the Word and God's desires for us.
My conversations have changed, too. Now, this does not count for work-related conversations of course. But I have noticed when I have a normal conversation with someone now, it's not "normal" at all. Gone are the Cracker Jack and soda pop conversations I have had in the past. Again, there is nothing wrong with a conversation that is "fluffy" -- my mom and I had each other in stitches in the car Saturday when I was visiting her. We all need the down time and giggle fits. However, I have found that several opportunities to share my faith with people have popped up since the beginning of the year. I don't think this is by any means a coincidence.
"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he" Proverbs 23:7
I believe my change of view and perspective -- and my change in desire -- has brought this all to pass. And I KNOW that the change is not of me. Our human nature is to turn from God to the things of the World -- to turn to sin and unholiness. However I believe one of the small miracles God has wrought in my life recently is this change in my way of thinking, in my desires, and in my walk with Him.
I no longer desire the mental junk food I used to feast on on a constant basis. I want something more substatial -- something that is going to feed and nourish my soul and carry me through each day.
@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@
My brother is "coming home" this week after a year-long stay with the fine law enforcement officers of Hardin County. He will go from there to my mom's house, then eventually -- and hopefully soon -- to a treatment facility. Finally both my mom and dad are in agreement that he needs some help, and they are both going to place him in a facility -- whether willingly or unwillingly.
I know it must be so very hard for them to admit that their child -- the youngest, and the only son -- has such an enormous problem. I am so very glad they are doing it though.
He claims to have had a salvation experience while he was "away." I have prayed so many times that it is so. Part of me worries it was one of those "jailhouse salvations" that happen -- while I am locked away, I live for the Lord, but when I have my freedom, I return to the life I lived before.
I have reminded my mom, though, that even if he did have such an experience, he cannot and will not be able to live a truly full life, free from the monkey that has been on his back for so long, without some sort of help.
I continue to pray for him. He is such a smart, handsome man. He just has no control over himself or his actions when he has total freedom.
Selfishly I also pray for me too -- one day mom and dad will be gone, and I will have this fully grown manchild I'll have to help through life. He has even asked me in a letter if I would help him and can he live in the same city as me if he promises to be good, once mom and dad are gone. He's admitted he doesn't know how to live on his own and will need help. It breaks my heart to even think about it, because he deserves to live a life on his own -- independant and not having to rely on anyone to do for him. He just doesn't know how, even at 30 years old.
It has worked -- and not that I do not believe that God can and will do anything we ask for, if it is in His will to do so, but my brain was so often consumed with the mental equivalent to junk food, I didn't think He would do a cleaning out so quickly in me.
For example, before I started BSF, the music I listened to was Cheeto music (sticking with the junk food theme here). It was just junk -- some country, a little pop, Texas swing. Not that any of it is "bad" in and of itself. It's just that this music gave my no nutrition -- there wasn't anything in it I could hold on to and carry with me. There was nothing there that would help me in my day and in my walk with the Lord. Since starting BSF, I only listen to Christian music or sermons on the radio. I found a wonderful local Christian radio station that mixes both music and sermons. My radio "dial" (even though it's digital) hasn't left the station since I started listening to it. To supplement the station, because I lose it when I go to my mom's, for example, I have a couple of CDs of some great praise and worship music in my player. As soon as the radio starts going fuzzy on me, I hit CD and start them up.
Now, when I have some mental downtime, I find the soundtrack in my head is all God-related. I may not know all the lyrics, but I know enough that I get a real blessing from repeating the lyrics over and over.
Along the same vein, I have always wanted to have scriptures "filed" away mentally so that I could meditate on them in my down times. So far I haven't found this as easy to do, but my mind does enjoy tumbling over scriptures I hear on the radio or in the BSF lectures. Instead of just letting my mind wander to fluffy, cotton candy thoughts, I now focus on the Word and God's desires for us.
My conversations have changed, too. Now, this does not count for work-related conversations of course. But I have noticed when I have a normal conversation with someone now, it's not "normal" at all. Gone are the Cracker Jack and soda pop conversations I have had in the past. Again, there is nothing wrong with a conversation that is "fluffy" -- my mom and I had each other in stitches in the car Saturday when I was visiting her. We all need the down time and giggle fits. However, I have found that several opportunities to share my faith with people have popped up since the beginning of the year. I don't think this is by any means a coincidence.
"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he" Proverbs 23:7
I believe my change of view and perspective -- and my change in desire -- has brought this all to pass. And I KNOW that the change is not of me. Our human nature is to turn from God to the things of the World -- to turn to sin and unholiness. However I believe one of the small miracles God has wrought in my life recently is this change in my way of thinking, in my desires, and in my walk with Him.
I no longer desire the mental junk food I used to feast on on a constant basis. I want something more substatial -- something that is going to feed and nourish my soul and carry me through each day.
@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@
My brother is "coming home" this week after a year-long stay with the fine law enforcement officers of Hardin County. He will go from there to my mom's house, then eventually -- and hopefully soon -- to a treatment facility. Finally both my mom and dad are in agreement that he needs some help, and they are both going to place him in a facility -- whether willingly or unwillingly.
I know it must be so very hard for them to admit that their child -- the youngest, and the only son -- has such an enormous problem. I am so very glad they are doing it though.
He claims to have had a salvation experience while he was "away." I have prayed so many times that it is so. Part of me worries it was one of those "jailhouse salvations" that happen -- while I am locked away, I live for the Lord, but when I have my freedom, I return to the life I lived before.
I have reminded my mom, though, that even if he did have such an experience, he cannot and will not be able to live a truly full life, free from the monkey that has been on his back for so long, without some sort of help.
I continue to pray for him. He is such a smart, handsome man. He just has no control over himself or his actions when he has total freedom.
Selfishly I also pray for me too -- one day mom and dad will be gone, and I will have this fully grown manchild I'll have to help through life. He has even asked me in a letter if I would help him and can he live in the same city as me if he promises to be good, once mom and dad are gone. He's admitted he doesn't know how to live on his own and will need help. It breaks my heart to even think about it, because he deserves to live a life on his own -- independant and not having to rely on anyone to do for him. He just doesn't know how, even at 30 years old.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Holy Tweets
I just read on the news that a church on Wall Street in NYC is using Twitter to broadcast their Stations of the Cross service today.
http://tech.yahoo.com/news/ap/20090410/ap_on_hi_te/rel_twitter_passion_play
This seems so weird and sacriligious to me. Then again, perhaps I'm too old-fashioned and low-tech?
http://tech.yahoo.com/news/ap/20090410/ap_on_hi_te/rel_twitter_passion_play
This seems so weird and sacriligious to me. Then again, perhaps I'm too old-fashioned and low-tech?
Thursday, April 2, 2009
And now my praise for Him
This morning was a great morning. This entry is going to start out sounding like it was awful, but keep reading – you’ll see.
First, I don’t keep it a secret that I have fibromyalgia, but I don’t broadcast it either. That being said, that syndrome/disease/disorder, whatever it is, has caused me to have some really bad days in the past…days where I just could not get to work because of exhaustion or pain or whatever. Well, yesterday was a particularly painful day. I was at work, but I was tired and in pain all day, no matter what I did.
When I woke up this morning, I was in pain again, similar to yesterday, and sooo sleepy. I hit my snooze button a few times, and almost woke up too late. I got up though, and was hurting so bad I knew I wouldn’t make it through the day at work. I didn’t even want to face having to dress and drive in! I went through the living room to turn on my computer, then went to the restroom, having decided that after I did by businessness in there, I would go back to the computer, send in an “I’m not coming in today” e-mail to work, then head back to bed and curl up with the doggie.
After I tinkied (yeah, weird name for it, I know), I decided I would at LEAST take a very warm shower, and maybe that would help me feel better. THEN I would go send my e-mail and go back to bed. That shower felt so so good, but I was semi-groaning through it because it just hurt to move. After a good hair washing, etc., I got out and toweled off. Throughout my shower and all, all I could think and hear in my head were the refrains of some of the praise songs I listen to at work and in the car – “Our God is an awesome God, He reigns in Heaven above with wisdom, power and love; our God is an awesome God.”
As I was drying off, I prayed that God would help me get dressed and get to work. I have been trying so hard to push through the days when I feel bad and get to work anyway. I have run out of sick and vacation time, and I really want to bank some up again. I managed to miss only one day in March (amazing for me), and tomorrow will mark three weeks in a row I have not missed any work.
I brushed my teeth and all of the other things I needed to do, and felt a little stronger mentally about it. I started some water for coffee, turned off my computer – I was going to go to work with the strength I knew the Lord would grant me because of my prayer. I even started praising Him for that strength AS I prayed for Him to grant it.
A little coffe, some Good Morning America, and a snuggle with my dog, and it was time to get dressed. Finally after walking the dog, I was out the door and on my way to work. Praise God! I stopped and dropped my rent check – no late fees for me! As I drove to Starbucks for a caramel macchiato and some oatmeal (I needed a comfort breakfast today), I realized my pain was actually subsiding!!! That NEVER happens that fast. Usually I have to sleep several hours just to escape the pain and wait for some sort of drug to kick in to relieve it.
Now, I’m still hurting. My hands and fingers are aching, my head is pounding, and if I allowed myself to get still long enough I could fall asleep in my chair. BUT I AM AT WORK!
As I was sipping coffee this morning, I read a couple of Psalms. I read Psalms 1 and 121. I’ve NEVER had a relationship with the Psalms. Sure, I know the 23rd, after having recited it, heard it seen it on plaques, etc., for as long as I have been alive. I know 121 is used a LOT and there is even a song based on it. It never talked to me the way it did this morning, though…to the point that while I was walking the dog, I was singing the part of the song that I knew.
“Psalm 121
1I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
2My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
3He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
4Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
5The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.
6The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
7The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
8The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.”
All I could do after I read this this morning was to pray and praise Him for always being right by me, protecting me and keeping me, even when I have not been aware of His presence. What a difference waking up praising and thanking the Lord has made!
Days like today and experiences like this are showing me the changes in my relationship to God – exactly what I prayed for and desired. It may be going slowly, but it is steady. And I have NOT been doing “my part” in this relationship for 20 years or so. I have made so few, little baby steps in the last few months, but for every one of those little baby steps I have made, there has been such a huge closing in the gap I have felt like I had placed between me and God by my past.
Amazing, though, that no matter what I did in the past, He has always been right here protecting and keeping me, shielding me from danger and damage both day and night. And PRAISE GOD that horrible guilt I have been feeling for the past has begun to lift and I feel so much “cleaner” than I did.
First, I don’t keep it a secret that I have fibromyalgia, but I don’t broadcast it either. That being said, that syndrome/disease/disorder, whatever it is, has caused me to have some really bad days in the past…days where I just could not get to work because of exhaustion or pain or whatever. Well, yesterday was a particularly painful day. I was at work, but I was tired and in pain all day, no matter what I did.
When I woke up this morning, I was in pain again, similar to yesterday, and sooo sleepy. I hit my snooze button a few times, and almost woke up too late. I got up though, and was hurting so bad I knew I wouldn’t make it through the day at work. I didn’t even want to face having to dress and drive in! I went through the living room to turn on my computer, then went to the restroom, having decided that after I did by businessness in there, I would go back to the computer, send in an “I’m not coming in today” e-mail to work, then head back to bed and curl up with the doggie.
After I tinkied (yeah, weird name for it, I know), I decided I would at LEAST take a very warm shower, and maybe that would help me feel better. THEN I would go send my e-mail and go back to bed. That shower felt so so good, but I was semi-groaning through it because it just hurt to move. After a good hair washing, etc., I got out and toweled off. Throughout my shower and all, all I could think and hear in my head were the refrains of some of the praise songs I listen to at work and in the car – “Our God is an awesome God, He reigns in Heaven above with wisdom, power and love; our God is an awesome God.”
As I was drying off, I prayed that God would help me get dressed and get to work. I have been trying so hard to push through the days when I feel bad and get to work anyway. I have run out of sick and vacation time, and I really want to bank some up again. I managed to miss only one day in March (amazing for me), and tomorrow will mark three weeks in a row I have not missed any work.
I brushed my teeth and all of the other things I needed to do, and felt a little stronger mentally about it. I started some water for coffee, turned off my computer – I was going to go to work with the strength I knew the Lord would grant me because of my prayer. I even started praising Him for that strength AS I prayed for Him to grant it.
A little coffe, some Good Morning America, and a snuggle with my dog, and it was time to get dressed. Finally after walking the dog, I was out the door and on my way to work. Praise God! I stopped and dropped my rent check – no late fees for me! As I drove to Starbucks for a caramel macchiato and some oatmeal (I needed a comfort breakfast today), I realized my pain was actually subsiding!!! That NEVER happens that fast. Usually I have to sleep several hours just to escape the pain and wait for some sort of drug to kick in to relieve it.
Now, I’m still hurting. My hands and fingers are aching, my head is pounding, and if I allowed myself to get still long enough I could fall asleep in my chair. BUT I AM AT WORK!
As I was sipping coffee this morning, I read a couple of Psalms. I read Psalms 1 and 121. I’ve NEVER had a relationship with the Psalms. Sure, I know the 23rd, after having recited it, heard it seen it on plaques, etc., for as long as I have been alive. I know 121 is used a LOT and there is even a song based on it. It never talked to me the way it did this morning, though…to the point that while I was walking the dog, I was singing the part of the song that I knew.
“Psalm 121
1I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
2My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
3He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
4Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
5The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.
6The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
7The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
8The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.”
All I could do after I read this this morning was to pray and praise Him for always being right by me, protecting me and keeping me, even when I have not been aware of His presence. What a difference waking up praising and thanking the Lord has made!
Days like today and experiences like this are showing me the changes in my relationship to God – exactly what I prayed for and desired. It may be going slowly, but it is steady. And I have NOT been doing “my part” in this relationship for 20 years or so. I have made so few, little baby steps in the last few months, but for every one of those little baby steps I have made, there has been such a huge closing in the gap I have felt like I had placed between me and God by my past.
Amazing, though, that no matter what I did in the past, He has always been right here protecting and keeping me, shielding me from danger and damage both day and night. And PRAISE GOD that horrible guilt I have been feeling for the past has begun to lift and I feel so much “cleaner” than I did.
PRAISE THE LORD
I was just about to post something I just wrote, but this song is on my iTunes right now, and I LOVE the lyrics:
Praise The Lord
When you're up against a struggle
That shatters all your dreams
And your hope has been cruelly crushed
By Satan's manifesting scheme
And you feel the urge within you
To submit to earthly fears
Don't let the faith you're standing in, seem to disappear
(Chorus)
Praise the Lord
He can work with those who praise Him ,
Praise the Lord
For our God inhabits praise,
Praise the Lord
For the chains that seem to bind you
Serve only to remind you that they drop powerless behind you
When you praise him
Now satan is a liar
And he wants to make us think
That we are paupers
When he knows himself
We're children of the King
So lift up the might shield of faith
For the battle has been won
We know that Jesus Christ has risen
So the work's already done
(Repeat Chorus)
Praise The Lord
When you're up against a struggle
That shatters all your dreams
And your hope has been cruelly crushed
By Satan's manifesting scheme
And you feel the urge within you
To submit to earthly fears
Don't let the faith you're standing in, seem to disappear
(Chorus)
Praise the Lord
He can work with those who praise Him ,
Praise the Lord
For our God inhabits praise,
Praise the Lord
For the chains that seem to bind you
Serve only to remind you that they drop powerless behind you
When you praise him
Now satan is a liar
And he wants to make us think
That we are paupers
When he knows himself
We're children of the King
So lift up the might shield of faith
For the battle has been won
We know that Jesus Christ has risen
So the work's already done
(Repeat Chorus)
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