On study and prayer

Tonight is the second night I will attend BSF meetings,a nd I'm really looking forward to it. I am so happy that I was able to get out of bed early every weekday last week, spend time with God in study and prayer, then get dressed fro work. It made SUCH a difference in the environment I am in at work as well as for my own sense of well-being.

One of my biggest prayers for myself right now is in regards to my boss. I'm going through a very stressful time at work right now with a boss who is, it seems, "out to get me." She has in the past neglected things that would be beneficial to my standing here and in my career overall, and she has completely misrepresented my work and work habits to others. Since this has begun -- for about 18 months now -- I have grown more angry and bitter toward her. I had gotten to a place where just the sound of her voice or laugh caused me to roll my eyes and do that thing kids do when they silently mimic their parents with an awful look on their face. Just knowing she was about to walk past my door or when I saw an e-mail from her pop on my screen made me cringe and become defensive, just waiting for the next attack.

Well, last week I prayed every night before I fell asleep -- and rather than have nights where I toss and turn, stressed with my mind occupied about the next day at work, I slept like a baby. Thursday, though, was a particulary stressful day for me, and I saw those actions toward my boss in myself throughout the day. This woman causes me a LOT of stress -- and so Thursday night I prayed for my working relationship with her. I prayed that whatever it was that caused her to be so critical of me and a poor representative of me in the workplace, that God would take it over. I also prayed that each and every time I found myself feeling anger or bitterness toward her, or frustration with her, that God would help me to remember to pray for her. Not for me -- FOR HER. Wanna talk about a mountain to climb?

Well, the next day when she arrived to work, she breezed past my door as she does every morning -- no hello or anything. Then she stopped, came back, peeked her head around the doorframe and said good morning. My eyes were like saucers. Today, she actually couched a request to change something in the form of a compliment!

Ok, things are still tense, and I am still on guard concerning her. And I found myself getting that knotted-up feeling in my stomach when I heard her come in and speak to someone. (And yes, I prayed about it.) Things are so much better though -- already.

And as for my study time -- my hunger only grows as I study more and more. I was faithful to do each of my 6 BSF lessons this week, one each day, and I have found myself seeking new avenues of study in addition to those lessons.