My friend K. and I went to lunch together yesterday to discuss Bible studies we could possibly do together over the summer, while BSF is on hiatus. We didn't really come to any conclusion about a particular Bible study, but it was such a wonderful time of fellowship and discussion. I think we each walked away with a few more entries on our prayer lists and hopefully more calmness about sometimes feeling "lost" as to how to study the Word on our own.
I told her one of my biggest problems is that I lose focus. I have SO many different studies I want to do -- predestination vs. free will; the attributes of God; a Christ-centered way of living for a more healthy weight; a series of verses and passages to help a friend of mine who is going through a VERY rough time in her life and she's "mad at God" as she puts it; and several more. I have been gathering different study materials and ideas almost in panic mode, because I knew the end of the BSF structure would be difficult for me to handle. It is SO easy when you have a weekly passage assigned to you, and a set of questions about that passage handed to you. Then you know you have to complete those questions in a week -- if you don't answer the questions in writing, you don't get to participate in the discussion.
It is also difficult for me to prioritize the study subjects I feel led to -- I WANT to know God more intimately, so of course the one on His attributes would be wonderful; I'm also searching for a church home, and one of my "yardsticks" for measuring them is whether they believe in predestination, so of course I have to be "up on" what the Bible says about it vs. free will; and I told K. yesterday at lunch that I know my weight is a sin...gluttony is a sin...and so the Christ-centered weight loss study would be great; and I feel like C., my friend who is mad at God, is approaching crisis mode, and I feel very strongly led to witness to her, but I need to find HOW to do so in a way she will understand and "see" why God does what He does -- and that we're not to neccessarily understand His ways, but to believe and obey.
It feels like every one of them is high priority, and so of course I have done as I usually do at times like this -- I freeze, unable to make a decision. I pray for guidance from the Lord to direct me which of these studies I am to do, or how to concurrently do more than one of them, if that is His will.
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This morning I was listening to Jack Hayford on the radio, and the lesson was about how men who are saved can lead a more Christ- and Biblically centered life. The lesson was really great, and I enjoyed it. It made me realize, though, that I wish I had the kind of relationship with my dad where we could sit down and talk about why guys are the way they are, and why men do some of the things they do. It would have been such a help to me. I do adore my dad, though, and he will be here this weekend with me for Father's Day.
I feel so grateful this year at Father's Day that my relationship with my earthly father is so much stronger and more peaceful, and we have grown much closer over the past couple of years, despite my living further away from him than ever. And I am also thankful that I can pretty much say the same about my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
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