It begins with a first step

I've had a hunger -- a loud and angry yearning -- to study God's Word and come closer to Him. It's been growing inside me for years, but because of my own laziness, sense of self, sinfulness, and any other bad attribute you can imagine in a human, I have ignored that yearning -- and His will.

Oh, sure, I have had in my life, in fits and starts, times when I have studied the Word. I've invested in study books and tried to "make" myself sit every day and read the bible. Prayerfully? Well, no, not really.

There is an old saying, "You care about what you love and you love what you care about" -- basically, if you spend enough time with a thing, you come to grow affection toward it. I suppose I just assumed that that would happen for me and Bible study. Well, not so much.

"Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them." Mark 11:24

Hello, Lauren. Pray not, receive not.

Besides, if I truly want a closer relationship with the Lord, how can I have what I desire without asking Him in sincerity?

A friend at work, K, invited me to a women's Bible study group that met here during lunch time once a week. They were working their way through a book. I went to one meeting, and I never returned. It wasn't because of anything that happened in the meeting. It was just one of those things where circumstances "beyond my control" kept me from there. (I have since made myself admit -- to myself -- that the only reason I did not return was because *I* did not make the step to do so.)

When speaking with K, I expressed to her my desire to find a very in-depth, intense, exhaustive study of the Word. I yearned for those deep discussion-type studies I had been raised around. I wanted with the Bible and other believers what I had had in my college classrooms. Well, she said she attended a Bible study every Monday night that she thought would be just what I was looking for. She invited me to the introductory meeting -- and I didn't go?

Why? I don't know. I oftentimes suffer from a bit of "inertia" -- a lack of desire to do anything, or a strong desire to do nothing. I'm not sure which way it leans. Anyway, as with many other events and opportunities in my life, I did not go. Hmm. How badly did I really want to study the Word, anyway?

Well, just before the winter break, K said that the study group would have another introductory meeting the first Monday night we were back from break, and I was welcome to attend if I wanted to. "Yes!" was my quick reply (often the kind I give when an event is still far enough in the future to yet be "real" to me). How likely was it that I would go this time.

Well, that Monday night rolled around. It was frigid, icy, grey, and just plain miserable all day. I had grown accustomed to sleeping late and doing a whole lot of nothing.

But...

I went.

Yes, there was a certain amount of pride that I had overcome the "inertia" and actually gone to the thing. But then I realized, it didn't have anything to do with me. Left to my own devices, I would have much preferred, honestly to just head home that night and snuggle with my dog.

It was such a blessing to be in a room full of God-seeking women -- women who gave up a Monday night 30 weeks a year to come together and study the Word. And then to take home with them their lesson for the week and devote time daily to reading and studying the Bible.

Wow.

Just what I have been looking for.

So, now I officially have a spot in a Bible Study Fellowship discussion group, and Monday night will be my first time there as an "official" member -- with a name tag and everything!

Since that Monday night I attended that introductory meeting, though, Satan has been against me. I can feel it. I suffered the worst bout of fibromyalgia and other pain this week than I have in months, I missed three days of work, I missed seeing Carol Burnett and Sally Struthers at Bass Hall (two shows I have been anticipating since October), I missed an important staff development day at work, I missed doing my "homework" for my weekly counseling session, and I missed my counseling appointment today. I've been headachy, in tears, exhausted and depressed for days and days. I sat for five days (Saturday through Wednesday) and did nothing. WHAT??

That is NOT what my life is about.

I asked K for prayer, to help me in this time of trial. She sent to me the following:

"I am SO GLAD that you got in so quickly!!! I would love to go to Chili's with you...it's on my calendar.

I will keep you in my prayers. Please take courage & strength in the fact that Satan is attacking you. I know this sounds weird, but it means that you're heading the right direction. Satan doesn't have to try hard when you're complacent...but you're about to study GOD's WORD!! Satan's bringing out all the heavy artillery because he doesn't want you to take hold of the "sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God" (Ephesians 6:17)...our offensive weapon against Satan. God's Word is SO powerful ("For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart" Hebrews 4:12). Satan knows that, too.

Just beware, Satan will continue to attack you until you walk through that door on Monday night. And then he'll do it again every Monday night. And he'll do it every time you think about sitting down to do your bible study. He does it to me.

BUT, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:6)

So, what time do you want to meet on Monday? (It's a holiday, remember?)
K

P.S. Can I share this with A so she can be praying for you too?"

Wow...and wow again.

And so now I have two Christian women, who are not just Christian by "brand" but by deed and action, praying for my protection against the forces of Satan. I also have my mom, who has in the past year or so learned that nothing good comes but that it comes from God, praying for me and my protection.

And now I am sure the battle will be harder -- the struggles more intense, temptation more attractive. My prayer, though, is and has been only to have a stronger, closer relationship with God through the study of His Word.