The last few times I have gone to BSF, I have been so blessed by the songs before the discussion groups and the lecture. We gather in the sanctuary of the church where our group meets, and before we break into discussion groups, we sing two hymns. Then when we return to the sanctuary for the lecture, we sing another.
I cannot describe how beautiful it is to hear 400 women sing "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" together.
I was telling my mom last night, while driving home from BSF, that I am so thankful for the group and feel so blessed by it. For the first time in a LONG time, there is something I do on a regular basis that I actually look forward to doing, rather than dreading having to get up and go. I long for my time there, sharing answers to the lesson in group then hearing Debbie's lecture each week. She has truly been chosen by God to lead this group of women -- there is something in her lectures every week that speaks directly to me, as if she knew I needed to hear that particular message on that particular night.
I have found, in the last few weeks, that in quiet times, like when I get up from bed to go to the ladies room, or while I am sitting here at my desk doing something like organizing -- anything where my brain doesn't have to concentrate on the task at hand and can wander -- I "hear" Christian songs, whether worship or hymns, in my head. I have always had music in my mind during those times. It's just that now, it is very VERY rarely not Christian music of some sort. And when I find myself singing some inane pop tune I heard on TV or something, I quickly find something to replace it -- "God is in Control" and "Sing your praise to the Lord" are two of my favorites.
In our phone call last night, I told mom about a very weird, disturbing, yet unsuprising commercial I saw the other day during the early morning news. It was for a Web site called wakeupdallas.org. It's for a film showing explain the coming of Maitreya -- the person the site claims is the return of Christ. It is a very stark concept, if what the site claims does happen, because the "person" it claims is the embodiment of God came to earth in July 1977. This "person" will be 33 next year.
The description of this of course led us to a discussion of things "end times" we're seeing. (Here is wheer I shamefacedly show my ignorance of the Word.) I told mom I didn't know where it was, but that didn't the Bible say that in the end times, more and more of His children would come to Him? I told her to take me for an example. It has been so many years since I have diligently, consistently done what I know God wants me to do in terms of fostering my relationship with Him. I have allowed myself to live under the conception that "it's alright -- I'm generally a *good* person."
The thing is is that I know that that is not right. It's not enough to be a good person. It's my duty as one of His children to be a modern disciple and be a living, breathing example of His grace, and what it can do for and to a person. I'm supposed to not only tell others about the Gospel and witness to them, but I'm supposed to live a life that shows EVRYONE who comes in contact with me what it means to be God's child.
And in my personal relationship with God, I am supposed to spend time with Him daily, praying and studying His Word, and asking for His will and guidance in my life. AND THEN I am supposed to have the faith in Him that He's got it all under control. It's not mine to worry about any more. I'm just to do what I know I am supposed to do, and He's got the rest under control. The bills, the rent, friendships, the job, family, my health, whatever may come to me or happen to me in the future -- it's all right there in the palm of His hand.
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