Well, just as temptation can come in friendly, attractive, comforting packages, so, too, can encouragement come when you most need it ... and from wonderful sources.
I've been using my Facebook account to post scriptures and lyrics to hymns and Christian songs that really mean something to me. I've enjoyed sharing with my "friends" on there (a mix of co-workers, former co-workers, high school and elementary school classmates, family, friends and others) these things that have meant so much to me in the past weeks and months.
A few weeks ago I discovered that one of my former classmates "unfriended" me with no explanation. I have assumed it was because of the Christ-centered posts I have made. (Maybe those assumptions are incorrect, but it's the only reason I can think of.)
Of course, I began to second-guess whether I should post so many of these so often. I want so much to be completely unafraid and unashamed to share the Gospel -- I want Romans 1:16 to be my motto:
"For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek."
K. and I e-mailed back and forth today about a former employee who passed away yesterday, whether she was a believer, and how we both want for the first thing people think of when we go to be how devoted we were to the Lord. I told her when it is my time to leave, I want the FIRST words out of everyone's mouth to be about how much I loved the Lord and how I was not ashamed to share that with anyone.
But as much as I want to be unashamed in sharing the Gospel, I also do not want to shove it own people's throats to the point they cannot hear. I know having that happen can be and often is a HUGE turn off for non-believers. That is why I have always tried to live the way I knew God wanted me to and let that be my testimony.
So in the light of being unfriended, I considered cutting back on how many and how often of those kinds of posts I put on my page. I even considered stopping them, even if just for a little while.
Today, though, since I had not yet made a decision, I posted the lyrics to "Have Thine Own Way, Lord."
Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Thou art the Potter, I am the clay.
Mold me and make me after Thy will,
While I am waiting, yielded and still.
Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Search me and try me, Master, today!
Whiter than snow, Lord, wash me just now,
As in Thy presence humbly I bow.
Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Wounded and weary, help me, I pray!
Power, all power, surely is Thine!
Touch me and heal me, Savior divine.
Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Hold o’er my being absolute sway!
Fill with Thy Spirit ’till all shall see
Christ only, always, living in me.
Not very long after I posted it, I got a reply from one of my friends: "Thanks Lauren. I needed this today."
WOW! Immediately my heart was filled and I had my answer: no way could I not continue to post those scriptures and lyrics. Even if just one of every 20 I post holds that for someone, I have to do it.
I e-mailed K. and told her about it. Below is her response and the scripture to which she referred me:
"I just meant to say that I think you're doing the right thing. Satan will try to discourage you from proclaiming what God had done for you and is teaching you. And he knows exactly how to hit you where it hurts (such as being unfriended on Facebook). As you start following Christ more, my understanding is that you will be persecuted more. Take heart! You must be on the right track if you're scaring Satan into action! :)"
Matthew 10: 26-39
26 Fear them not therefore: for there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; and hid, that shall not be known.
27 What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light: and what ye hear in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops.
28 And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.
29 Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father.
30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
31 Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.
32 Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven.
33 But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.
34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
38 And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.
39 He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.
Matt. 5: 11-12
11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.
John 15: 19-21
19 If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.
20 Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.
21 But all these things will they do unto you for my name's sake, because they know not him that sent me.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Night one down -- 29 to go
Well, I have to say night one of the challenge went well. I think that was mostly due to the fact I let myself play on the computer, though. Tonight will be the first night without either. It should be interesting.
It was a bit odd last night -- I got home and started dinner, and I was talking to my dog a mile a minute, singing and talking gibberish and stuff. I told her, "Molly, it just started and I'm already going out of my mind."
I thought it would be kind of funny to call my mom and tell her that -- and probably even get some encouragement from her, too.
Well, I learned last night that Satan uses some things that are very important to us when he wants to test us -- and he sometimes uses US when we don't even realize it.
Wehn I was talking to mom about what I was doing, she said "Do you have to give up TV *and* your computer? That's a lot. Isn't there something else you could do?"
I know that her first and only thought was, "My baby is going to be uncomfortable and I do not want that!"
It would have been so easy to say "Yeah, I guess your right. Maybe I should just cut back on them rather than cut them out completely..." (Still, to this day, I sometimes seek my mom's "permission" for some things, like missing work if I am not feeling well, etc.)
I know my mom's only thought was to protect me from discomfort -- and I also know she had no idea that at that moment Satan was using her to tempt me. She had no ill will behind her statement. But Satan comes in very attractive -- and sometimes comforting -- packages.
I did make it without turning on the TV once all day. The radio was on my favorite Christian station the entire evening. It was nice noise.
Tonight it's going to get a little more rough, though, with no computer.
We'll see how it goes.
It was a bit odd last night -- I got home and started dinner, and I was talking to my dog a mile a minute, singing and talking gibberish and stuff. I told her, "Molly, it just started and I'm already going out of my mind."
I thought it would be kind of funny to call my mom and tell her that -- and probably even get some encouragement from her, too.
Well, I learned last night that Satan uses some things that are very important to us when he wants to test us -- and he sometimes uses US when we don't even realize it.
Wehn I was talking to mom about what I was doing, she said "Do you have to give up TV *and* your computer? That's a lot. Isn't there something else you could do?"
I know that her first and only thought was, "My baby is going to be uncomfortable and I do not want that!"
It would have been so easy to say "Yeah, I guess your right. Maybe I should just cut back on them rather than cut them out completely..." (Still, to this day, I sometimes seek my mom's "permission" for some things, like missing work if I am not feeling well, etc.)
I know my mom's only thought was to protect me from discomfort -- and I also know she had no idea that at that moment Satan was using her to tempt me. She had no ill will behind her statement. But Satan comes in very attractive -- and sometimes comforting -- packages.
I did make it without turning on the TV once all day. The radio was on my favorite Christian station the entire evening. It was nice noise.
Tonight it's going to get a little more rough, though, with no computer.
We'll see how it goes.
Monday, June 22, 2009
No TV for a MONTH?!?!???
Today is the first day of my 30-day no-TV challenge time. It’s really weird how I have an odd mixture of feelings about doing this.
On the one hand, I am SO excited to be able to turn off that attention sucker and do some of the things I have been wanting to do for a long time. I already have plans to spend some time in study and prayer, of course, and I want to follow some of the studies I have found when planning for a BSF-free summer. Then of course are the crafts I want to complete … I laid aside the prayer shawl I was working on never to get back to it. I want to work on it again, get it finished, and start the next one. I’d like to have 6 of these completed by the beginning of November. And if I want to sell purses at the craft show this year, I’d better get on those. I have a new bird feeder on the patio, so that will be some great entertainment. There are so many books to read, things to write, subjects to study. I feel almost like a kid the night before Christmas morning!
Then there is that scared feeling – the one of, “What am I going to do for noise when I am alone every night? Am I going to be able to resist the temptation to watch? What do I do this coming weekend when I go to mom’s? And how am I going to feel if I somehow manage to complete the 30-day challenge successfully? Does that mean I was a TV addict?” I was reading some of the comments people left at Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ site about the challenge. One of the things I honestly did not think about was noise in my apartment during this time. Right now, from the time I get home until I go to bed, the TV is on the entire time. And sometimes I sleep with it on! That noise and “companionship” is always there. I am going to fiddle with my stereo tonight (the one I have so far only used to pipe sound through when I watch a movie) and see if I can pick up my favorite radio station for noise.
I’m wondering, though, how difficult it will be to be in a noiseless atmosphere. I don’t know that I have ever done that for any great amount of time. This is going to be a really interesting time, I think.
I started the morning with a Psalm after my shower – I decided I DEFINITELY want to spend this next 30 days getting into the habit of studying a Psalm a day in order to grow closer to the Lord and learn His attributes. The study Laura taught us in the BSF seminar about how to study the Word on our own was so miraculous – basically you read a Psalm a day, write down the attributes of God found in that Psalm, then pray those attributes back to God, thanking Him and praising Him for them. I have been so excited about growing closer to God and learning more about Him. I am looking forward to this study so much.
@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@
My dad and brother were here over the weekend. It was an interesting at times, frustrating at times, just plain fun at times weekend, and when it was all over, I was so glad they came.
My father has decided that rather than stash away all of his money, he wants to give me part of my inheritance now by giving me a significant down payment on a house. So, for about two years we have been discussing it, house hunting, etc. It’s been frustrating at times because our M.O.s on something like this are so different. For me, I go looking at houses with my real estate agent, I see one I really like, I am ready to move. My dad, though, is chronically (as he puts it) hesitant to “pull the trigger” on it. He waits and waits and analyzes and looks for something better, etc. Well, this trip was first planned for us to go house hunting. This will be the third serious effort I have put into finding a new home, and sure enough I found the third home I liked (the first two, because of hesitancy on dad’s part, got away). Then after we spent the morning with the real estate agent, found the one just right for me, talked about it, etc., he says “I’m not sure it’s not too early to be doing this.”
Man, oh man.
I’m learning patience, that’s for sure.
My brother and I had a pretty decent time together. He and I have a lot of hard feelings between us, and I’ve been trying to sort those out and rectify them on my end, but again our operating systems are very different in this. I’m very typical female – let’s air it all out, talk about it, apologize for what has been done in the past, and make a sincere, serious effort moving forward to fix those things that were broken. His way of doing it is let the past be past, don’t talk about it again, not even to apologize, and go on.
There are still some things he does that really get to me, though. One example is his lying. He told a whopper of a lie to the real estate agent Saturday when we were riding from house to house. His motivation for lying I cannot understand because I have never been in his position in life. However, what he lied about was something that involved me and a huge sacrifice I made for my mom very recently. He had told me in the past that he had told this lie, and I was really hurt at the thought that he would tell someone what he did. I felt like it completely devalued what I did. I didn’t say that to him, though, and told him that when you build something on a lie, it is bound to fail because it is not built on the faith that God will do what is in His plan. Rather than letting Him do His work, you are trying to do it yourself and your way – and it just don’t work that way! He agreed and we had a good conversation about it at that time. Then to hear him repeat the lie Saturday, and for no good reason than to make himself look better in the eyes of someone he may never see again in his life – well, it took everything I had in me to bite my tongue and not say something to him about it.
Obviously I do not know how to handle this situation with him. I’m going to need a LOT of help from the Lord with this.
On the one hand, I am SO excited to be able to turn off that attention sucker and do some of the things I have been wanting to do for a long time. I already have plans to spend some time in study and prayer, of course, and I want to follow some of the studies I have found when planning for a BSF-free summer. Then of course are the crafts I want to complete … I laid aside the prayer shawl I was working on never to get back to it. I want to work on it again, get it finished, and start the next one. I’d like to have 6 of these completed by the beginning of November. And if I want to sell purses at the craft show this year, I’d better get on those. I have a new bird feeder on the patio, so that will be some great entertainment. There are so many books to read, things to write, subjects to study. I feel almost like a kid the night before Christmas morning!
Then there is that scared feeling – the one of, “What am I going to do for noise when I am alone every night? Am I going to be able to resist the temptation to watch? What do I do this coming weekend when I go to mom’s? And how am I going to feel if I somehow manage to complete the 30-day challenge successfully? Does that mean I was a TV addict?” I was reading some of the comments people left at Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ site about the challenge. One of the things I honestly did not think about was noise in my apartment during this time. Right now, from the time I get home until I go to bed, the TV is on the entire time. And sometimes I sleep with it on! That noise and “companionship” is always there. I am going to fiddle with my stereo tonight (the one I have so far only used to pipe sound through when I watch a movie) and see if I can pick up my favorite radio station for noise.
I’m wondering, though, how difficult it will be to be in a noiseless atmosphere. I don’t know that I have ever done that for any great amount of time. This is going to be a really interesting time, I think.
I started the morning with a Psalm after my shower – I decided I DEFINITELY want to spend this next 30 days getting into the habit of studying a Psalm a day in order to grow closer to the Lord and learn His attributes. The study Laura taught us in the BSF seminar about how to study the Word on our own was so miraculous – basically you read a Psalm a day, write down the attributes of God found in that Psalm, then pray those attributes back to God, thanking Him and praising Him for them. I have been so excited about growing closer to God and learning more about Him. I am looking forward to this study so much.
@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@
My dad and brother were here over the weekend. It was an interesting at times, frustrating at times, just plain fun at times weekend, and when it was all over, I was so glad they came.
My father has decided that rather than stash away all of his money, he wants to give me part of my inheritance now by giving me a significant down payment on a house. So, for about two years we have been discussing it, house hunting, etc. It’s been frustrating at times because our M.O.s on something like this are so different. For me, I go looking at houses with my real estate agent, I see one I really like, I am ready to move. My dad, though, is chronically (as he puts it) hesitant to “pull the trigger” on it. He waits and waits and analyzes and looks for something better, etc. Well, this trip was first planned for us to go house hunting. This will be the third serious effort I have put into finding a new home, and sure enough I found the third home I liked (the first two, because of hesitancy on dad’s part, got away). Then after we spent the morning with the real estate agent, found the one just right for me, talked about it, etc., he says “I’m not sure it’s not too early to be doing this.”
Man, oh man.
I’m learning patience, that’s for sure.
My brother and I had a pretty decent time together. He and I have a lot of hard feelings between us, and I’ve been trying to sort those out and rectify them on my end, but again our operating systems are very different in this. I’m very typical female – let’s air it all out, talk about it, apologize for what has been done in the past, and make a sincere, serious effort moving forward to fix those things that were broken. His way of doing it is let the past be past, don’t talk about it again, not even to apologize, and go on.
There are still some things he does that really get to me, though. One example is his lying. He told a whopper of a lie to the real estate agent Saturday when we were riding from house to house. His motivation for lying I cannot understand because I have never been in his position in life. However, what he lied about was something that involved me and a huge sacrifice I made for my mom very recently. He had told me in the past that he had told this lie, and I was really hurt at the thought that he would tell someone what he did. I felt like it completely devalued what I did. I didn’t say that to him, though, and told him that when you build something on a lie, it is bound to fail because it is not built on the faith that God will do what is in His plan. Rather than letting Him do His work, you are trying to do it yourself and your way – and it just don’t work that way! He agreed and we had a good conversation about it at that time. Then to hear him repeat the lie Saturday, and for no good reason than to make himself look better in the eyes of someone he may never see again in his life – well, it took everything I had in me to bite my tongue and not say something to him about it.
Obviously I do not know how to handle this situation with him. I’m going to need a LOT of help from the Lord with this.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Thinking thoughts and other things
I feel like I have been at a little of a standstill lately in my spiritual growth. I'm not too worried about it, since I do know that with every thing that grows, there are still times -- especially just before another explosion of growth. That is what I am hoping for.
My friend K. and I went to lunch together yesterday to discuss Bible studies we could possibly do together over the summer, while BSF is on hiatus. We didn't really come to any conclusion about a particular Bible study, but it was such a wonderful time of fellowship and discussion. I think we each walked away with a few more entries on our prayer lists and hopefully more calmness about sometimes feeling "lost" as to how to study the Word on our own.
I told her one of my biggest problems is that I lose focus. I have SO many different studies I want to do -- predestination vs. free will; the attributes of God; a Christ-centered way of living for a more healthy weight; a series of verses and passages to help a friend of mine who is going through a VERY rough time in her life and she's "mad at God" as she puts it; and several more. I have been gathering different study materials and ideas almost in panic mode, because I knew the end of the BSF structure would be difficult for me to handle. It is SO easy when you have a weekly passage assigned to you, and a set of questions about that passage handed to you. Then you know you have to complete those questions in a week -- if you don't answer the questions in writing, you don't get to participate in the discussion.
It is also difficult for me to prioritize the study subjects I feel led to -- I WANT to know God more intimately, so of course the one on His attributes would be wonderful; I'm also searching for a church home, and one of my "yardsticks" for measuring them is whether they believe in predestination, so of course I have to be "up on" what the Bible says about it vs. free will; and I told K. yesterday at lunch that I know my weight is a sin...gluttony is a sin...and so the Christ-centered weight loss study would be great; and I feel like C., my friend who is mad at God, is approaching crisis mode, and I feel very strongly led to witness to her, but I need to find HOW to do so in a way she will understand and "see" why God does what He does -- and that we're not to neccessarily understand His ways, but to believe and obey.
It feels like every one of them is high priority, and so of course I have done as I usually do at times like this -- I freeze, unable to make a decision. I pray for guidance from the Lord to direct me which of these studies I am to do, or how to concurrently do more than one of them, if that is His will.
Christian Comments
Myspace Comments
The above is just soemthing I found on the Web and liked.
This morning I was listening to Jack Hayford on the radio, and the lesson was about how men who are saved can lead a more Christ- and Biblically centered life. The lesson was really great, and I enjoyed it. It made me realize, though, that I wish I had the kind of relationship with my dad where we could sit down and talk about why guys are the way they are, and why men do some of the things they do. It would have been such a help to me. I do adore my dad, though, and he will be here this weekend with me for Father's Day.
I feel so grateful this year at Father's Day that my relationship with my earthly father is so much stronger and more peaceful, and we have grown much closer over the past couple of years, despite my living further away from him than ever. And I am also thankful that I can pretty much say the same about my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
Christian Comments
Myspace Comments
My friend K. and I went to lunch together yesterday to discuss Bible studies we could possibly do together over the summer, while BSF is on hiatus. We didn't really come to any conclusion about a particular Bible study, but it was such a wonderful time of fellowship and discussion. I think we each walked away with a few more entries on our prayer lists and hopefully more calmness about sometimes feeling "lost" as to how to study the Word on our own.
I told her one of my biggest problems is that I lose focus. I have SO many different studies I want to do -- predestination vs. free will; the attributes of God; a Christ-centered way of living for a more healthy weight; a series of verses and passages to help a friend of mine who is going through a VERY rough time in her life and she's "mad at God" as she puts it; and several more. I have been gathering different study materials and ideas almost in panic mode, because I knew the end of the BSF structure would be difficult for me to handle. It is SO easy when you have a weekly passage assigned to you, and a set of questions about that passage handed to you. Then you know you have to complete those questions in a week -- if you don't answer the questions in writing, you don't get to participate in the discussion.
It is also difficult for me to prioritize the study subjects I feel led to -- I WANT to know God more intimately, so of course the one on His attributes would be wonderful; I'm also searching for a church home, and one of my "yardsticks" for measuring them is whether they believe in predestination, so of course I have to be "up on" what the Bible says about it vs. free will; and I told K. yesterday at lunch that I know my weight is a sin...gluttony is a sin...and so the Christ-centered weight loss study would be great; and I feel like C., my friend who is mad at God, is approaching crisis mode, and I feel very strongly led to witness to her, but I need to find HOW to do so in a way she will understand and "see" why God does what He does -- and that we're not to neccessarily understand His ways, but to believe and obey.
It feels like every one of them is high priority, and so of course I have done as I usually do at times like this -- I freeze, unable to make a decision. I pray for guidance from the Lord to direct me which of these studies I am to do, or how to concurrently do more than one of them, if that is His will.
Christian Comments
Myspace Comments
The above is just soemthing I found on the Web and liked.
This morning I was listening to Jack Hayford on the radio, and the lesson was about how men who are saved can lead a more Christ- and Biblically centered life. The lesson was really great, and I enjoyed it. It made me realize, though, that I wish I had the kind of relationship with my dad where we could sit down and talk about why guys are the way they are, and why men do some of the things they do. It would have been such a help to me. I do adore my dad, though, and he will be here this weekend with me for Father's Day.
I feel so grateful this year at Father's Day that my relationship with my earthly father is so much stronger and more peaceful, and we have grown much closer over the past couple of years, despite my living further away from him than ever. And I am also thankful that I can pretty much say the same about my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
Christian Comments
Myspace Comments
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Roadblocks
I want to post a notice here. It's something I didn't think about until today -- and to be honest I'm not sure if I NEED to post this, but I guess better safe than sorry?
NOTICE: This is a PERSONAL blog on which I record my personal thoughts and feelings regarding my personal walk with the Lord. If you are someone who would normally not be privy to this, i.e. from work, please keep in mind that this is a personal blog. Why would I put a link to this in a place where people from work could read it? In the hopes that it will touch, inspire, be a witness to whoever takes the time to look at it. There may be things in here that I would NEVER say to people I work with. Please remember, should you come across one of these, that this is basically my journal -- something most people keep private -- and I am letting you have a peek. Don't make me regret that.
I have a few BIG roadblocks in my life -- things that have always been there, but I have not tried to conquer...or I have tried, but only halfheartedly -- or I tried and failed, the most painful one of all.
I am planning to take a serious stab at conquering a couple of these roadblocks in the very near future -- only this time I am hoping something will be different. I have never in the past entered a "battle" to overcome something like these with my entire focus on the Lord during that time.
One of these is my weight. I have ALWAYS always had to battle this. I've done some pretty drastic things, like eating about 800 calories a day, slight bulemia, even getting gastric bypass surgery. Nothing has ever helped. Now, the surgery did help -- let me rephrase, though. Nothing has ever conquered the unhealthy relationship with food I have had my entire life and helped me to lose enough weight that I could live a "normal" lifestyle.
Recently I found a bible-based weight loss program, though. It is my intention to begin working through it as part of my daily time with God -- something I have neglected lately and want to get back to.
I have only peeked at the materials, but from what I have seen so far, it looks great. It does include an eating plan, which is not something I expected it to include. (I thought it would be all Bible study, etc.) I'm not sure if I will use its plan or not. It's a basic exchange program, which is easy enough. But there may be a Weight Watchers at Work program starting up again at work soon -- if it does, I am going to join and use their point system as my guideline.
And so, over the next few days and weeks, I am going to do my best to consistently work in the materials that came with the program. It's a 13-week course, so I would like to follow it as close to that timeline as I can. It is likely something I will need to/want to go back and repeat.
I not only want to get to the point where the fact that I am a temple for the Lord, and eating unhealthy or excess amounts of food is an abomination to Him. I also, as a Christian, should live the kind of life that people look at and see Him reflected in me. I want every aspect of my life to be for Him, about Him, pointing to Him. I know it won't be easy. I have God on my side though.
I'll be working on this during a time when I am going to do something I have NEVER thought I could do or seriously considered trying -- I'm taking a 30-day no TV challenge soon. Laziness and easily distractedness are two roadblocks of mine that are tied together that I want to conquer as well...more on that in another entry, though.
NOTICE: This is a PERSONAL blog on which I record my personal thoughts and feelings regarding my personal walk with the Lord. If you are someone who would normally not be privy to this, i.e. from work, please keep in mind that this is a personal blog. Why would I put a link to this in a place where people from work could read it? In the hopes that it will touch, inspire, be a witness to whoever takes the time to look at it. There may be things in here that I would NEVER say to people I work with. Please remember, should you come across one of these, that this is basically my journal -- something most people keep private -- and I am letting you have a peek. Don't make me regret that.
I have a few BIG roadblocks in my life -- things that have always been there, but I have not tried to conquer...or I have tried, but only halfheartedly -- or I tried and failed, the most painful one of all.
I am planning to take a serious stab at conquering a couple of these roadblocks in the very near future -- only this time I am hoping something will be different. I have never in the past entered a "battle" to overcome something like these with my entire focus on the Lord during that time.
One of these is my weight. I have ALWAYS always had to battle this. I've done some pretty drastic things, like eating about 800 calories a day, slight bulemia, even getting gastric bypass surgery. Nothing has ever helped. Now, the surgery did help -- let me rephrase, though. Nothing has ever conquered the unhealthy relationship with food I have had my entire life and helped me to lose enough weight that I could live a "normal" lifestyle.
Recently I found a bible-based weight loss program, though. It is my intention to begin working through it as part of my daily time with God -- something I have neglected lately and want to get back to.
I have only peeked at the materials, but from what I have seen so far, it looks great. It does include an eating plan, which is not something I expected it to include. (I thought it would be all Bible study, etc.) I'm not sure if I will use its plan or not. It's a basic exchange program, which is easy enough. But there may be a Weight Watchers at Work program starting up again at work soon -- if it does, I am going to join and use their point system as my guideline.
And so, over the next few days and weeks, I am going to do my best to consistently work in the materials that came with the program. It's a 13-week course, so I would like to follow it as close to that timeline as I can. It is likely something I will need to/want to go back and repeat.
I not only want to get to the point where the fact that I am a temple for the Lord, and eating unhealthy or excess amounts of food is an abomination to Him. I also, as a Christian, should live the kind of life that people look at and see Him reflected in me. I want every aspect of my life to be for Him, about Him, pointing to Him. I know it won't be easy. I have God on my side though.
I'll be working on this during a time when I am going to do something I have NEVER thought I could do or seriously considered trying -- I'm taking a 30-day no TV challenge soon. Laziness and easily distractedness are two roadblocks of mine that are tied together that I want to conquer as well...more on that in another entry, though.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
A long absence
It seems like ages since I last wrote -- and it has been. The last few weeks have been ... well ... flailing for me. I don't know any other way to put it. Nothing has been bad, really. My health has been good. No bad fibro days or anything. Work has been busy but good. I went to my mom's for Mother's Day. I realized on the way to her house this weekend that the entire time these last few weeks, I have felt uncentered -- off-balance. Nothing was bad, but something wasn't right.
Oh -- yes. That's it. I haven't been doing my time with God each morning. I haven't been spending as much time in prayer as I was. I hadn't attended BSF for two weeks. I haven't visited a church for two weeks. Of course I was uncentered. Of course it felt like something wasn't right. I was missing my time with God each day. And praise God missing that time had that effect on me!
Never did I ever think, honestly, that if I went without that much prayer and without spending time with God, even if it was just a few minutes each day, the rest of my life would be so greatly affected. I have been wondering what was "wrong," and now that I know, I long for things to be as they were again. I miss spending time with God EVERY morning before work. That time centered and refreshed me. I yearn to have that time learning His Word, seeking His guidance, and praying.
I don't even know what got me off track so much. I let life get in the way, I think. And here it is already Wednesday, and I have yet to spend one day like that -- starting off first with the Lord, then letting the rest of the pieces fall into place.
And now BSF is coming to an end for this year. No longer will I have those Monday night lectures from D. There will not be any structured Bible study for me to follow in my daily quiet time. No more choir of the voices of 300 beautiful women together singing "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound," and "Then sings my soul, my Savior, God, to Thee, how great Thou art."
I have to wait until September for all of those again.
I have been praying that not only will God guide me to have the discipline I need to devote that time to Him daily, but to also work on those parts of me that might prevent that. To seek out study material ahead of time so there is no, "Well, I don't know what to study today. Guess I'll wait til tomorrow." To go to bed early enough to get the restful, restorative sleep I need to actually get up early in the morning and have that time with Him, and not sleep until the very last minute, then hop up and rush about just to get dressed for work, neglecting my time for Him.
I've also prayed that the tiny flame of desire to know Him better and life every aspect of my life for Him will not go out, but will slowly over time continue to grow. Rather than a hot, fast flash fire that consumes me totally, then burns itself out quickly, as I have experienced in the past, this return to Him has started with a small spark of yearning. His placing other believers close to me in life and drawing me to Him gently has fanned that spark, until it has slowly grown. It's God's slow, soft burning that I know will continue in me -- and will continue to grow hotter and more consuming over time.
@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@
My desire to find a church home of my own has led me to begin visiting and contacting local churches in hopes of finding that body of believers -- that Christian family -- to which I belong. It is such a daunting task, though. I have never really looked for a church home before -- and certainly never just me, on my own.
My mother's advice for my search was, "Ask them if they believe in predestination." I was raised in a church that believed and taught that God predestined those who are His to be saved. I never questioned that -- I just believed it.
Well, her advice prodded me to begin studying predestination. I don't doubt that belief -- the Bible states plainly God predestined us for salvation:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified." Romans 8:28-30
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ. In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory." Ephesians 1: 3-14
I have found on the Internet, though, several essays and studies about predestination vs. free will. I have printed them out and plan to use these as my first post-BSF study. Before I walk up a pastor of a church and ask, "So what do you teach your congregation about predestination?" I want to be certain *I* know what the Bible says and does not say on both sides of the argument. I have heard soem of the preachers on the radio station I listen to say yes, God knew at the beginning of time we were going to be His, but He still left us with the free will to *choose* to be His. To me, predestination negates free will -- if He decided it already, it may *feel* like I am making a choice to follow Him, but am I really choosing? How can I choose if the decision has already been made for me? And how could I, a sinful creature by nature whose instinct is to turn away from God and all things holy, make that choice on my own, anyway?
I obviously have quite a bit to study -- and quite a bit to pray about.
I also still plan to do the study of Psalms and God's attributes they taught us at BSF. I'm really looking forward to it.
Oh -- yes. That's it. I haven't been doing my time with God each morning. I haven't been spending as much time in prayer as I was. I hadn't attended BSF for two weeks. I haven't visited a church for two weeks. Of course I was uncentered. Of course it felt like something wasn't right. I was missing my time with God each day. And praise God missing that time had that effect on me!
Never did I ever think, honestly, that if I went without that much prayer and without spending time with God, even if it was just a few minutes each day, the rest of my life would be so greatly affected. I have been wondering what was "wrong," and now that I know, I long for things to be as they were again. I miss spending time with God EVERY morning before work. That time centered and refreshed me. I yearn to have that time learning His Word, seeking His guidance, and praying.
I don't even know what got me off track so much. I let life get in the way, I think. And here it is already Wednesday, and I have yet to spend one day like that -- starting off first with the Lord, then letting the rest of the pieces fall into place.
And now BSF is coming to an end for this year. No longer will I have those Monday night lectures from D. There will not be any structured Bible study for me to follow in my daily quiet time. No more choir of the voices of 300 beautiful women together singing "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound," and "Then sings my soul, my Savior, God, to Thee, how great Thou art."
I have to wait until September for all of those again.
I have been praying that not only will God guide me to have the discipline I need to devote that time to Him daily, but to also work on those parts of me that might prevent that. To seek out study material ahead of time so there is no, "Well, I don't know what to study today. Guess I'll wait til tomorrow." To go to bed early enough to get the restful, restorative sleep I need to actually get up early in the morning and have that time with Him, and not sleep until the very last minute, then hop up and rush about just to get dressed for work, neglecting my time for Him.
I've also prayed that the tiny flame of desire to know Him better and life every aspect of my life for Him will not go out, but will slowly over time continue to grow. Rather than a hot, fast flash fire that consumes me totally, then burns itself out quickly, as I have experienced in the past, this return to Him has started with a small spark of yearning. His placing other believers close to me in life and drawing me to Him gently has fanned that spark, until it has slowly grown. It's God's slow, soft burning that I know will continue in me -- and will continue to grow hotter and more consuming over time.
@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@
My desire to find a church home of my own has led me to begin visiting and contacting local churches in hopes of finding that body of believers -- that Christian family -- to which I belong. It is such a daunting task, though. I have never really looked for a church home before -- and certainly never just me, on my own.
My mother's advice for my search was, "Ask them if they believe in predestination." I was raised in a church that believed and taught that God predestined those who are His to be saved. I never questioned that -- I just believed it.
Well, her advice prodded me to begin studying predestination. I don't doubt that belief -- the Bible states plainly God predestined us for salvation:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified." Romans 8:28-30
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ. In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory." Ephesians 1: 3-14
I have found on the Internet, though, several essays and studies about predestination vs. free will. I have printed them out and plan to use these as my first post-BSF study. Before I walk up a pastor of a church and ask, "So what do you teach your congregation about predestination?" I want to be certain *I* know what the Bible says and does not say on both sides of the argument. I have heard soem of the preachers on the radio station I listen to say yes, God knew at the beginning of time we were going to be His, but He still left us with the free will to *choose* to be His. To me, predestination negates free will -- if He decided it already, it may *feel* like I am making a choice to follow Him, but am I really choosing? How can I choose if the decision has already been made for me? And how could I, a sinful creature by nature whose instinct is to turn away from God and all things holy, make that choice on my own, anyway?
I obviously have quite a bit to study -- and quite a bit to pray about.
I also still plan to do the study of Psalms and God's attributes they taught us at BSF. I'm really looking forward to it.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Imperfections make us real
Monday morning was a bad one for me. It was a comedy of errors unfolding around me, and the further it unfurled, the more inadequate I felt.
I woke up with plenty of time to get dressed, have a cup of coffee and watch a little Good Morning America. I knew I had plenty of time to leave home, run the errands I needed to, and make it to a 9 am work appointment. Easy peasy.
As I was getting dressed, though, I was looking around my messy bathroom mentally tallying all of the things I have wanted to do around my home to get it in order, but I have failed to do any of them yet. One of the things I have heard on the Christian talk radio station I listen to was a woman who said God wants us to have a neat, clean, orderly home so our home can be our sanctuary -- so we don't have to feel stressed out about it when we're home, but rather we can sit back at peace. I also have had the conviction that my outward habits reflect what is inside me. I have been feeling SO at peace this year, and things seem to be "falling together" so well -- though I know it has nothing to do with falling together but rather God's careful placement.
Well, as I brushed my teeth, washed my face, etc., I kept thinking of all I had to do and want to do, but have not yet done. Of course that ugly self dialog started in my head -- "You're so lazy. There is no reason for you to not get these things done. What is your problem?? If you want to serve the Lord, you have to have a home, car, office, etc., that people can come into at any time and feel peace. THIS is not peaceful at all." It just went on and on until I just could only sigh, decide I would try to do better, and carry on with my day.
Sure enough, I got away from my home with plenty of time to spare. I wouldn't have to rush around and worry, etc. I had to get gas (I was on E -- ACK!) and pick up some Krazy Glue for a project I had to complete and be ready to give to someone at 9. When I pulled up to my favorite gas station/7-11 to do both in one stop, the pumps were full. No problem, I thought. I'll just pull around to the other side of the station. As I turned round the back of the store, there was a HUGE pick-up truck with an EVEN MORE HUGE horse trailer on it, sitting at the pumps, waiting for the next open one. And because his vehicle and trailer combined were so large, I could neither pass them in the parking lot nor go out of the parking lot by him and back in another way. Well, I had two choices: sit there and wait for who knows how long, or back up and go out an alternate exit.
I checked my blind spots TWICE, put it in reverse, looked back and started very slowly backing up. CRUUUUNCH. All I could do was whimper, whip my head around to make sure there really was no one behind me and my eyes weren't deceiving me, then put it in drive and hope for the best. As I pulled up -- SCRAAAAPE -- I saw it...a low concrete post, painted white. This was NOT going to be good for the fender of my fire red Mustang. Finally I get myself out of this pickle and safely pulled up to a pump waaay out in the boonies in the parking lot. I got out of my car and slowly circled. Another whimper -- my once pristine lil red car now has a huge white paint streak on the passenger back fender, with a little dent just to add to the effect.
Well, to add to the joy I was feeling at that moment, I realized my gas tank is on the OPPOSITE side of the car. Ugh!! I stomped around the car, my anger at the huge horse trailer guy turning into anger at myself very quickly -- anger because I was allowing someone's thoughtlessness to ruin my morning. Back up the car and pull around to another pump -- yeah, you guessed it, the one right NEXT to the horse trailer guy. I can't even describe how hard I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "YOU, sir, should have PLANNED AHEAD and fueled your truck LAST NIGHT BEFORE you hooked that HUGE trailer to it!"
I gassed up my car, ran in for Krazy Glue, then back out (and, yes, horse trailer guy was STILL there, so again I had to bite my already bruised tongue). I pulled away from the pump and to the side of the parking lot, out of the way of all entrances, exits, and traffic flow areas (see, horse trailer guy. THIS is how you sit in a parking lot and wait.) I got my little project put together, then I headed off to my 9 am meeting. Fortunately I was still early enough I could sit in my car and listen to a little preaching. It worked. I calmed down and "got happy" again. Phew.
The building I had to go into was an old, rickety looking building from the outside (101 S. Jennings St. if you're ever in Fort Worth), but it's a historic building -- and inside it is GORGEOUS. Now obviously it's not at all on the same plane with all the new construction on 7th Street, but it was beautiful and weathered and worn. All I could do was wonder what had that building been so many years ago and who had walked its halls.
The room for my appointment was on the 3rd floor, opposite end of the hall from the elevator. I had to stand out in the hall and wait on someone. Of course they had a big ficus tree plant thing in the corner. Now, I'm not one who can usually tell on sight if a plant is fake or real, if it's a good fake plant. Usually I have to touch the leaves or stick my finger in the soil to figure it out.
As I looked at this tree, though, I noticed first of all that some of its branches were missing leaves. There on the end of the branches were little bare twigs, naked and exposed. Then I began to notice other imperfections -- some of the leaves had yellow spots, and the tree had had to be tied up to keep its top-heavy frame from falling over.
It was only through its imperfections, proudly on display for all of the world to see and not hidden or tucked away in shame, that I knew that plant was the real deal. Had the tree looked perfect to the naked eye, even if I studied it closely, I might have never known it was a living, breathing thing. Those flaws let me know it was a real, true, living, beautiful plant.
I realized it's the same for me. How can I be a witness for the Lord if my life appears absolutely perfect -- even if it isn't. If I hide away the flaws and not let other people know, "Hey I struggle all of the time. Life isn't simple for me at all. But it's God's grace that carries me through those rough times and helps me live a life that is happy and blessed and joyful, even if my bathroom is dusty and my bedroom floor is covered in clothes and I have yellow spots on my leaves and need to be given some extra support to keep from falling over." Being saved, receiving God's grace, knowing that peace does not mean life is suddenly perfect. And if you are saved and life continues to throw hurdles in your path, that doesn't mean you're not "right" with the Lord.
Those imperfections are a testimony to others -- they speak to the fact that none of us, no not one, are perfect. Just forgiven.
I woke up with plenty of time to get dressed, have a cup of coffee and watch a little Good Morning America. I knew I had plenty of time to leave home, run the errands I needed to, and make it to a 9 am work appointment. Easy peasy.
As I was getting dressed, though, I was looking around my messy bathroom mentally tallying all of the things I have wanted to do around my home to get it in order, but I have failed to do any of them yet. One of the things I have heard on the Christian talk radio station I listen to was a woman who said God wants us to have a neat, clean, orderly home so our home can be our sanctuary -- so we don't have to feel stressed out about it when we're home, but rather we can sit back at peace. I also have had the conviction that my outward habits reflect what is inside me. I have been feeling SO at peace this year, and things seem to be "falling together" so well -- though I know it has nothing to do with falling together but rather God's careful placement.
Well, as I brushed my teeth, washed my face, etc., I kept thinking of all I had to do and want to do, but have not yet done. Of course that ugly self dialog started in my head -- "You're so lazy. There is no reason for you to not get these things done. What is your problem?? If you want to serve the Lord, you have to have a home, car, office, etc., that people can come into at any time and feel peace. THIS is not peaceful at all." It just went on and on until I just could only sigh, decide I would try to do better, and carry on with my day.
Sure enough, I got away from my home with plenty of time to spare. I wouldn't have to rush around and worry, etc. I had to get gas (I was on E -- ACK!) and pick up some Krazy Glue for a project I had to complete and be ready to give to someone at 9. When I pulled up to my favorite gas station/7-11 to do both in one stop, the pumps were full. No problem, I thought. I'll just pull around to the other side of the station. As I turned round the back of the store, there was a HUGE pick-up truck with an EVEN MORE HUGE horse trailer on it, sitting at the pumps, waiting for the next open one. And because his vehicle and trailer combined were so large, I could neither pass them in the parking lot nor go out of the parking lot by him and back in another way. Well, I had two choices: sit there and wait for who knows how long, or back up and go out an alternate exit.
I checked my blind spots TWICE, put it in reverse, looked back and started very slowly backing up. CRUUUUNCH. All I could do was whimper, whip my head around to make sure there really was no one behind me and my eyes weren't deceiving me, then put it in drive and hope for the best. As I pulled up -- SCRAAAAPE -- I saw it...a low concrete post, painted white. This was NOT going to be good for the fender of my fire red Mustang. Finally I get myself out of this pickle and safely pulled up to a pump waaay out in the boonies in the parking lot. I got out of my car and slowly circled. Another whimper -- my once pristine lil red car now has a huge white paint streak on the passenger back fender, with a little dent just to add to the effect.
Well, to add to the joy I was feeling at that moment, I realized my gas tank is on the OPPOSITE side of the car. Ugh!! I stomped around the car, my anger at the huge horse trailer guy turning into anger at myself very quickly -- anger because I was allowing someone's thoughtlessness to ruin my morning. Back up the car and pull around to another pump -- yeah, you guessed it, the one right NEXT to the horse trailer guy. I can't even describe how hard I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "YOU, sir, should have PLANNED AHEAD and fueled your truck LAST NIGHT BEFORE you hooked that HUGE trailer to it!"
I gassed up my car, ran in for Krazy Glue, then back out (and, yes, horse trailer guy was STILL there, so again I had to bite my already bruised tongue). I pulled away from the pump and to the side of the parking lot, out of the way of all entrances, exits, and traffic flow areas (see, horse trailer guy. THIS is how you sit in a parking lot and wait.) I got my little project put together, then I headed off to my 9 am meeting. Fortunately I was still early enough I could sit in my car and listen to a little preaching. It worked. I calmed down and "got happy" again. Phew.
The building I had to go into was an old, rickety looking building from the outside (101 S. Jennings St. if you're ever in Fort Worth), but it's a historic building -- and inside it is GORGEOUS. Now obviously it's not at all on the same plane with all the new construction on 7th Street, but it was beautiful and weathered and worn. All I could do was wonder what had that building been so many years ago and who had walked its halls.
The room for my appointment was on the 3rd floor, opposite end of the hall from the elevator. I had to stand out in the hall and wait on someone. Of course they had a big ficus tree plant thing in the corner. Now, I'm not one who can usually tell on sight if a plant is fake or real, if it's a good fake plant. Usually I have to touch the leaves or stick my finger in the soil to figure it out.
As I looked at this tree, though, I noticed first of all that some of its branches were missing leaves. There on the end of the branches were little bare twigs, naked and exposed. Then I began to notice other imperfections -- some of the leaves had yellow spots, and the tree had had to be tied up to keep its top-heavy frame from falling over.
It was only through its imperfections, proudly on display for all of the world to see and not hidden or tucked away in shame, that I knew that plant was the real deal. Had the tree looked perfect to the naked eye, even if I studied it closely, I might have never known it was a living, breathing thing. Those flaws let me know it was a real, true, living, beautiful plant.
I realized it's the same for me. How can I be a witness for the Lord if my life appears absolutely perfect -- even if it isn't. If I hide away the flaws and not let other people know, "Hey I struggle all of the time. Life isn't simple for me at all. But it's God's grace that carries me through those rough times and helps me live a life that is happy and blessed and joyful, even if my bathroom is dusty and my bedroom floor is covered in clothes and I have yellow spots on my leaves and need to be given some extra support to keep from falling over." Being saved, receiving God's grace, knowing that peace does not mean life is suddenly perfect. And if you are saved and life continues to throw hurdles in your path, that doesn't mean you're not "right" with the Lord.
Those imperfections are a testimony to others -- they speak to the fact that none of us, no not one, are perfect. Just forgiven.
Monday, April 13, 2009
God is so good
Tonight on the way to BSF, I was talking to my mom on the phone, telling her I was so tired and wished I could go home and just relax. I told her I know I needed to go, though, but I would sure love to be at home in my recliner.
Well, I got to the church and drug myself in, and throughout the first hymn I was in tears...inexplicably. I was so tired and in such pain, all I wanted to do was cry. Then D, our lecture leader, said that tonight's lecture was going to be for the tired Christian. She told the story of Bill and Gloria Gaither's hymn "Because He Lives."
Of course, we then sang the song, and as we did, tears of joy streamed down my face. I knew that tonight's lesson was for me.
Because He Lives
God sent His son, they called Him, Jesus;
He came to love, heal and forgive;
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives!
Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!
How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives;
But greater still the calm assurance:
This child can face uncertain days because He Lives!
Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!
And then one day, I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain;
And then, as death gives way to vict'ry,
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives!
Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!
Well, I got to the church and drug myself in, and throughout the first hymn I was in tears...inexplicably. I was so tired and in such pain, all I wanted to do was cry. Then D, our lecture leader, said that tonight's lecture was going to be for the tired Christian. She told the story of Bill and Gloria Gaither's hymn "Because He Lives."
Of course, we then sang the song, and as we did, tears of joy streamed down my face. I knew that tonight's lesson was for me.
Because He Lives
God sent His son, they called Him, Jesus;
He came to love, heal and forgive;
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives!
Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!
How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives;
But greater still the calm assurance:
This child can face uncertain days because He Lives!
Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!
And then one day, I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain;
And then, as death gives way to vict'ry,
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives!
Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!
Where the mind goes...
One of the things I prayed for when I first started attending BSF was that my mind would be consumed by God and His "things" -- prayers, "conversations" with Him, scripture I had read, lyrics of songs about Him, etc. There is always something going on in my brain -- not that that's a good thing ALL of the time, but there it is -- and I wanted the "junk" that filled most of my brain's "free" time to be replaced with things of the Lord.
It has worked -- and not that I do not believe that God can and will do anything we ask for, if it is in His will to do so, but my brain was so often consumed with the mental equivalent to junk food, I didn't think He would do a cleaning out so quickly in me.
For example, before I started BSF, the music I listened to was Cheeto music (sticking with the junk food theme here). It was just junk -- some country, a little pop, Texas swing. Not that any of it is "bad" in and of itself. It's just that this music gave my no nutrition -- there wasn't anything in it I could hold on to and carry with me. There was nothing there that would help me in my day and in my walk with the Lord. Since starting BSF, I only listen to Christian music or sermons on the radio. I found a wonderful local Christian radio station that mixes both music and sermons. My radio "dial" (even though it's digital) hasn't left the station since I started listening to it. To supplement the station, because I lose it when I go to my mom's, for example, I have a couple of CDs of some great praise and worship music in my player. As soon as the radio starts going fuzzy on me, I hit CD and start them up.
Now, when I have some mental downtime, I find the soundtrack in my head is all God-related. I may not know all the lyrics, but I know enough that I get a real blessing from repeating the lyrics over and over.
Along the same vein, I have always wanted to have scriptures "filed" away mentally so that I could meditate on them in my down times. So far I haven't found this as easy to do, but my mind does enjoy tumbling over scriptures I hear on the radio or in the BSF lectures. Instead of just letting my mind wander to fluffy, cotton candy thoughts, I now focus on the Word and God's desires for us.
My conversations have changed, too. Now, this does not count for work-related conversations of course. But I have noticed when I have a normal conversation with someone now, it's not "normal" at all. Gone are the Cracker Jack and soda pop conversations I have had in the past. Again, there is nothing wrong with a conversation that is "fluffy" -- my mom and I had each other in stitches in the car Saturday when I was visiting her. We all need the down time and giggle fits. However, I have found that several opportunities to share my faith with people have popped up since the beginning of the year. I don't think this is by any means a coincidence.
"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he" Proverbs 23:7
I believe my change of view and perspective -- and my change in desire -- has brought this all to pass. And I KNOW that the change is not of me. Our human nature is to turn from God to the things of the World -- to turn to sin and unholiness. However I believe one of the small miracles God has wrought in my life recently is this change in my way of thinking, in my desires, and in my walk with Him.
I no longer desire the mental junk food I used to feast on on a constant basis. I want something more substatial -- something that is going to feed and nourish my soul and carry me through each day.
@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@
My brother is "coming home" this week after a year-long stay with the fine law enforcement officers of Hardin County. He will go from there to my mom's house, then eventually -- and hopefully soon -- to a treatment facility. Finally both my mom and dad are in agreement that he needs some help, and they are both going to place him in a facility -- whether willingly or unwillingly.
I know it must be so very hard for them to admit that their child -- the youngest, and the only son -- has such an enormous problem. I am so very glad they are doing it though.
He claims to have had a salvation experience while he was "away." I have prayed so many times that it is so. Part of me worries it was one of those "jailhouse salvations" that happen -- while I am locked away, I live for the Lord, but when I have my freedom, I return to the life I lived before.
I have reminded my mom, though, that even if he did have such an experience, he cannot and will not be able to live a truly full life, free from the monkey that has been on his back for so long, without some sort of help.
I continue to pray for him. He is such a smart, handsome man. He just has no control over himself or his actions when he has total freedom.
Selfishly I also pray for me too -- one day mom and dad will be gone, and I will have this fully grown manchild I'll have to help through life. He has even asked me in a letter if I would help him and can he live in the same city as me if he promises to be good, once mom and dad are gone. He's admitted he doesn't know how to live on his own and will need help. It breaks my heart to even think about it, because he deserves to live a life on his own -- independant and not having to rely on anyone to do for him. He just doesn't know how, even at 30 years old.
It has worked -- and not that I do not believe that God can and will do anything we ask for, if it is in His will to do so, but my brain was so often consumed with the mental equivalent to junk food, I didn't think He would do a cleaning out so quickly in me.
For example, before I started BSF, the music I listened to was Cheeto music (sticking with the junk food theme here). It was just junk -- some country, a little pop, Texas swing. Not that any of it is "bad" in and of itself. It's just that this music gave my no nutrition -- there wasn't anything in it I could hold on to and carry with me. There was nothing there that would help me in my day and in my walk with the Lord. Since starting BSF, I only listen to Christian music or sermons on the radio. I found a wonderful local Christian radio station that mixes both music and sermons. My radio "dial" (even though it's digital) hasn't left the station since I started listening to it. To supplement the station, because I lose it when I go to my mom's, for example, I have a couple of CDs of some great praise and worship music in my player. As soon as the radio starts going fuzzy on me, I hit CD and start them up.
Now, when I have some mental downtime, I find the soundtrack in my head is all God-related. I may not know all the lyrics, but I know enough that I get a real blessing from repeating the lyrics over and over.
Along the same vein, I have always wanted to have scriptures "filed" away mentally so that I could meditate on them in my down times. So far I haven't found this as easy to do, but my mind does enjoy tumbling over scriptures I hear on the radio or in the BSF lectures. Instead of just letting my mind wander to fluffy, cotton candy thoughts, I now focus on the Word and God's desires for us.
My conversations have changed, too. Now, this does not count for work-related conversations of course. But I have noticed when I have a normal conversation with someone now, it's not "normal" at all. Gone are the Cracker Jack and soda pop conversations I have had in the past. Again, there is nothing wrong with a conversation that is "fluffy" -- my mom and I had each other in stitches in the car Saturday when I was visiting her. We all need the down time and giggle fits. However, I have found that several opportunities to share my faith with people have popped up since the beginning of the year. I don't think this is by any means a coincidence.
"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he" Proverbs 23:7
I believe my change of view and perspective -- and my change in desire -- has brought this all to pass. And I KNOW that the change is not of me. Our human nature is to turn from God to the things of the World -- to turn to sin and unholiness. However I believe one of the small miracles God has wrought in my life recently is this change in my way of thinking, in my desires, and in my walk with Him.
I no longer desire the mental junk food I used to feast on on a constant basis. I want something more substatial -- something that is going to feed and nourish my soul and carry me through each day.
@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@
My brother is "coming home" this week after a year-long stay with the fine law enforcement officers of Hardin County. He will go from there to my mom's house, then eventually -- and hopefully soon -- to a treatment facility. Finally both my mom and dad are in agreement that he needs some help, and they are both going to place him in a facility -- whether willingly or unwillingly.
I know it must be so very hard for them to admit that their child -- the youngest, and the only son -- has such an enormous problem. I am so very glad they are doing it though.
He claims to have had a salvation experience while he was "away." I have prayed so many times that it is so. Part of me worries it was one of those "jailhouse salvations" that happen -- while I am locked away, I live for the Lord, but when I have my freedom, I return to the life I lived before.
I have reminded my mom, though, that even if he did have such an experience, he cannot and will not be able to live a truly full life, free from the monkey that has been on his back for so long, without some sort of help.
I continue to pray for him. He is such a smart, handsome man. He just has no control over himself or his actions when he has total freedom.
Selfishly I also pray for me too -- one day mom and dad will be gone, and I will have this fully grown manchild I'll have to help through life. He has even asked me in a letter if I would help him and can he live in the same city as me if he promises to be good, once mom and dad are gone. He's admitted he doesn't know how to live on his own and will need help. It breaks my heart to even think about it, because he deserves to live a life on his own -- independant and not having to rely on anyone to do for him. He just doesn't know how, even at 30 years old.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Holy Tweets
I just read on the news that a church on Wall Street in NYC is using Twitter to broadcast their Stations of the Cross service today.
http://tech.yahoo.com/news/ap/20090410/ap_on_hi_te/rel_twitter_passion_play
This seems so weird and sacriligious to me. Then again, perhaps I'm too old-fashioned and low-tech?
http://tech.yahoo.com/news/ap/20090410/ap_on_hi_te/rel_twitter_passion_play
This seems so weird and sacriligious to me. Then again, perhaps I'm too old-fashioned and low-tech?
Thursday, April 2, 2009
And now my praise for Him
This morning was a great morning. This entry is going to start out sounding like it was awful, but keep reading – you’ll see.
First, I don’t keep it a secret that I have fibromyalgia, but I don’t broadcast it either. That being said, that syndrome/disease/disorder, whatever it is, has caused me to have some really bad days in the past…days where I just could not get to work because of exhaustion or pain or whatever. Well, yesterday was a particularly painful day. I was at work, but I was tired and in pain all day, no matter what I did.
When I woke up this morning, I was in pain again, similar to yesterday, and sooo sleepy. I hit my snooze button a few times, and almost woke up too late. I got up though, and was hurting so bad I knew I wouldn’t make it through the day at work. I didn’t even want to face having to dress and drive in! I went through the living room to turn on my computer, then went to the restroom, having decided that after I did by businessness in there, I would go back to the computer, send in an “I’m not coming in today” e-mail to work, then head back to bed and curl up with the doggie.
After I tinkied (yeah, weird name for it, I know), I decided I would at LEAST take a very warm shower, and maybe that would help me feel better. THEN I would go send my e-mail and go back to bed. That shower felt so so good, but I was semi-groaning through it because it just hurt to move. After a good hair washing, etc., I got out and toweled off. Throughout my shower and all, all I could think and hear in my head were the refrains of some of the praise songs I listen to at work and in the car – “Our God is an awesome God, He reigns in Heaven above with wisdom, power and love; our God is an awesome God.”
As I was drying off, I prayed that God would help me get dressed and get to work. I have been trying so hard to push through the days when I feel bad and get to work anyway. I have run out of sick and vacation time, and I really want to bank some up again. I managed to miss only one day in March (amazing for me), and tomorrow will mark three weeks in a row I have not missed any work.
I brushed my teeth and all of the other things I needed to do, and felt a little stronger mentally about it. I started some water for coffee, turned off my computer – I was going to go to work with the strength I knew the Lord would grant me because of my prayer. I even started praising Him for that strength AS I prayed for Him to grant it.
A little coffe, some Good Morning America, and a snuggle with my dog, and it was time to get dressed. Finally after walking the dog, I was out the door and on my way to work. Praise God! I stopped and dropped my rent check – no late fees for me! As I drove to Starbucks for a caramel macchiato and some oatmeal (I needed a comfort breakfast today), I realized my pain was actually subsiding!!! That NEVER happens that fast. Usually I have to sleep several hours just to escape the pain and wait for some sort of drug to kick in to relieve it.
Now, I’m still hurting. My hands and fingers are aching, my head is pounding, and if I allowed myself to get still long enough I could fall asleep in my chair. BUT I AM AT WORK!
As I was sipping coffee this morning, I read a couple of Psalms. I read Psalms 1 and 121. I’ve NEVER had a relationship with the Psalms. Sure, I know the 23rd, after having recited it, heard it seen it on plaques, etc., for as long as I have been alive. I know 121 is used a LOT and there is even a song based on it. It never talked to me the way it did this morning, though…to the point that while I was walking the dog, I was singing the part of the song that I knew.
“Psalm 121
1I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
2My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
3He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
4Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
5The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.
6The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
7The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
8The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.”
All I could do after I read this this morning was to pray and praise Him for always being right by me, protecting me and keeping me, even when I have not been aware of His presence. What a difference waking up praising and thanking the Lord has made!
Days like today and experiences like this are showing me the changes in my relationship to God – exactly what I prayed for and desired. It may be going slowly, but it is steady. And I have NOT been doing “my part” in this relationship for 20 years or so. I have made so few, little baby steps in the last few months, but for every one of those little baby steps I have made, there has been such a huge closing in the gap I have felt like I had placed between me and God by my past.
Amazing, though, that no matter what I did in the past, He has always been right here protecting and keeping me, shielding me from danger and damage both day and night. And PRAISE GOD that horrible guilt I have been feeling for the past has begun to lift and I feel so much “cleaner” than I did.
First, I don’t keep it a secret that I have fibromyalgia, but I don’t broadcast it either. That being said, that syndrome/disease/disorder, whatever it is, has caused me to have some really bad days in the past…days where I just could not get to work because of exhaustion or pain or whatever. Well, yesterday was a particularly painful day. I was at work, but I was tired and in pain all day, no matter what I did.
When I woke up this morning, I was in pain again, similar to yesterday, and sooo sleepy. I hit my snooze button a few times, and almost woke up too late. I got up though, and was hurting so bad I knew I wouldn’t make it through the day at work. I didn’t even want to face having to dress and drive in! I went through the living room to turn on my computer, then went to the restroom, having decided that after I did by businessness in there, I would go back to the computer, send in an “I’m not coming in today” e-mail to work, then head back to bed and curl up with the doggie.
After I tinkied (yeah, weird name for it, I know), I decided I would at LEAST take a very warm shower, and maybe that would help me feel better. THEN I would go send my e-mail and go back to bed. That shower felt so so good, but I was semi-groaning through it because it just hurt to move. After a good hair washing, etc., I got out and toweled off. Throughout my shower and all, all I could think and hear in my head were the refrains of some of the praise songs I listen to at work and in the car – “Our God is an awesome God, He reigns in Heaven above with wisdom, power and love; our God is an awesome God.”
As I was drying off, I prayed that God would help me get dressed and get to work. I have been trying so hard to push through the days when I feel bad and get to work anyway. I have run out of sick and vacation time, and I really want to bank some up again. I managed to miss only one day in March (amazing for me), and tomorrow will mark three weeks in a row I have not missed any work.
I brushed my teeth and all of the other things I needed to do, and felt a little stronger mentally about it. I started some water for coffee, turned off my computer – I was going to go to work with the strength I knew the Lord would grant me because of my prayer. I even started praising Him for that strength AS I prayed for Him to grant it.
A little coffe, some Good Morning America, and a snuggle with my dog, and it was time to get dressed. Finally after walking the dog, I was out the door and on my way to work. Praise God! I stopped and dropped my rent check – no late fees for me! As I drove to Starbucks for a caramel macchiato and some oatmeal (I needed a comfort breakfast today), I realized my pain was actually subsiding!!! That NEVER happens that fast. Usually I have to sleep several hours just to escape the pain and wait for some sort of drug to kick in to relieve it.
Now, I’m still hurting. My hands and fingers are aching, my head is pounding, and if I allowed myself to get still long enough I could fall asleep in my chair. BUT I AM AT WORK!
As I was sipping coffee this morning, I read a couple of Psalms. I read Psalms 1 and 121. I’ve NEVER had a relationship with the Psalms. Sure, I know the 23rd, after having recited it, heard it seen it on plaques, etc., for as long as I have been alive. I know 121 is used a LOT and there is even a song based on it. It never talked to me the way it did this morning, though…to the point that while I was walking the dog, I was singing the part of the song that I knew.
“Psalm 121
1I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
2My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
3He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
4Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
5The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.
6The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
7The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
8The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.”
All I could do after I read this this morning was to pray and praise Him for always being right by me, protecting me and keeping me, even when I have not been aware of His presence. What a difference waking up praising and thanking the Lord has made!
Days like today and experiences like this are showing me the changes in my relationship to God – exactly what I prayed for and desired. It may be going slowly, but it is steady. And I have NOT been doing “my part” in this relationship for 20 years or so. I have made so few, little baby steps in the last few months, but for every one of those little baby steps I have made, there has been such a huge closing in the gap I have felt like I had placed between me and God by my past.
Amazing, though, that no matter what I did in the past, He has always been right here protecting and keeping me, shielding me from danger and damage both day and night. And PRAISE GOD that horrible guilt I have been feeling for the past has begun to lift and I feel so much “cleaner” than I did.
PRAISE THE LORD
I was just about to post something I just wrote, but this song is on my iTunes right now, and I LOVE the lyrics:
Praise The Lord
When you're up against a struggle
That shatters all your dreams
And your hope has been cruelly crushed
By Satan's manifesting scheme
And you feel the urge within you
To submit to earthly fears
Don't let the faith you're standing in, seem to disappear
(Chorus)
Praise the Lord
He can work with those who praise Him ,
Praise the Lord
For our God inhabits praise,
Praise the Lord
For the chains that seem to bind you
Serve only to remind you that they drop powerless behind you
When you praise him
Now satan is a liar
And he wants to make us think
That we are paupers
When he knows himself
We're children of the King
So lift up the might shield of faith
For the battle has been won
We know that Jesus Christ has risen
So the work's already done
(Repeat Chorus)
Praise The Lord
When you're up against a struggle
That shatters all your dreams
And your hope has been cruelly crushed
By Satan's manifesting scheme
And you feel the urge within you
To submit to earthly fears
Don't let the faith you're standing in, seem to disappear
(Chorus)
Praise the Lord
He can work with those who praise Him ,
Praise the Lord
For our God inhabits praise,
Praise the Lord
For the chains that seem to bind you
Serve only to remind you that they drop powerless behind you
When you praise him
Now satan is a liar
And he wants to make us think
That we are paupers
When he knows himself
We're children of the King
So lift up the might shield of faith
For the battle has been won
We know that Jesus Christ has risen
So the work's already done
(Repeat Chorus)
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Speaking to me
This song, right now, is really speaking to me. I listened to it probably 20 times on the way to and from Mom's house this weekend:
The Word
by Sara Groves
I've done every devotional, been every place emotional
trying to hear a new word from God, and I think it's very odd
That while I attempt to help myself my bible sits upon the shelf
With every promise I could ever need
The Word was the Word is and the Word will be
The Word was the Word is and the Word will be
People are getting fit for truth like they're buying a new tailored suit
Does it fit across the shoulders, will it fade when it gets older
We throw ideas that aren't in style in the Salvation Army pile
And search for something more to meet our needs
But the Word was the Word is and the Word will be
The Word was the Word is and the Word will be
I think it's time I rediscover all the ground that I have covered
Like 'seek ye first,' what a verse
We are pressed but not crushed, perplexed but don't despair
We are persecuted but never abandoned
We are no longer slaves, we are daughters and sons
And when we are weak, we are very strong
And neither death, nor life, nor present, nor future, nor depth, nor height
Can keep us from the love of Christ
And the Word I need is the word that was
Who put on flesh to dwell with us
In the beginning
The Word was the Word is and the Word will be
The Word was the Word is and the Word will be
This song is so what I want and need to get to right now. I remember times in my past I have prayed for a sign from God that so-and-so was going to happen or this-and-that was what I needed to do or pursue.
And yet in my hands, neglected and ignored by me, is the answer to EVERYTHING I need to know. I feel like such a baby in the Word because I have wasted so much time and not studied. I have spent so much time serving self and ego and lust and pride and so many other "self" type desires. I have been saved for so long, and yet I totally turned my back on God and the Word. The entire time I have known that I was to live under His rule and law. I was to commune and fellowship with God on a personal level -- I was to study His Word daily, praying and giving myself to Him for His will to be done.
I have felt that tug, that knowing I have not been living where I should be...where I am supposed to be.
And now I feel like I have so much ground to cover and time to catch up on. I feel almost like I am starting over. It is so frustrating. There is a joy in it and an excitement, because in a lot of ways, I feel that thrill a new Christian feels when they first are saved and fall completely in love with Christ.
I should be such a more mature Christian by now, though. It makes me angry at myself and frustrates me so much.
And yet I know what matters is that I am working to get back where I am supposed to be.
While I was driving to and from Mom's this weekend, I also allowed myself to feel a lot of the guilt I have been pushing deep down for so long. I have buried, covered, denied these feelings for so long.
What was wonderful, though, is that while I was driving down I-20, my tears falling like the rain around me, and as I allowed those feelings to come up and I prayed for God to show me how to do what I need to to ask His forgiveness, then let it go and forgive myself, a huge rainbow streaked across the sky.
A friend of mine who is such a strong Christian I almost feel envious of her relationship with God has told me that she has "dates" with God. I decided today that next weekend, I am going to do just that myself. I have wanted and needed to just spend time with God, reading His Word, communing with Him through prayer...just developing a relationship with Him again. This coming weekend is my time to do that.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
This country NEEDS PRAYER!
I'm a news junkie. I guess it's because of my job. I really enjoy reading the news highlights on Yahoo!, though.
Some of the stories are VERY disconcerting, though. Like this one. These are NOT the kinds of records we really want to be breaking.
US births break record; 40 pct out-of-wedlock
By MIKE STOBBE, AP Medical Writer – Thu Mar 19, 1:41 am ET
ATLANTA – Remember the baby boom? No, not the one after World War II. More babies were born in the United States in 2007 than any other year in the nation's history — and a wedding band made increasingly little difference in the matter. The 4,317,119 births, reported by federal researchers Wednesday, topped a record first set in 1957 at the height of the baby boom.
Behind the number is both good and bad news. While it shows the U.S. population is more than replacing itself, a healthy trend, the teen birth rate was up for a second year in a row.
The birth rate rose slightly for women of all ages, and births to unwed mothers reached an all-time high of about 40 percent, continuing a trend that started years ago. More than three-quarters of these women were 20 or older.
For a variety of reasons, it's become more acceptable for women to have babies without a husband, said Duke University's S. Philip Morgan, a leading fertility researcher.
Even happy couples may be living together without getting married, experts say. And more women — especially those in their 30s and 40s — are choosing to have children despite their single status.
The new numbers suggest the second year of a baby boomlet, with U.S. fertility rates higher in every racial group, the highest among Hispanic women. On average, a U.S. woman has 2.1 babies in her lifetime. That's the "magic number" required for a population to replace itself.
Countries with much lower rates — such as Japan and Italy — face future labor shortages and eroding tax bases as they fail to reproduce enough to take care of their aging elders.
While the number of births in the U.S. reached nearly 4.3 million in 2006, mainly due to a larger population, especially a growing number of Hispanics, it's not clear the boomlet will last. Some experts think birth rates are already declining because of the economic recession that began in late 2007.
"I expect they'll go back down. The lowest birth rates recorded in the United States occurred during the Great Depression — and that was before modern contraception," said Dr. Carol Hogue, an Emory University professor of maternal and child health.
The 2007 statistical snapshot reflected a relatively good economy coupled with cultural trends that promoted childbirth, she and others noted.
Meanwhile, U.S. abortions dropped to their lowest levels in decades, according to other reports. Some have attributed the abortion decline to better use of contraceptives, but other experts have wondered if the rise in births might indicate a failure in proper use of contraceptives. Some earlier studies have shown declining availability of abortions.
Cultural attitudes may be a more likely explanation. Morgan noted the pregnancy of Bristol Palin, the unmarried teen daughter of former GOP vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. The young woman had a baby boy in December, and plans for a wedding with the father, Levi Johnston, were scrapped.
"She's the poster child for what you do when you get pregnant now," Morgan said.
Teen women tend to follow what their older sisters do, so perhaps it's not surprising that teen births are going up just like births to older women, said Sarah Brown, the chief executive for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy.
Indeed, it's harder to understand why teen births had been declining for about 15 years before the recent uptick, she said. It may have been due to a concentrated effort to reduce teen births in the 1990s that has waned in recent years, she said.
The statistics are based on a review of most 2007 birth certificates by the National Center for Health Statistics, part of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The numbers also showed:
* Cesarean section deliveries continue to rise, now accounting for almost a third of all births. Health officials say that rate is much higher than is medically necessary. About 34 percent of births to black women were by C-section, more than any other racial group. But geographically, the percentages were highest in Puerto Rico, at 49 percent, and New Jersey, at 38 percent.
* The pre-term birth rate, for infants delivered at less than 37 weeks of pregnancy, declined slightly. It had been generally increasing since the early 1980s. Experts said they aren't sure why it went down.
* Among the states, Utah continued to have the highest birth rate and Vermont the lowest.
CDC officials noted that despite the record number of births, this increase is different from occurred in the 1950s, when a much smaller population of women were having nearly four children each, on average. That baby boom quickly transformed society, affecting everything from school construction to consumer culture.
Today, U.S. women are averaging 2.1 children each. That's the highest level since the early 1970s, but is a relatively small increase from the rate it had hovered at for more than 10 years and is hardly transforming.
"It's the tiniest of baby booms," said Morgan in agreement. "This is not an earthquake; it's a slight tremor."
___
On the Net:
The CDC report, including some state-by-state figures: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs
Read the entire story at Yahoo!
Some of the stories are VERY disconcerting, though. Like this one. These are NOT the kinds of records we really want to be breaking.
US births break record; 40 pct out-of-wedlock
By MIKE STOBBE, AP Medical Writer – Thu Mar 19, 1:41 am ET
ATLANTA – Remember the baby boom? No, not the one after World War II. More babies were born in the United States in 2007 than any other year in the nation's history — and a wedding band made increasingly little difference in the matter. The 4,317,119 births, reported by federal researchers Wednesday, topped a record first set in 1957 at the height of the baby boom.
Behind the number is both good and bad news. While it shows the U.S. population is more than replacing itself, a healthy trend, the teen birth rate was up for a second year in a row.
The birth rate rose slightly for women of all ages, and births to unwed mothers reached an all-time high of about 40 percent, continuing a trend that started years ago. More than three-quarters of these women were 20 or older.
For a variety of reasons, it's become more acceptable for women to have babies without a husband, said Duke University's S. Philip Morgan, a leading fertility researcher.
Even happy couples may be living together without getting married, experts say. And more women — especially those in their 30s and 40s — are choosing to have children despite their single status.
The new numbers suggest the second year of a baby boomlet, with U.S. fertility rates higher in every racial group, the highest among Hispanic women. On average, a U.S. woman has 2.1 babies in her lifetime. That's the "magic number" required for a population to replace itself.
Countries with much lower rates — such as Japan and Italy — face future labor shortages and eroding tax bases as they fail to reproduce enough to take care of their aging elders.
While the number of births in the U.S. reached nearly 4.3 million in 2006, mainly due to a larger population, especially a growing number of Hispanics, it's not clear the boomlet will last. Some experts think birth rates are already declining because of the economic recession that began in late 2007.
"I expect they'll go back down. The lowest birth rates recorded in the United States occurred during the Great Depression — and that was before modern contraception," said Dr. Carol Hogue, an Emory University professor of maternal and child health.
The 2007 statistical snapshot reflected a relatively good economy coupled with cultural trends that promoted childbirth, she and others noted.
Meanwhile, U.S. abortions dropped to their lowest levels in decades, according to other reports. Some have attributed the abortion decline to better use of contraceptives, but other experts have wondered if the rise in births might indicate a failure in proper use of contraceptives. Some earlier studies have shown declining availability of abortions.
Cultural attitudes may be a more likely explanation. Morgan noted the pregnancy of Bristol Palin, the unmarried teen daughter of former GOP vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. The young woman had a baby boy in December, and plans for a wedding with the father, Levi Johnston, were scrapped.
"She's the poster child for what you do when you get pregnant now," Morgan said.
Teen women tend to follow what their older sisters do, so perhaps it's not surprising that teen births are going up just like births to older women, said Sarah Brown, the chief executive for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy.
Indeed, it's harder to understand why teen births had been declining for about 15 years before the recent uptick, she said. It may have been due to a concentrated effort to reduce teen births in the 1990s that has waned in recent years, she said.
The statistics are based on a review of most 2007 birth certificates by the National Center for Health Statistics, part of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The numbers also showed:
* Cesarean section deliveries continue to rise, now accounting for almost a third of all births. Health officials say that rate is much higher than is medically necessary. About 34 percent of births to black women were by C-section, more than any other racial group. But geographically, the percentages were highest in Puerto Rico, at 49 percent, and New Jersey, at 38 percent.
* The pre-term birth rate, for infants delivered at less than 37 weeks of pregnancy, declined slightly. It had been generally increasing since the early 1980s. Experts said they aren't sure why it went down.
* Among the states, Utah continued to have the highest birth rate and Vermont the lowest.
CDC officials noted that despite the record number of births, this increase is different from occurred in the 1950s, when a much smaller population of women were having nearly four children each, on average. That baby boom quickly transformed society, affecting everything from school construction to consumer culture.
Today, U.S. women are averaging 2.1 children each. That's the highest level since the early 1970s, but is a relatively small increase from the rate it had hovered at for more than 10 years and is hardly transforming.
"It's the tiniest of baby booms," said Morgan in agreement. "This is not an earthquake; it's a slight tremor."
___
On the Net:
The CDC report, including some state-by-state figures: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs
Read the entire story at Yahoo!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Blog evolved
It's no big surprise to me that this went from my initial idea of basically doing my BSF lessons on this blog to a journal of my current journey.
Monday night was an awesome night for me at BSF. I didn't get ANY sleep at all Sunday night, and I have no reason as to why. Usually I can attribute sleeplessness to something -- worry, caffeine, too many naps. But Sunday night I was just UP for no reason it seemed.
Getting through the work day Monday wasn't too difficult. By the time 5 rolled around, I wasn't even considering NOT going to BSF, but I had kinda considered skipping the lecture after the discussion groups met. I am so glad I didnt.
I realized God kept me awake Sunday night for a reason. I needed to be tired Monday night so I could be vulnerable, to a point, to D's message.
I can't even remember what her words were specifically, but before groups, we sing a couple of hymns (two of my faves this week -- Worship His Majesty and Crown Him with Many Crowns), then D prays before we all break. Something in her prayer suddenly pricked that part of my heart that I have been avoiding this whole time -- the part of my heart that has KNOWN there are certain things that I have done over the last several years that I have to repent for. I HAVE to spend time in tears, on my knees, asking for God's forgiveness for these things. And like I child avoiding the pain of ripping off a band aid or letting mommy remove a splinter, I have avoided even thinking about these things.
There has been, on my part, a quick, "Oh and Lord forgive me for ..." sentiment on my part, but that sort of passing request doesn't do in my spirit what the lesson of staying close to God needs to do. (I feel like I'm babbling and not making sense here.)
Finally, like gently pricking a blister, her words opened up the wound of those times. I started crying, softly, but unable to stop the tears, as I asked the Lord's forgiveness. It was so wonderful for that process to begin. I wanted to stay there in the sanctuary in prayer, communing with the Lord and making those steps toward Him and toward healing.
I know that my sincere request of God to forgive me is enough for Him -- finally I have been deeply sincere for it. It hasn't been enough for my flawed flesh, though, and I know I will have to work to heal even more. (It amazes me that God can love me so much that He would send His Son to die for my sin, yet I can't love myself. And that He can be so forgiving as to throw my sins as far as the east from the west, but I can't forgive myself.)
@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@
One of the things I am learning through this study of Moses in BSF is that although God will forgive, there still can be punishment for sin. However, it's also never too late to turn around from sin.
The lesson this week was about Aaron's rod that budded and the Levites' complaining about the position Moses and Aaron held. It amazed me that despite the fact that God was merciful enough to some to tell them to move before He passed judgement on Korah and those with him, then provided such an awesome display of His judgement for their complaining and their questioning of Him (and their breaking of the laws set by Him when they brought their censers before Him)...after ALL of that -- the ground opening to swallow Korah, the 250 leaders with him, AND all of their households AND all of their possessions -- that the very next morning the Isrealites complained to Moses yet again.
And through it all, Moses had such a close relationship with God that he was able to give up thoughts of self and do all for the glory of the Lord.
I do have to admit that some of the descriptions struck me as funny, though -- Moses and Aaron sure fell to their faces a lot. All I could see in my mind's eye was them falling forward, stiff as boards, everytime those around them "acted up" and needed prayer. (Or as one of the women in BSF said, maybe they remembered what had happened in the past and were ducking God's wrath.)
Monday night was an awesome night for me at BSF. I didn't get ANY sleep at all Sunday night, and I have no reason as to why. Usually I can attribute sleeplessness to something -- worry, caffeine, too many naps. But Sunday night I was just UP for no reason it seemed.
Getting through the work day Monday wasn't too difficult. By the time 5 rolled around, I wasn't even considering NOT going to BSF, but I had kinda considered skipping the lecture after the discussion groups met. I am so glad I didnt.
I realized God kept me awake Sunday night for a reason. I needed to be tired Monday night so I could be vulnerable, to a point, to D's message.
I can't even remember what her words were specifically, but before groups, we sing a couple of hymns (two of my faves this week -- Worship His Majesty and Crown Him with Many Crowns), then D prays before we all break. Something in her prayer suddenly pricked that part of my heart that I have been avoiding this whole time -- the part of my heart that has KNOWN there are certain things that I have done over the last several years that I have to repent for. I HAVE to spend time in tears, on my knees, asking for God's forgiveness for these things. And like I child avoiding the pain of ripping off a band aid or letting mommy remove a splinter, I have avoided even thinking about these things.
There has been, on my part, a quick, "Oh and Lord forgive me for ..." sentiment on my part, but that sort of passing request doesn't do in my spirit what the lesson of staying close to God needs to do. (I feel like I'm babbling and not making sense here.)
Finally, like gently pricking a blister, her words opened up the wound of those times. I started crying, softly, but unable to stop the tears, as I asked the Lord's forgiveness. It was so wonderful for that process to begin. I wanted to stay there in the sanctuary in prayer, communing with the Lord and making those steps toward Him and toward healing.
I know that my sincere request of God to forgive me is enough for Him -- finally I have been deeply sincere for it. It hasn't been enough for my flawed flesh, though, and I know I will have to work to heal even more. (It amazes me that God can love me so much that He would send His Son to die for my sin, yet I can't love myself. And that He can be so forgiving as to throw my sins as far as the east from the west, but I can't forgive myself.)
@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@
One of the things I am learning through this study of Moses in BSF is that although God will forgive, there still can be punishment for sin. However, it's also never too late to turn around from sin.
The lesson this week was about Aaron's rod that budded and the Levites' complaining about the position Moses and Aaron held. It amazed me that despite the fact that God was merciful enough to some to tell them to move before He passed judgement on Korah and those with him, then provided such an awesome display of His judgement for their complaining and their questioning of Him (and their breaking of the laws set by Him when they brought their censers before Him)...after ALL of that -- the ground opening to swallow Korah, the 250 leaders with him, AND all of their households AND all of their possessions -- that the very next morning the Isrealites complained to Moses yet again.
And through it all, Moses had such a close relationship with God that he was able to give up thoughts of self and do all for the glory of the Lord.
I do have to admit that some of the descriptions struck me as funny, though -- Moses and Aaron sure fell to their faces a lot. All I could see in my mind's eye was them falling forward, stiff as boards, everytime those around them "acted up" and needed prayer. (Or as one of the women in BSF said, maybe they remembered what had happened in the past and were ducking God's wrath.)
Monday, March 9, 2009
Amazing
I had a couple of appointments Saturday -- one to get my hair cut and colored, the other to get my eyes checked. Well, I decided to make a day of it, since I needed to be out for those, and I hadn't had a day out like that in ages.
Got the hair cut, colored, made a swing by starbucks for use of their ladies room, a caramel macchiato and a bagel, then on to the eye doc. I had to fill out a form as a returning patient, and thanked the doc's receptionist (who is also her mom) for playing Christian music in the waiting area. I told her I appreciated it, that it made such a difference hearing that instead of pop or something, etc.
Well, when I got in for my exam, the doc asked me what church I went to, since she had overheard me talking with her mom. I told her I don't have a church home right now, but the Lord had really been pushing me to find one lately. Well she told me about her church and about the marrieds group she and her husband lead there.
The, she said that if I'd like to go to the Fort Worth campus of the church (she goes to the Dallas one) to just let her know, that she would go with me -- she said she would give me her card with her cell number on it.
When I walked out, she went out with me, grabbed a card, and on the back wrote "cell - ###-###-#### To go to church or for a girls' night out." I was stunned and so touched. I'm looking forward to meeting up with her for a coffee and a chat, at the least.
Another thing I noticed that I hadn't the last time I saw her, was a tiny, handwritten sign she had over her lightswitch. It said, "Stay Focused, Work Hard, Honor God."
It continues to amaze me constantly who God puts in our paths and what he does with our lives, once we put aside foolish pride and desire for self and ask Him to take over and lead us.
@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@
Last summer, a friend of mine at work who is also a Christian and also a crocheter told me about a project she was doing to crochet blankets for the elderly in nursing homes. I had heard of and thought of doing this before, but never did, so looked for places with her to volunteer. Well, the one I chose never worked out.
It had been on my heart lately to do SOMETHING with my crafty gifts God gave me to serve others, but what to do? I asked A. about the blanket idea, but my heart just didn't "feel" that project, as noble and wonderful as I think it is.
Lo and behold, I got an e-mail from one of the yarn companies I love, with a charity spotlight in it. They do them monthly but I SWEAR I had never seen one before that day. It was for a group who crochets and knits baby items to donate to hospitals to be given away to preemies and indigent people who don't really have anything for their babies. A neat project, but again it just wasn't *there* for me.
I followed the link in the email to look at more of the charity profiles. I found one that was started by a woman in Weatherford, just like 15 minutes from here. She has a support group for women who have lost a child. She said in her post someone had given her a prayer shawl when she lost her son, and it had been such a blessing for her -- she said when she was sad, she would wrap herself in her shawl and cry and feel like God had His arms around her. She said she was seeking a prayer shawl ministry to make shawls for the women in the group.
I was so touched and her post weighed on me so heavily. I prayed about it several times, asking God if that was where He wanted me to work. I emailed the lady who left the post and asked her if she was still seeking shawls. And Saturday on my day out, I went to Hobby Lobby and, before I even heard back from her, I bought a book about prayer shawl ministries, and I stood in front of the yarn and prayed that God would move me to the right one for my first shawl. (Sounds silly to pray for yarn, I know, but I also know that I'm not making this for me, and it's not even really being made BY me. It's for some poor woman who lost her baby, and I so want it to be a constant reminder to her that someone prays for her comfort, her healing, and her sake.
I didn't get the yarn I liked. I looked at several shades and textures of green. I was moved to one that has shades of dark blue, red, green and gold in it. It's very rich and bold.
This is, I hope and pray, just the first of many shawls I make for people who need the prayer and the comfort. I've even been thinking about trying to start a prayer shawl ministry. I'd love to be able to share this experience with other crafters -- and have that many more shawls to send to people.
On top of this, I was inspired by the post about the baby items to find a local group who makes chemo caps for kids -- or find a local hospital who would take donations of them. I think it would be such a blessing to make all sorts of cute, pretty, and even fun and silly hats for the little kids who've lost their hair to chemo.
Got the hair cut, colored, made a swing by starbucks for use of their ladies room, a caramel macchiato and a bagel, then on to the eye doc. I had to fill out a form as a returning patient, and thanked the doc's receptionist (who is also her mom) for playing Christian music in the waiting area. I told her I appreciated it, that it made such a difference hearing that instead of pop or something, etc.
Well, when I got in for my exam, the doc asked me what church I went to, since she had overheard me talking with her mom. I told her I don't have a church home right now, but the Lord had really been pushing me to find one lately. Well she told me about her church and about the marrieds group she and her husband lead there.
The, she said that if I'd like to go to the Fort Worth campus of the church (she goes to the Dallas one) to just let her know, that she would go with me -- she said she would give me her card with her cell number on it.
When I walked out, she went out with me, grabbed a card, and on the back wrote "cell - ###-###-#### To go to church or for a girls' night out." I was stunned and so touched. I'm looking forward to meeting up with her for a coffee and a chat, at the least.
Another thing I noticed that I hadn't the last time I saw her, was a tiny, handwritten sign she had over her lightswitch. It said, "Stay Focused, Work Hard, Honor God."
It continues to amaze me constantly who God puts in our paths and what he does with our lives, once we put aside foolish pride and desire for self and ask Him to take over and lead us.
@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@
Last summer, a friend of mine at work who is also a Christian and also a crocheter told me about a project she was doing to crochet blankets for the elderly in nursing homes. I had heard of and thought of doing this before, but never did, so looked for places with her to volunteer. Well, the one I chose never worked out.
It had been on my heart lately to do SOMETHING with my crafty gifts God gave me to serve others, but what to do? I asked A. about the blanket idea, but my heart just didn't "feel" that project, as noble and wonderful as I think it is.
Lo and behold, I got an e-mail from one of the yarn companies I love, with a charity spotlight in it. They do them monthly but I SWEAR I had never seen one before that day. It was for a group who crochets and knits baby items to donate to hospitals to be given away to preemies and indigent people who don't really have anything for their babies. A neat project, but again it just wasn't *there* for me.
I followed the link in the email to look at more of the charity profiles. I found one that was started by a woman in Weatherford, just like 15 minutes from here. She has a support group for women who have lost a child. She said in her post someone had given her a prayer shawl when she lost her son, and it had been such a blessing for her -- she said when she was sad, she would wrap herself in her shawl and cry and feel like God had His arms around her. She said she was seeking a prayer shawl ministry to make shawls for the women in the group.
I was so touched and her post weighed on me so heavily. I prayed about it several times, asking God if that was where He wanted me to work. I emailed the lady who left the post and asked her if she was still seeking shawls. And Saturday on my day out, I went to Hobby Lobby and, before I even heard back from her, I bought a book about prayer shawl ministries, and I stood in front of the yarn and prayed that God would move me to the right one for my first shawl. (Sounds silly to pray for yarn, I know, but I also know that I'm not making this for me, and it's not even really being made BY me. It's for some poor woman who lost her baby, and I so want it to be a constant reminder to her that someone prays for her comfort, her healing, and her sake.
I didn't get the yarn I liked. I looked at several shades and textures of green. I was moved to one that has shades of dark blue, red, green and gold in it. It's very rich and bold.
This is, I hope and pray, just the first of many shawls I make for people who need the prayer and the comfort. I've even been thinking about trying to start a prayer shawl ministry. I'd love to be able to share this experience with other crafters -- and have that many more shawls to send to people.
On top of this, I was inspired by the post about the baby items to find a local group who makes chemo caps for kids -- or find a local hospital who would take donations of them. I think it would be such a blessing to make all sorts of cute, pretty, and even fun and silly hats for the little kids who've lost their hair to chemo.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Make a JOYFUL noise
The last few times I have gone to BSF, I have been so blessed by the songs before the discussion groups and the lecture. We gather in the sanctuary of the church where our group meets, and before we break into discussion groups, we sing two hymns. Then when we return to the sanctuary for the lecture, we sing another.
I cannot describe how beautiful it is to hear 400 women sing "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" together.
I was telling my mom last night, while driving home from BSF, that I am so thankful for the group and feel so blessed by it. For the first time in a LONG time, there is something I do on a regular basis that I actually look forward to doing, rather than dreading having to get up and go. I long for my time there, sharing answers to the lesson in group then hearing Debbie's lecture each week. She has truly been chosen by God to lead this group of women -- there is something in her lectures every week that speaks directly to me, as if she knew I needed to hear that particular message on that particular night.
I have found, in the last few weeks, that in quiet times, like when I get up from bed to go to the ladies room, or while I am sitting here at my desk doing something like organizing -- anything where my brain doesn't have to concentrate on the task at hand and can wander -- I "hear" Christian songs, whether worship or hymns, in my head. I have always had music in my mind during those times. It's just that now, it is very VERY rarely not Christian music of some sort. And when I find myself singing some inane pop tune I heard on TV or something, I quickly find something to replace it -- "God is in Control" and "Sing your praise to the Lord" are two of my favorites.
In our phone call last night, I told mom about a very weird, disturbing, yet unsuprising commercial I saw the other day during the early morning news. It was for a Web site called wakeupdallas.org. It's for a film showing explain the coming of Maitreya -- the person the site claims is the return of Christ. It is a very stark concept, if what the site claims does happen, because the "person" it claims is the embodiment of God came to earth in July 1977. This "person" will be 33 next year.
The description of this of course led us to a discussion of things "end times" we're seeing. (Here is wheer I shamefacedly show my ignorance of the Word.) I told mom I didn't know where it was, but that didn't the Bible say that in the end times, more and more of His children would come to Him? I told her to take me for an example. It has been so many years since I have diligently, consistently done what I know God wants me to do in terms of fostering my relationship with Him. I have allowed myself to live under the conception that "it's alright -- I'm generally a *good* person."
The thing is is that I know that that is not right. It's not enough to be a good person. It's my duty as one of His children to be a modern disciple and be a living, breathing example of His grace, and what it can do for and to a person. I'm supposed to not only tell others about the Gospel and witness to them, but I'm supposed to live a life that shows EVRYONE who comes in contact with me what it means to be God's child.
And in my personal relationship with God, I am supposed to spend time with Him daily, praying and studying His Word, and asking for His will and guidance in my life. AND THEN I am supposed to have the faith in Him that He's got it all under control. It's not mine to worry about any more. I'm just to do what I know I am supposed to do, and He's got the rest under control. The bills, the rent, friendships, the job, family, my health, whatever may come to me or happen to me in the future -- it's all right there in the palm of His hand.
I cannot describe how beautiful it is to hear 400 women sing "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" together.
I was telling my mom last night, while driving home from BSF, that I am so thankful for the group and feel so blessed by it. For the first time in a LONG time, there is something I do on a regular basis that I actually look forward to doing, rather than dreading having to get up and go. I long for my time there, sharing answers to the lesson in group then hearing Debbie's lecture each week. She has truly been chosen by God to lead this group of women -- there is something in her lectures every week that speaks directly to me, as if she knew I needed to hear that particular message on that particular night.
I have found, in the last few weeks, that in quiet times, like when I get up from bed to go to the ladies room, or while I am sitting here at my desk doing something like organizing -- anything where my brain doesn't have to concentrate on the task at hand and can wander -- I "hear" Christian songs, whether worship or hymns, in my head. I have always had music in my mind during those times. It's just that now, it is very VERY rarely not Christian music of some sort. And when I find myself singing some inane pop tune I heard on TV or something, I quickly find something to replace it -- "God is in Control" and "Sing your praise to the Lord" are two of my favorites.
In our phone call last night, I told mom about a very weird, disturbing, yet unsuprising commercial I saw the other day during the early morning news. It was for a Web site called wakeupdallas.org. It's for a film showing explain the coming of Maitreya -- the person the site claims is the return of Christ. It is a very stark concept, if what the site claims does happen, because the "person" it claims is the embodiment of God came to earth in July 1977. This "person" will be 33 next year.
The description of this of course led us to a discussion of things "end times" we're seeing. (Here is wheer I shamefacedly show my ignorance of the Word.) I told mom I didn't know where it was, but that didn't the Bible say that in the end times, more and more of His children would come to Him? I told her to take me for an example. It has been so many years since I have diligently, consistently done what I know God wants me to do in terms of fostering my relationship with Him. I have allowed myself to live under the conception that "it's alright -- I'm generally a *good* person."
The thing is is that I know that that is not right. It's not enough to be a good person. It's my duty as one of His children to be a modern disciple and be a living, breathing example of His grace, and what it can do for and to a person. I'm supposed to not only tell others about the Gospel and witness to them, but I'm supposed to live a life that shows EVRYONE who comes in contact with me what it means to be God's child.
And in my personal relationship with God, I am supposed to spend time with Him daily, praying and studying His Word, and asking for His will and guidance in my life. AND THEN I am supposed to have the faith in Him that He's got it all under control. It's not mine to worry about any more. I'm just to do what I know I am supposed to do, and He's got the rest under control. The bills, the rent, friendships, the job, family, my health, whatever may come to me or happen to me in the future -- it's all right there in the palm of His hand.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
I Surrender All
I heard this Clay Crosse song on the way home yesterday -- one I used to love and had forgotten about:
I Surrender All
lyrics David Moffit and Reggie Hamm
I have wrestled in the darkness of this lonely pilgrim land
Raising strong and mighty fortresses that I alone command
But these castles I've constructed by the strength of my own hand
Are just temporary kingdoms on foundations made of sand
In the middle of the battle I believe I've finally found
I'll never know the thrill of victory 'til I'm willing to lay down
All my weapons of defense and earthly strategies of war
So I'm laying down my arms and running helplessly to Yours
Chorus:
I surrender all my silent hopes and dreams
Though the price to follow costs me everything
I surrender all my human soul desires
If sacrifice requires
That all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all
If the source of my ambition is the treasure I obtain
If I measure my successes on a scale of earthly gain
If the focus of my vision is the status I attain
My accomplishments are worthless and my efforts are in vain
So I lay aside these trophies to pursue a higher crown
And should You choose somehow to use the life I willingly lay down
I surrender all the triumph for it's only by Your grace
I relinquish all the glory, I surrender all the praise
Bridge:
Everything I am, all I've done, and all I've known
Now belongs to You, the life I live is not my own
Just as Abraham laid Isaac on the sacrificial fire
If all I have is all that You desire
I surrender all
Amazing how God can even speak to you through the radio.
And of course, I have always loved the old hymn of the same name:
All to Jesus I surrender;
all to him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust him,
in his presence daily live.
Refrain:
I surrender all,
I surrender all,
all to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
All to Jesus I surrender;
humbly at his feet I bow,
worldly pleasures all forsaken;
take me, Jesus, take me now.
(Refrain)
All to Jesus I surrender;
make me, Savior, wholly thine;
fill me with thy love and power;
truly know that thou art mine.
(Refrain)
All to Jesus I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to thee;
fill me with thy love and power;
let thy blessing fall on me.
(Refrain)
All to Jesus I surrender;
now I feel the sacred flame.
O the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to his name!
(Refrain)
And from His Word:
"1I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.
2And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
3For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith."
Romans 12: 1-2
I Surrender All
lyrics David Moffit and Reggie Hamm
I have wrestled in the darkness of this lonely pilgrim land
Raising strong and mighty fortresses that I alone command
But these castles I've constructed by the strength of my own hand
Are just temporary kingdoms on foundations made of sand
In the middle of the battle I believe I've finally found
I'll never know the thrill of victory 'til I'm willing to lay down
All my weapons of defense and earthly strategies of war
So I'm laying down my arms and running helplessly to Yours
Chorus:
I surrender all my silent hopes and dreams
Though the price to follow costs me everything
I surrender all my human soul desires
If sacrifice requires
That all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all
If the source of my ambition is the treasure I obtain
If I measure my successes on a scale of earthly gain
If the focus of my vision is the status I attain
My accomplishments are worthless and my efforts are in vain
So I lay aside these trophies to pursue a higher crown
And should You choose somehow to use the life I willingly lay down
I surrender all the triumph for it's only by Your grace
I relinquish all the glory, I surrender all the praise
Bridge:
Everything I am, all I've done, and all I've known
Now belongs to You, the life I live is not my own
Just as Abraham laid Isaac on the sacrificial fire
If all I have is all that You desire
I surrender all
Amazing how God can even speak to you through the radio.
And of course, I have always loved the old hymn of the same name:
All to Jesus I surrender;
all to him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust him,
in his presence daily live.
Refrain:
I surrender all,
I surrender all,
all to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
All to Jesus I surrender;
humbly at his feet I bow,
worldly pleasures all forsaken;
take me, Jesus, take me now.
(Refrain)
All to Jesus I surrender;
make me, Savior, wholly thine;
fill me with thy love and power;
truly know that thou art mine.
(Refrain)
All to Jesus I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to thee;
fill me with thy love and power;
let thy blessing fall on me.
(Refrain)
All to Jesus I surrender;
now I feel the sacred flame.
O the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to his name!
(Refrain)
And from His Word:
"1I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.
2And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
3For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith."
Romans 12: 1-2
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Ahh! I need my structure!
A root canal gone horribly awry kept me from BSF on Monday night. So now I don't have my weekly lesson to go by for my morning "time with God."
*This* is exactly why I joined BSF -- so that each day I would have a structured passage to read, followed by questions to answer. No guesswork on my part. It's right there in black and white for me.
I know that on mornings like I will have this week, I could fire up my old computer and find some sort of a lesson online that I could do. The problem is that the minute the computer turns on, the brain turns off, and I know I would get stuck either checking the news (and how depressing it is these days), writing and reading e-mails (read: junking the hundreds of spams I get a day), or just generally goofing off (I love pogo.com).
So today one of my goals is to find some very quick devotionals or lessons online that I can print off and just have on-hand for those times when I don't have my BSF lesson.
@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@
This weekend I had a realization that I hadn't really considered in a long time. I was thinking about this time in my life, how God continues to pull me closer to Him as I pray for Him to, and a quiet curiosity about what might be next in my service of the Lord. There was a time, many years ago, when I felt a "call" to enter the ministry. Now, I don't feel women should lead churches, and I never, ever even half considered that that's what that call meant for me.
I put that experience out of my mind for a long time, ignoring and avoiding it because of other things going on in my life (you can't be in the throes of a time of backsliding and face something like God tapping you on the shoulder and saying "I have something I want you to do."). I never knew then what it was He was calling me to do -- and I still don't know. I have been thinking about that moment, though, when I felt that call and professed it in front of a congregation a friend of mine was a member of.
Now that I have felt this yearning to be closer to God and serve Him completely -- and I'm actually DOING my part of that and not going, "Ok, God, use me," then sitting there twiddling my thumbs -- I have felt a very small, slow flicker of that calling deep inside. I know, though (and here, finally is the realization I reached this weekend), that there is no way I can do anything with that call, really, until I fall to my knees and totally rededicate myself to the Lord.
There is a huge difference, I think, between asking God to foster the desire in me to be closer to Him and grow a relationship with Him, and turning to Him in complete humbleness, confessing every sin by name, asking for forgiveness, and entering into a covenant with Him, vowing to turn from sin and toward him.
I'm still working on it -- as my counselor says, "baby steps."
This is something I *WANT* though...and I don't want to baby step from my old, sinful ways and baby step toward God. I want to fling down all of the past and run screaming and tearful to the Lord, laying myself and all that I am on His alter. What makes me halt, though? Is it the comfort of the old? The fear of the unknown?
*This* is exactly why I joined BSF -- so that each day I would have a structured passage to read, followed by questions to answer. No guesswork on my part. It's right there in black and white for me.
I know that on mornings like I will have this week, I could fire up my old computer and find some sort of a lesson online that I could do. The problem is that the minute the computer turns on, the brain turns off, and I know I would get stuck either checking the news (and how depressing it is these days), writing and reading e-mails (read: junking the hundreds of spams I get a day), or just generally goofing off (I love pogo.com).
So today one of my goals is to find some very quick devotionals or lessons online that I can print off and just have on-hand for those times when I don't have my BSF lesson.
@>~~>~~ New Subject ~~<~~<@
This weekend I had a realization that I hadn't really considered in a long time. I was thinking about this time in my life, how God continues to pull me closer to Him as I pray for Him to, and a quiet curiosity about what might be next in my service of the Lord. There was a time, many years ago, when I felt a "call" to enter the ministry. Now, I don't feel women should lead churches, and I never, ever even half considered that that's what that call meant for me.
I put that experience out of my mind for a long time, ignoring and avoiding it because of other things going on in my life (you can't be in the throes of a time of backsliding and face something like God tapping you on the shoulder and saying "I have something I want you to do."). I never knew then what it was He was calling me to do -- and I still don't know. I have been thinking about that moment, though, when I felt that call and professed it in front of a congregation a friend of mine was a member of.
Now that I have felt this yearning to be closer to God and serve Him completely -- and I'm actually DOING my part of that and not going, "Ok, God, use me," then sitting there twiddling my thumbs -- I have felt a very small, slow flicker of that calling deep inside. I know, though (and here, finally is the realization I reached this weekend), that there is no way I can do anything with that call, really, until I fall to my knees and totally rededicate myself to the Lord.
There is a huge difference, I think, between asking God to foster the desire in me to be closer to Him and grow a relationship with Him, and turning to Him in complete humbleness, confessing every sin by name, asking for forgiveness, and entering into a covenant with Him, vowing to turn from sin and toward him.
I'm still working on it -- as my counselor says, "baby steps."
This is something I *WANT* though...and I don't want to baby step from my old, sinful ways and baby step toward God. I want to fling down all of the past and run screaming and tearful to the Lord, laying myself and all that I am on His alter. What makes me halt, though? Is it the comfort of the old? The fear of the unknown?
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Which version to use?
I've had an internal debate going on since I started BSF, and it's really bothering me.
The BSF lessons are written for use with the New International Version (NIV) of the Bible. I have always used and been told that the King James Version (KJV) is THE version to use.
Well, I have looked at different versions of the Bible, and while the language is different, in general the meaning is pretty well the same in most of what I have looked at. One of the funniest instances and what prompted me to start wondering about this was in one of my BSF lessons. It asked for us to write a description of various things we had studied -- the tabernacle, the ark of the covenant, etc. One of the things was the atonement cover.
Well, while I freely admit that I have been very neglectful of studying the Word, I also am blessed to have grown up in a church that covered a LOT of the Bible quite thouroughly. I had never heard of the atonement cover, though. I searched through the verses of the day's lesson trying to find mention of the atonement cover. Nothing. I read back to previous scripture, when the tabernacle was first described. Again, nothing.
Hmmm. So, I pulled out my laptop, hooked into the 'net, and went to biblegateway.com. I looked up the passage in the KJV, then converted it to the NIV version. Sure enough, there it was -- atonement cover. In my version it was the mercy seat.
That day I ordered a parallel KJV/NIV copy of the Bible.
I asked my mom this weekend her opinion of using a version of the Bible other than KJV. She said that she knows the Bible says to not change the Word -- that's why we shouldn't use a version that mis-translates what the Bible says in its meaning.
But the KJV is a translation of the Bible, too. How do we know it is THE correct translation? And if using only KJV for my daily lessons hinders me from grasping all of what the lesson teaches because of differences in language, how is that a good thing?
I love my KJV -- I adore the beauty of the language and the meaning behind the words, of course. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have noticed, though, that the NIV is much more ... hmmm ... modern in its word choice. It makes for a much quicker read with higher retention.
So now I have this internal debate -- which version should I use? If I use only KJV, there are some problems with names, as in the example above. If I use only NIV, I have this weird I'm-gonna-be-struck-down-for-reading-this feeling.
The BSF lessons are written for use with the New International Version (NIV) of the Bible. I have always used and been told that the King James Version (KJV) is THE version to use.
Well, I have looked at different versions of the Bible, and while the language is different, in general the meaning is pretty well the same in most of what I have looked at. One of the funniest instances and what prompted me to start wondering about this was in one of my BSF lessons. It asked for us to write a description of various things we had studied -- the tabernacle, the ark of the covenant, etc. One of the things was the atonement cover.
Well, while I freely admit that I have been very neglectful of studying the Word, I also am blessed to have grown up in a church that covered a LOT of the Bible quite thouroughly. I had never heard of the atonement cover, though. I searched through the verses of the day's lesson trying to find mention of the atonement cover. Nothing. I read back to previous scripture, when the tabernacle was first described. Again, nothing.
Hmmm. So, I pulled out my laptop, hooked into the 'net, and went to biblegateway.com. I looked up the passage in the KJV, then converted it to the NIV version. Sure enough, there it was -- atonement cover. In my version it was the mercy seat.
That day I ordered a parallel KJV/NIV copy of the Bible.
I asked my mom this weekend her opinion of using a version of the Bible other than KJV. She said that she knows the Bible says to not change the Word -- that's why we shouldn't use a version that mis-translates what the Bible says in its meaning.
But the KJV is a translation of the Bible, too. How do we know it is THE correct translation? And if using only KJV for my daily lessons hinders me from grasping all of what the lesson teaches because of differences in language, how is that a good thing?
I love my KJV -- I adore the beauty of the language and the meaning behind the words, of course. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have noticed, though, that the NIV is much more ... hmmm ... modern in its word choice. It makes for a much quicker read with higher retention.
So now I have this internal debate -- which version should I use? If I use only KJV, there are some problems with names, as in the example above. If I use only NIV, I have this weird I'm-gonna-be-struck-down-for-reading-this feeling.
The power of a few words
Things have been so hectic lately. Work has been busy, I traveled over the weekend, my Bible studies start my day off, but they do take time. It seems like from the time I get up until I walk through the door in the evening, all I do is run. By the time I get home, between the fibromyalgia and anemia, I'm pretty well exhausted. Generally in the evenings I just sit and watch TV, cuddle my dog and play around on my computer.
This kind of schedule leaves me neglecting things I need to do, though, like clean the kitchen as thouroughly as I should or do laundry *before* I run out of undies (what a concept!). Sometimes when I leave home in the morning, I feel guilty for leaving things a mess. Guilt leads to me beating myself up a bit in my head as I drive to work. It's not too bad, but still -- any negative self talk is going to have an effect.
This morning was one of those mornings -- I fell asleep in my chair while watching Good Morning America, so I had to rush to get dressed. I walked the dog, then tucked her in before I left. As usual, the kitchen was one of my last stops before I went out the door -- and ugh, those dirty dishes from last night sure didn't wash themselves while I slept.
I try to pray and listen to Christian music/preaching on my way to work. This morning, though, the station I have been listening to had an emergency fundraiser, for today only, to help them raise the mortgage payment for the station. Well, it's really hard for me to say no when I hear an ask for money for a good cause, but I am flat broke right now. I had to turn the station without being able to give.
Finally, after battling the sun in my eyes all the way up Camp Bowie, causing the beginnings of a headache, I got to Mickey D's for one of the bacon, egg and cheese biscuits I have come to really enjoy for breakfast. The girl who took my order and money was one I have encountered there several times. She is super sweet, always calls me "young lady" or "sweetie" and always has a smile on her face. (I can't say I would have the same cheerful demeanor if I had to stand for an 8-hour shift shilling fast food.)
This morning, her words were few as I drove away, but they had the biggest impact all of her past niceness combined has had: "Have a blessed day."
Her words made me smile, and I could feel that familiar spread of love and comfort. She may not have meant the words the way I took them -- who knows if she is a Christian or not -- and she may have even said them mechanically, the same words to everyone she saw (although I doubt that). Her words blessed me, though. I prayed a short prayer of praise as I drove away, and asked blessings on her.
It amazes me how large an impact four one-syllable words can have on a person's day -- maybe even their life. I have always wanted to be the person to wish another a blessed day. I have always been shy to for some reason, though. I have recently told some people that I have prayed for them, if I think knowing that may bring them some sense of hope, peace or comfort. Actually wishing someone a blessed day, though, I haven't really done that. I should. I will.
Have a blessed day.
This kind of schedule leaves me neglecting things I need to do, though, like clean the kitchen as thouroughly as I should or do laundry *before* I run out of undies (what a concept!). Sometimes when I leave home in the morning, I feel guilty for leaving things a mess. Guilt leads to me beating myself up a bit in my head as I drive to work. It's not too bad, but still -- any negative self talk is going to have an effect.
This morning was one of those mornings -- I fell asleep in my chair while watching Good Morning America, so I had to rush to get dressed. I walked the dog, then tucked her in before I left. As usual, the kitchen was one of my last stops before I went out the door -- and ugh, those dirty dishes from last night sure didn't wash themselves while I slept.
I try to pray and listen to Christian music/preaching on my way to work. This morning, though, the station I have been listening to had an emergency fundraiser, for today only, to help them raise the mortgage payment for the station. Well, it's really hard for me to say no when I hear an ask for money for a good cause, but I am flat broke right now. I had to turn the station without being able to give.
Finally, after battling the sun in my eyes all the way up Camp Bowie, causing the beginnings of a headache, I got to Mickey D's for one of the bacon, egg and cheese biscuits I have come to really enjoy for breakfast. The girl who took my order and money was one I have encountered there several times. She is super sweet, always calls me "young lady" or "sweetie" and always has a smile on her face. (I can't say I would have the same cheerful demeanor if I had to stand for an 8-hour shift shilling fast food.)
This morning, her words were few as I drove away, but they had the biggest impact all of her past niceness combined has had: "Have a blessed day."
Her words made me smile, and I could feel that familiar spread of love and comfort. She may not have meant the words the way I took them -- who knows if she is a Christian or not -- and she may have even said them mechanically, the same words to everyone she saw (although I doubt that). Her words blessed me, though. I prayed a short prayer of praise as I drove away, and asked blessings on her.
It amazes me how large an impact four one-syllable words can have on a person's day -- maybe even their life. I have always wanted to be the person to wish another a blessed day. I have always been shy to for some reason, though. I have recently told some people that I have prayed for them, if I think knowing that may bring them some sense of hope, peace or comfort. Actually wishing someone a blessed day, though, I haven't really done that. I should. I will.
Have a blessed day.
Monday, February 2, 2009
What a week!
Mostly it has been totally my fault that I haven't posted an entry in a while. I've gotten into the habit of doing my Bible study in the mornings before work (yay!), so that gets my day off to a really great start. This past week, though, I wasn't able to do any additional Bible study at lunchtime, which is what I would like to do. We closed early Tuesday and were closed all day Wednesday. Of course that meant everyone had to work doubletime Thursday and Friday to catch up.
Saturday was a house hunting day for me. I feel very confused and lost about this whole process. I keep reminding myself to undertake it PRAYERFULLY. I'm working on it. I have not been a pray-er for a while -- not in the sense where every step, I ask God's guidance. It takes getting used to. It's one of the things I pray for, though.
Speaking of prayer, my brother has been the subject of MANY people's prayers for a long time. He's currently in jail -- again -- for a stupid, childish act on his part. He seems to be learning this time, though. He completed a Bible study through the Salvation Army, and my mom told me he has asked her questions about the Bible in both his letters and phone calls. He has told her he wants to be baptized when he gets out -- we're not sure yet when that will be. I've been praying that this is the "real deal" for him, and not just either one of his ruses or one of those emotional things people sometimes have. We shall see. I have been trying to keep in closer contact with him, though, since the new year began.
I've also been praying for an Internet friend of mine. She is a super sweet girl, but she has been "angry" at God since her best friend was killed by a drunk driver about 14 years ago. I very openly tell her that I attend Bible study classes, that I pray, and that I have prayed for her. She has even said to me, "Sometime I may want to talk to you about that religion stuff." Last night she sent me a link to a YouTube video of a new version of Footprints in the Sand. She said she loves the song, but said it is sad. Last night I prayed the Lord would let that song be the catalyst for those conversations about "religion" to start between us. I have been mentally composing an email to her to explain that the song (and original poem) aren't sad at all, but are rather a message of joy, happiness, relief and comfort. Imagine having someone to CARRY you through the hard times in your life! And I am so unworthy of that kind of privledge, but He gives it to me anyway.
Tonight is BSF again. I didn't do my lessons on Saturday and Sunday, but I did them both this morning before work. I have to move into the mentality that just because it's a day off from work, I do not get a day off from Bible lessons. It is wonderful, though, that all day on both those days, I had that weird feeling that something was missing. I'm glad -- that's what I wanted.
Hopefully I can start doing some studying and blog posts during my lunchtimes again, now that some super serious and pressing things are taken care of at work. I also want to move beyond doing *just* my BSF lessons.
Saturday was a house hunting day for me. I feel very confused and lost about this whole process. I keep reminding myself to undertake it PRAYERFULLY. I'm working on it. I have not been a pray-er for a while -- not in the sense where every step, I ask God's guidance. It takes getting used to. It's one of the things I pray for, though.
Speaking of prayer, my brother has been the subject of MANY people's prayers for a long time. He's currently in jail -- again -- for a stupid, childish act on his part. He seems to be learning this time, though. He completed a Bible study through the Salvation Army, and my mom told me he has asked her questions about the Bible in both his letters and phone calls. He has told her he wants to be baptized when he gets out -- we're not sure yet when that will be. I've been praying that this is the "real deal" for him, and not just either one of his ruses or one of those emotional things people sometimes have. We shall see. I have been trying to keep in closer contact with him, though, since the new year began.
I've also been praying for an Internet friend of mine. She is a super sweet girl, but she has been "angry" at God since her best friend was killed by a drunk driver about 14 years ago. I very openly tell her that I attend Bible study classes, that I pray, and that I have prayed for her. She has even said to me, "Sometime I may want to talk to you about that religion stuff." Last night she sent me a link to a YouTube video of a new version of Footprints in the Sand. She said she loves the song, but said it is sad. Last night I prayed the Lord would let that song be the catalyst for those conversations about "religion" to start between us. I have been mentally composing an email to her to explain that the song (and original poem) aren't sad at all, but are rather a message of joy, happiness, relief and comfort. Imagine having someone to CARRY you through the hard times in your life! And I am so unworthy of that kind of privledge, but He gives it to me anyway.
Tonight is BSF again. I didn't do my lessons on Saturday and Sunday, but I did them both this morning before work. I have to move into the mentality that just because it's a day off from work, I do not get a day off from Bible lessons. It is wonderful, though, that all day on both those days, I had that weird feeling that something was missing. I'm glad -- that's what I wanted.
Hopefully I can start doing some studying and blog posts during my lunchtimes again, now that some super serious and pressing things are taken care of at work. I also want to move beyond doing *just* my BSF lessons.
Monday, January 26, 2009
On study and prayer
Tonight is the second night I will attend BSF meetings,a nd I'm really looking forward to it. I am so happy that I was able to get out of bed early every weekday last week, spend time with God in study and prayer, then get dressed fro work. It made SUCH a difference in the environment I am in at work as well as for my own sense of well-being.
One of my biggest prayers for myself right now is in regards to my boss. I'm going through a very stressful time at work right now with a boss who is, it seems, "out to get me." She has in the past neglected things that would be beneficial to my standing here and in my career overall, and she has completely misrepresented my work and work habits to others. Since this has begun -- for about 18 months now -- I have grown more angry and bitter toward her. I had gotten to a place where just the sound of her voice or laugh caused me to roll my eyes and do that thing kids do when they silently mimic their parents with an awful look on their face. Just knowing she was about to walk past my door or when I saw an e-mail from her pop on my screen made me cringe and become defensive, just waiting for the next attack.
Well, last week I prayed every night before I fell asleep -- and rather than have nights where I toss and turn, stressed with my mind occupied about the next day at work, I slept like a baby. Thursday, though, was a particulary stressful day for me, and I saw those actions toward my boss in myself throughout the day. This woman causes me a LOT of stress -- and so Thursday night I prayed for my working relationship with her. I prayed that whatever it was that caused her to be so critical of me and a poor representative of me in the workplace, that God would take it over. I also prayed that each and every time I found myself feeling anger or bitterness toward her, or frustration with her, that God would help me to remember to pray for her. Not for me -- FOR HER. Wanna talk about a mountain to climb?
Well, the next day when she arrived to work, she breezed past my door as she does every morning -- no hello or anything. Then she stopped, came back, peeked her head around the doorframe and said good morning. My eyes were like saucers. Today, she actually couched a request to change something in the form of a compliment!
Ok, things are still tense, and I am still on guard concerning her. And I found myself getting that knotted-up feeling in my stomach when I heard her come in and speak to someone. (And yes, I prayed about it.) Things are so much better though -- already.
And as for my study time -- my hunger only grows as I study more and more. I was faithful to do each of my 6 BSF lessons this week, one each day, and I have found myself seeking new avenues of study in addition to those lessons.
One of my biggest prayers for myself right now is in regards to my boss. I'm going through a very stressful time at work right now with a boss who is, it seems, "out to get me." She has in the past neglected things that would be beneficial to my standing here and in my career overall, and she has completely misrepresented my work and work habits to others. Since this has begun -- for about 18 months now -- I have grown more angry and bitter toward her. I had gotten to a place where just the sound of her voice or laugh caused me to roll my eyes and do that thing kids do when they silently mimic their parents with an awful look on their face. Just knowing she was about to walk past my door or when I saw an e-mail from her pop on my screen made me cringe and become defensive, just waiting for the next attack.
Well, last week I prayed every night before I fell asleep -- and rather than have nights where I toss and turn, stressed with my mind occupied about the next day at work, I slept like a baby. Thursday, though, was a particulary stressful day for me, and I saw those actions toward my boss in myself throughout the day. This woman causes me a LOT of stress -- and so Thursday night I prayed for my working relationship with her. I prayed that whatever it was that caused her to be so critical of me and a poor representative of me in the workplace, that God would take it over. I also prayed that each and every time I found myself feeling anger or bitterness toward her, or frustration with her, that God would help me to remember to pray for her. Not for me -- FOR HER. Wanna talk about a mountain to climb?
Well, the next day when she arrived to work, she breezed past my door as she does every morning -- no hello or anything. Then she stopped, came back, peeked her head around the doorframe and said good morning. My eyes were like saucers. Today, she actually couched a request to change something in the form of a compliment!
Ok, things are still tense, and I am still on guard concerning her. And I found myself getting that knotted-up feeling in my stomach when I heard her come in and speak to someone. (And yes, I prayed about it.) Things are so much better though -- already.
And as for my study time -- my hunger only grows as I study more and more. I was faithful to do each of my 6 BSF lessons this week, one each day, and I have found myself seeking new avenues of study in addition to those lessons.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Reading time
I've already come to cherish my study time very much. Again this morning I was able to get out of bed and ready for work in time to spend time with the Lord, praying and studying His Word. I've come to crave those times even more, so today at lunch, rather than take time to write here, I read the "Day 2" of a 30 day challenge I am doing on reviveourhearts.com (thank you Meeka and Shelby for the suggestion!)
I plan to, once I get deeper into it, keeping some "notes" in another blog about it -- more or less like keeping separate notebooks for different studies.
And so, in this very short post, I will just state I did the questions on Leviticus 9 this morning, read the passage for tomorrow (Lev. 10:1-7), and even read Proverbs 31.
Notes to come soon...probably this weekend when I spend some time trying to get organized.
I plan to, once I get deeper into it, keeping some "notes" in another blog about it -- more or less like keeping separate notebooks for different studies.
And so, in this very short post, I will just state I did the questions on Leviticus 9 this morning, read the passage for tomorrow (Lev. 10:1-7), and even read Proverbs 31.
Notes to come soon...probably this weekend when I spend some time trying to get organized.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Skipping around
I'm actually skipping the rest of Monday night's lesson in order to post what was on my heart yesterday to post about D's words Monday night, but I got off on a tangent with how awesome the meaning of the Levite sacrifices are to me.
When D said that Leviticus was written for anyone who was broken or in pain, it was as if God put His hand on my shoulder and whispered in my ear, "See, you asked to be put in the right place, and I have done that for you."
I've started counseling to work on my depression and to also learn how to deal with anxiety and the pain my fibromyalgia brings me. For years I have battled depression and had feelings of sadness, incompleteness, worry, not belonging, and all of the other feelings and emotions that awful disease brings. It seems I've always been able to keep those at bay just enough to continue to live a normal life -- or seemingly normal life.
Since the onset of fibromyalgia, though, the depression has worsened and my pain level is constant now. It gets to be very overwhelming at times.
Since early 2004, I have really had a hunger to study the Word and form a closer relationship with God -- I wanted to do it. Repeat: I wanted to do it. (Remember my earlier post about not being prayerful when I have sought a closer relationship with Him?)
In October 2006 is when things began to slowly spin out of control, though. That's when I developed a very bad ear infection, on my birthday, which also happened to be a day I had to escort members of the media all over our lovely hilly campus. It wasn't until after that ear infection that I suspected I had fibromyalgia -- and within about a month, my doctor diagnosed me with it.
Since then I have tried dealing with the depression with medication, then we added medication for the fibromyalgia pain. It's helped, but there are still those days when things -- life, the depression, the physical pain -- are just too much to handle, and I end up in bed for a day or two...or more.
I began with my counselor last month because things had gotten just too out of control. I began having small panic attacks, and I felt a horrible sense of dread about work. (She happens to be a Christian and prayed for guidance in our first session together.)
Rewind to the hunger I felt to learn the Word: I knew what I wanted -- an in-depth, exhaustive study of God's Word with other Christians. Finally when I went to that first intro meeting with K, the message was about --- prayer and seeking God's will.
Heh.
Ever feel like you've been hit in the side of the head with a brick, but in a good way? Yeah, well that's how I felt.
So I prayed. And within a week, I had been placed in a discussion group (after I had been "warned" that it could be weeks before they placed me in a group.
This week, as I went to the meeting, I asked God to get me in the door. Then I prayed that He would bless the evening so I would want to come back. By the time the night was over and I was crawling into bed, all I could do was pray and pray some more.
I've also, since then, done somthing I have never done before in my life -- kept an actual prayer journal. I've written down and "remembered" prayer requests people have given me in the past, but I've never had an honest to goodness prayer journal, though. Just writting in it the names of those in the group that had asked for prayer was so powerful. And before I started this post, I spent about 10 minutes praying, asking God to bless my time with Him, then going through each and every request in my journal and praying for them as I laid my hand on their name. Of course I also prayed for those people I never have to write own to remember.
It's funny, but I feel that tired, but refreshed feeling you have after a good cry. Like something bad has been emptied out of me so that good can enter.
I've always had this pained, sad feeling in my life, and I have numerous times asked God to remove it -- but I never did anything for Him to improve my relationship with Him. I went to that first night of BSF very scared and feeling very broken -- a bad feeling I have had for a couple of months. Instead of coming with a tone and heart full of desperation, as I have done in the past, and asked God for help without doing anything other than praying hard and crying a lot, I have a true, strong desire to simply build my relationship with Him.
I want to fellowship with God as I never have before, and I want to have that relationship with Him I see other Christians have. I have always felt comfortable praying to God, but now I want it to be a totally natural thing, something I do every day, all of the time, instead of just when I need something.
And I pray that God fosters and builds that desire in me on a daily basis -- that He keeps that hunger I am feeling alive and grows it, so that a single day without praying, communing with Him and reading His word feels like an incomplete day to me.
When D said that Leviticus was written for anyone who was broken or in pain, it was as if God put His hand on my shoulder and whispered in my ear, "See, you asked to be put in the right place, and I have done that for you."
I've started counseling to work on my depression and to also learn how to deal with anxiety and the pain my fibromyalgia brings me. For years I have battled depression and had feelings of sadness, incompleteness, worry, not belonging, and all of the other feelings and emotions that awful disease brings. It seems I've always been able to keep those at bay just enough to continue to live a normal life -- or seemingly normal life.
Since the onset of fibromyalgia, though, the depression has worsened and my pain level is constant now. It gets to be very overwhelming at times.
Since early 2004, I have really had a hunger to study the Word and form a closer relationship with God -- I wanted to do it. Repeat: I wanted to do it. (Remember my earlier post about not being prayerful when I have sought a closer relationship with Him?)
In October 2006 is when things began to slowly spin out of control, though. That's when I developed a very bad ear infection, on my birthday, which also happened to be a day I had to escort members of the media all over our lovely hilly campus. It wasn't until after that ear infection that I suspected I had fibromyalgia -- and within about a month, my doctor diagnosed me with it.
Since then I have tried dealing with the depression with medication, then we added medication for the fibromyalgia pain. It's helped, but there are still those days when things -- life, the depression, the physical pain -- are just too much to handle, and I end up in bed for a day or two...or more.
I began with my counselor last month because things had gotten just too out of control. I began having small panic attacks, and I felt a horrible sense of dread about work. (She happens to be a Christian and prayed for guidance in our first session together.)
Rewind to the hunger I felt to learn the Word: I knew what I wanted -- an in-depth, exhaustive study of God's Word with other Christians. Finally when I went to that first intro meeting with K, the message was about --- prayer and seeking God's will.
Heh.
Ever feel like you've been hit in the side of the head with a brick, but in a good way? Yeah, well that's how I felt.
So I prayed. And within a week, I had been placed in a discussion group (after I had been "warned" that it could be weeks before they placed me in a group.
This week, as I went to the meeting, I asked God to get me in the door. Then I prayed that He would bless the evening so I would want to come back. By the time the night was over and I was crawling into bed, all I could do was pray and pray some more.
I've also, since then, done somthing I have never done before in my life -- kept an actual prayer journal. I've written down and "remembered" prayer requests people have given me in the past, but I've never had an honest to goodness prayer journal, though. Just writting in it the names of those in the group that had asked for prayer was so powerful. And before I started this post, I spent about 10 minutes praying, asking God to bless my time with Him, then going through each and every request in my journal and praying for them as I laid my hand on their name. Of course I also prayed for those people I never have to write own to remember.
It's funny, but I feel that tired, but refreshed feeling you have after a good cry. Like something bad has been emptied out of me so that good can enter.
I've always had this pained, sad feeling in my life, and I have numerous times asked God to remove it -- but I never did anything for Him to improve my relationship with Him. I went to that first night of BSF very scared and feeling very broken -- a bad feeling I have had for a couple of months. Instead of coming with a tone and heart full of desperation, as I have done in the past, and asked God for help without doing anything other than praying hard and crying a lot, I have a true, strong desire to simply build my relationship with Him.
I want to fellowship with God as I never have before, and I want to have that relationship with Him I see other Christians have. I have always felt comfortable praying to God, but now I want it to be a totally natural thing, something I do every day, all of the time, instead of just when I need something.
And I pray that God fosters and builds that desire in me on a daily basis -- that He keeps that hunger I am feeling alive and grows it, so that a single day without praying, communing with Him and reading His word feels like an incomplete day to me.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
1st night of study
Last night was my first night in my BSF discussion group -- what a blessing just that one night was! Before I started, on Sunday, my group leader J. called me and explained the structure of the studies, when I would get lessons, etc. Well one of the things she said was that the leader of this particular group prays over every card that someone fills out when they decide they want to join the studies. It is only AFTER she prays for each person and she feels led to place them in a specific group does she then place them.
J. said, basically, "You've been placed in our group by God. I truly feel our group was divinely assembled."
We had a fellowship time (which happens once a month) before the night's study began, and it was such a blessing to hear these 12 or so other women in the room tell how they had originally found out about the study and how it has impacted their lives. Most of these women have been in it 3-4 years -- one woman has been in 11 years! How amazing to be in a roomful of women who made a commitment to come together and study the Word, without denomination or "religious rhetoric" involved, but to simply read the Bible and apply what it says to their lives.
Some of my groupmates talked of how they were asked several times of a period of a few years to join, while others actively sought it out after hearing about it only a few times. Some said they had come to the studies at a time in their lives when everything seemed to be spinning out of control. Others have a rich history of Christianity in their lives and families.
All of the women who spoke, without fail, told of how amazing the studies are and how studying the Word has brought them closer to the Lord and guided them in their lives.
It's what I have been hungering for for so long.
"In God's time," is a phrase K. used last night to describe my coming to the studies. And it is such an apt phrase to describe it.
Yes, as I said, I have yearned for a study like this for a long time. The leader, D., last night said something in the lecture, though, that said to me, "You're in the right place, Lauren. I want you here. Listen to Me...be still and do as I say, and all will be well with your soul."
"Do you feel like you are broken? Are you in pain? Then Leviticus was written for you," D. opened her lecture. She explained Leviticus is about getting close to God and staying there, and how to maintain a relationship with God. "Leviticus is an open invitation to holiness." What a concept!
Ok, I have been a Christian -- saved -- for more years than not. I was saved when I was 9, and I had such a desire then to learn the Bible. That desire has ebbed and flowed over the years, and although I do not know anywheer near the amount of the Bible I "should," I am thankful for a strong Christian childhood that included a very good teacher of the Bible.
You would have thought after all those years, though, that I would have seen it so clearly. God wants ME -- little old, sinful me -- to be holy. What?? Isn't holiness reserved for God and "holy people" like priests and stuff? I mean, I have always known God wanted me to be "good" -- isn't that what all of those letters in red in the New Testament mean?
But here we have it, a guidebook to living a holy life, written so many years ago, before Christ came to be the ultimate sacrifice for sin.
Now, I have just today begun delving into Leviticus, and already I know that there are parts of the book that are not applicable to my life today in 2009. But aren't they? D. explained it like this: no, we no longer are asked to make the sacrifices described in Leviticus as the Levites were instructed to perform them -- mainly because when Christ died for our sins and the tabernacle was destroyed, that did away with the need for those sacrifices.
HOWEVER, each of the sacrifices described in this ancient but applicable book symbolizes a type of sacrifice we, today, are to make in order to have that close, holy relationship with God. The burnt sacrifices, the tool by which the Levites transferred their sin into a flawless animal which was then slaughtered and destroyed by fire, symbolizes that today we are to make a total sacrifice of ourselves to the glory of God. That we are to give Him all we have in every way.
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." (Romans 12:1-2)
It also speaks to the concept of confession of sin. Just as the Levites laid their hands on the head of the sacrificial animal and confessed their sins to transfer them to the animal, so must we as modern Christians confess our sins.
"I acknowledge my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah." (Psalm 32:5)
"He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy." (Proverbs 28:13)
"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." (James 5:16)
The next type of offering, the grain offering, today reminds us to take the time to be thankful to the Lord for all he has blessed us with.
"And all the meat offering that is baken in the oven, and all that is dressed in the fryingpan, and in the pan, shall be the priest's that offereth it. And every meat offering, mingled with oil, and dry, shall all the sons of Aaron have, one as much as another. And this is the law of the sacrifice of peace offerings, which he shall offer unto the LORD. If he offer it for a thanksgiving, then he shall offer with the sacrifice of thanksgiving unleavened cakes mingled with oil, and unleavened wafers anointed with oil, and cakes mingled with oil, of fine flour, fried. Besides the cakes, he shall offer for his offering leavened bread with the sacrifice of thanksgiving of his peace offerings." (Leviticus 7:9-13)
"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful." (Colossians 3:15)
The fellowship offering symbolizes the importance of Christians fellowshiping and spending time with other Christians, sharing the Word and their company together -- and that sweet fellowship we an share with the Lord.
"Then they that gladly received his word were baptized: and the same day there were added unto them about three thousand souls. And they continued stedfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers. " (Acts 2:41-42)
"God is faithful, by whom ye were called unto the fellowship of his Son Jesus Christ our Lord." (I Corinthians 1:9)
"That which we have seen and heard declare we unto you, that ye also may have fellowship with us: and truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with his Son Jesus Christ." (I John 1:3)
The sin and guilt offerings are both pretty explanatory -- they were intended to cover both intentional and unintentional sin on the parts of the Levites.
{{To be completed tomorrow}}
J. said, basically, "You've been placed in our group by God. I truly feel our group was divinely assembled."
We had a fellowship time (which happens once a month) before the night's study began, and it was such a blessing to hear these 12 or so other women in the room tell how they had originally found out about the study and how it has impacted their lives. Most of these women have been in it 3-4 years -- one woman has been in 11 years! How amazing to be in a roomful of women who made a commitment to come together and study the Word, without denomination or "religious rhetoric" involved, but to simply read the Bible and apply what it says to their lives.
Some of my groupmates talked of how they were asked several times of a period of a few years to join, while others actively sought it out after hearing about it only a few times. Some said they had come to the studies at a time in their lives when everything seemed to be spinning out of control. Others have a rich history of Christianity in their lives and families.
All of the women who spoke, without fail, told of how amazing the studies are and how studying the Word has brought them closer to the Lord and guided them in their lives.
It's what I have been hungering for for so long.
"In God's time," is a phrase K. used last night to describe my coming to the studies. And it is such an apt phrase to describe it.
Yes, as I said, I have yearned for a study like this for a long time. The leader, D., last night said something in the lecture, though, that said to me, "You're in the right place, Lauren. I want you here. Listen to Me...be still and do as I say, and all will be well with your soul."
"Do you feel like you are broken? Are you in pain? Then Leviticus was written for you," D. opened her lecture. She explained Leviticus is about getting close to God and staying there, and how to maintain a relationship with God. "Leviticus is an open invitation to holiness." What a concept!
Ok, I have been a Christian -- saved -- for more years than not. I was saved when I was 9, and I had such a desire then to learn the Bible. That desire has ebbed and flowed over the years, and although I do not know anywheer near the amount of the Bible I "should," I am thankful for a strong Christian childhood that included a very good teacher of the Bible.
You would have thought after all those years, though, that I would have seen it so clearly. God wants ME -- little old, sinful me -- to be holy. What?? Isn't holiness reserved for God and "holy people" like priests and stuff? I mean, I have always known God wanted me to be "good" -- isn't that what all of those letters in red in the New Testament mean?
But here we have it, a guidebook to living a holy life, written so many years ago, before Christ came to be the ultimate sacrifice for sin.
Now, I have just today begun delving into Leviticus, and already I know that there are parts of the book that are not applicable to my life today in 2009. But aren't they? D. explained it like this: no, we no longer are asked to make the sacrifices described in Leviticus as the Levites were instructed to perform them -- mainly because when Christ died for our sins and the tabernacle was destroyed, that did away with the need for those sacrifices.
HOWEVER, each of the sacrifices described in this ancient but applicable book symbolizes a type of sacrifice we, today, are to make in order to have that close, holy relationship with God. The burnt sacrifices, the tool by which the Levites transferred their sin into a flawless animal which was then slaughtered and destroyed by fire, symbolizes that today we are to make a total sacrifice of ourselves to the glory of God. That we are to give Him all we have in every way.
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." (Romans 12:1-2)
It also speaks to the concept of confession of sin. Just as the Levites laid their hands on the head of the sacrificial animal and confessed their sins to transfer them to the animal, so must we as modern Christians confess our sins.
"I acknowledge my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah." (Psalm 32:5)
"He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy." (Proverbs 28:13)
"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." (James 5:16)
The next type of offering, the grain offering, today reminds us to take the time to be thankful to the Lord for all he has blessed us with.
"And all the meat offering that is baken in the oven, and all that is dressed in the fryingpan, and in the pan, shall be the priest's that offereth it. And every meat offering, mingled with oil, and dry, shall all the sons of Aaron have, one as much as another. And this is the law of the sacrifice of peace offerings, which he shall offer unto the LORD. If he offer it for a thanksgiving, then he shall offer with the sacrifice of thanksgiving unleavened cakes mingled with oil, and unleavened wafers anointed with oil, and cakes mingled with oil, of fine flour, fried. Besides the cakes, he shall offer for his offering leavened bread with the sacrifice of thanksgiving of his peace offerings." (Leviticus 7:9-13)
"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful." (Colossians 3:15)
The fellowship offering symbolizes the importance of Christians fellowshiping and spending time with other Christians, sharing the Word and their company together -- and that sweet fellowship we an share with the Lord.
"Then they that gladly received his word were baptized: and the same day there were added unto them about three thousand souls. And they continued stedfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers. " (Acts 2:41-42)
"God is faithful, by whom ye were called unto the fellowship of his Son Jesus Christ our Lord." (I Corinthians 1:9)
"That which we have seen and heard declare we unto you, that ye also may have fellowship with us: and truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with his Son Jesus Christ." (I John 1:3)
The sin and guilt offerings are both pretty explanatory -- they were intended to cover both intentional and unintentional sin on the parts of the Levites.
{{To be completed tomorrow}}
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
